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Gossip Rag Wednesday: Kardashian Kover Edition

Img6377  This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection.


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Doesn't Kim Kardashian just look like a girl who's dream are finally coming true? Can't you just see the happy oozing off her well-groomed face? And Reggie! Reggie looks like Kim is made entirely out of puppies, Budweiser and Super Bowl rings. Clearly they can't live without each other.

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Kourtney Kardashian had dumped baby daddy Scott Disick, because his name does not start with a 'K' and other letters could be a bad influence on her baby. She has banned Sesame Street for the same reason.

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Ever since Sandra Bullock pulled a fast one on the tabloid industry and managed to adopt a secret baby, the gossip rags have been playing a feverish game of catch up. I mean, that really stung! And now she won't even let them get a clear shot of bouncing baby Louis. The tabloids simply have no choice anymore. The only way to get in front of a Sandra Bullock story is to just make that shit up. Also, will Khloe Kardashian never learn not to wear snug clothing? All she's spawning is pregnancy rumors. Maybe.

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Khloe Kardashian might be pregnant, Celine's dusty womb has been filled with the hairy seed of Rene Charles, and Speidi implodes, but none of that is news compared to the fake secret life of Angelina Jolie. She may look like Mother Teresa on paper (not in the looks department, obvi) what with all the adoptions and UNICEF work, but when she's not frolicking on the beach with the family, she is a cutter and practices voodoo and uses ecstasy and LSD. See? Stars ARE just like us.

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Tragedy rarely has a cuter face than Gary Coleman as a kid. Sniff sniff. Also, kudos to People for their apparent "Stop the Presses!" moment and getting the Gores' split onto their cover.

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Comments

G.G.R

My favorite headline: "At last! Heidi dumps Spencer" made me lol

Katie L.

Voodoo Rituals and LSD binges? Brad must hate coming home to a tripped out Angie smeared in the blood of goats and poultry.

Suzy Q

I know how Kate Hudson got her abs: genetics.

Mindy B.

Umm... isn't Rene Charles the son of Celine? I know she's a bit odd, but I really hope she isn't using his "hairy seed"... PS: thanks for etching the words "hairy seed" in my brain.




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