Breaking: The Bachelor Jake and Vienna Split, Millions Say "Duh"

 Well *I* for one am SHOCKED. Shocked and appalled I tell you! I mean, if these two crazy kids can't make it, WHO CAN?

According to People.com, a rep has stated that the couple has split, and no reason has been given. Being that I consider myself an EXPERT on all things Bachelor and Jakey & Vienna (I'm not proud of that) I can give you a few reasons I believe the split happened.

 

Vienna = Dirty, dirty girl. And this, my friends, was the reason Jakey loved her so much to begin with. He loooooooooved that Vienna gave him blue balls. He DREAMED of the awesome sex they could have, and...not much else. 

Jakey got a taste of real sexy on Dancing With the Schmoes, I mean, Stars, and he realized that Vienna, (always in the front row, always scowling) A: Couldn't dance, B: Didn't give him blue balls anymore, and C: Was just a dirty, not very attractive ho-bag. 

The relationship was never real to begin with. I'll say it till I am blue in the face (not the aforementioned balls, I don't have those,) TV RELATIONSHIPS BORNE OF GAME SHOWS ARE NOT REAL LIFE. Real life relationships consist of doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, and arguing over directions to your granny's house. THAT'S what a relationship is based on. The honeymoon, she was OVER, and Jakey and Vienna realized that without the cameras, they had NOTHING to talk about. 

And I bet the hot, dirty sex that Jakey was so keen on finally getting wasn't that great to begin with. 

Comments

[Darla]

Um, and I think it is because he really loves Ali and is going back to her.

[Suzy Q]

I am as SHOCKED as you are. I mean, I was looking for the wedding invite in my mailbox every day! Oh, the humanity...or lack thereof.

[Mimi]

He was only in it for the fame. And now he's moving on to whomever will give him more visibility.

[jules]

Tis true. Once the cameras were off, I bet she didn't even give it up anymore....like a true housewife. Ah....poor Jake. Never choose the Dirty Whore.....

[Multi-Tasking Mommy]

So does that mean that we are going to have the most shocking last rose ceremony ever seen on Bachelorette history with Ali? Jake will come back and sweep her off her feet ;)