July 04, 2008

Betsy Ross Bump Watch!

Ye olde tongues and wooden teeth are wagging in Philadelphia this morn, as our newly established freedom of the press has allowed the papers to finally print the question we've all been secretly pondering. Why IS Betsy Ross always hiding her stomach behind that grand olde flag?

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The comely lady, once again obscuring her womb from the painter's prying brushes.

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Ross with an unidentified male companion, shockingly close to canoodling distance.

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"Her boobs don't look pregnant," says one source, though his breath was rank with distilled spirits and his wig haphazardly powdered.

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Tis suspicious, we say! Apologies, Betsy, but Bump Watch 1776 has officially begun!







July 04, 2008

Happy Fourth of July: Things on a Stick Edition

As you sit down to enjoy some bar-be-cue and engage in the beautiful, honored pastime of blowing stuff up, please take a moment to remember what our country is all about ...

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Happy Origin Day, Respected Unicow

Kiko

I am feeling very lazy in the apocalyptic heat, so I asked my friend P. to blog about how Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show is brilliant and everyone should watch it.

"Can't I say it's cheap and offensive?" he rejoindered.

I sighed. "See, my problem is that I actually take things seriously." To an extent, anyway. And if inclined a person could probably argue cogently that GTCMS is cheap and offensive. It's also brilliant, and everyone should watch it. It's, like, a paradox.

Don't stop at the viral videos. Although of course "Juicy" is very cute, you get the full effect of GTCMS after watching several of the regular episodes, which at ~5:00 are as long-lasting as and perhaps qualitatively similar to a salvia trip.

The best part of the show isn't its crude subtitles ("Lick Poop") or the Wheel of Fun; it's the situational humor: Time and again, perky J-popper Kiko (Kim Evey, the show's creator) obliviously frustrates her guest's agenda in every way possible.

To wit: When Kiko suggests making a video with guest-starring "pamous movie star" Ron Jeremy (subtitled as "Jeremy Iron"), he enthusiastically agrees—and winds up in a baffling short-form narrative about a costumed hedgehog who works in a garment sweatshop and gets hit by an ice-cream truck.

Then, just when you think you're about to freak your shit, it's over. Whew.

P. would like me to point out that he was speaking off the cuff to be difficult, and his actual assessment of the show is  "I only saw the first episode. It warrants watching a few more to get a complete feel for it."

Photo In Search Of A Caption: Madonna & Guy Ritchie

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Friday Eye Candy: Hot Uglies Edition

Huglies?

You know what I'm talkin' about.

Ecbeniciodeltoro

Who needs a pretty boy when you could have this?

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July 03, 2008

Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber Engaged and Expecting Baby #2(?)

Naomipreg6

I don't like those incessant "bump watch" posts, since these days it seems like no one in the public eye can get away with eating a ham sandwich for lunch without immediately being painted as pregnant. But I think the paps might be on to something here.

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If Nothing Else, This Post Will Let You Know Gym Class Heroes Exists

Gym_class_heroes

Gym Class Heroes - get thee to YouTube if you haven't heard of them! - frontman Travis McCoy was arrested onstage last night after defending himself against a fan who'd called him a horrible racial slur and then tried to physically assault him.

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This Week In Covetousness

Wecovet125Some of the awesomeness that has been on We Covet this week, for your link-clicking enjoyment:

Anarchic Coloring Book We Covet: An alternative coloring book with all sorts of funky images and spaces for crayon freestyling is a godsend.

Urban Baby  Blanket We Covet: This adorable blanky is just the thing to swaddle our urban baby's chubby legs or lay across the lap of our Sex and the City-esque pal's toddler.

We Covet Hats That Are Cool And COOL: A protective sunhat we would wear in public, even!

We Covet Posters That Rock: I have the Raveonettes and Mudhoney posters hanging in my boudoir, but what I would really love is to own them all and keep them in a private hallway like Mr. Smithers, viewing them daily as I greedily interlace my fingers. 

Ridiculously Cute Toys We Covet: This fills me with glee. And you can never have enough glee in your life, am I right?

And much much MOAR!! C'mon down!

Catfight: Jen Aniston v. Kim Stewart

Anistonstewart

Bang a gong, it's on! I enjoy a good catfight. A friend of ours heads up the tour production for a number of artists, one of which is John Mayer, and there have been ... whispers of his playboy ways. I mean, one would have to be a playboy to date the walking VD lab experiment that is Kimberly Stewart. Before we delve into the latest kerfuffle, Let's rewind to last year when Stewart kicked off her feud with Aniston.

Continue reading "Catfight: Jen Aniston v. Kim Stewart" »

Photo in Search of a Caption: Dina Lohan

Dinaandlindsay

God, I hope this baby doesn't make me look fat.

-just me

Yep.


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