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Weeds Recap


So, last week, if you'll remember, Celia took it upon herself to toss Nancy's weed into her pool. Since Nancy did not kill Celia with her bare hands at the end of that episode, I thought for sure that this episode would open with an amusing crime-of-passion.

Nancy does not kill Celia, though I don't really know why, but she does beg Marvin to do so. Celia, who's been hitting the flask while watching the weed float around, says some racist things to Marvin before leaving. Nancy's not sure what to do but starts scooping the weed out of the pool.

Back at the growhouse, U-Turn is becoming increasingly impatient. He starts taunting Conrad by putting the gun on the counter and pushing it toward him, but Conrad doesn't make a move. U-Turn says that it's that kind of behavior that makes him owe Marvin a flat screen: can't pick up the gun when it counts, can't *bleep* Nancy when she's right in front of him. But U-Turn offers Conrad a deal: he'll let Conrad keep a few bricks of the weed if Conrad will let him have sex with Nancy. U-Turn illustrates this by grinding on the counter and making everyone uncomfortable. He reasons that it shouldn't be a problem since Conrad and Nancy only kissed. Before Conrad can really respond, Sanjay, who has indeed been in the closet this whole time, sneezes. U-Turn goes to investigate and Conrad takes the opportunity to grab the gun out of the microwave. U-Turn opens the closet door to find Sanjay cowering. He grabs him but in some interesting tactic of self-defense, Sanjay blurts out, "I'm gay!" Ha! Clever...with the closet...heh. It works, though. U-Turn stops and stares incredulously at the closet dweller.

Back at Nancy's house, she and Marvin are trying everything to dry the pot. Nancy is stuffing it into her dryer (that will make all of their clothes smell good) and Marvin's experimenting with the oven in between bites of food from the fridge. Lupita walks in and just kind of shakes her head at the goings on. Nancy asks her if she knows which dryer setting would work best for pot that's been soaking in the pool. Lupita asks if they're trying to make hash, because she doesn't think this is the right way to do it.

Having done enough damage at Nancy's house, Celia decides to wander the streets of Agrestic taking even more swigs out of her flask. "We're doing our jobs!" she slurs at the mailman. She also takes the time to drunkenly tell some neighborhood kids about how bad drugs are. I'm not sure, but I think whatever remaining credibility she had is pretty much gone now.

Nancy has Marvin test some of the weed and he declares that it's ruined. Not surprising since it's been infused with chlorinated water. He tells Nancy that it's time to go see U-Turn and face the consequences. Nancy's voice is all shaky and she's close to tears but she convinces Marvin to let her try one more thing.

Andy, complete with a bloody nose, is at a gas station filling up the van when he receives a phone call from the police telling him that they have found Shane. Andy is overjoyed but becomes a little uneasy when he sees two scary-looking NASCAR fans giving him dirty looks.

Dean and Isabelle return home from the graduation party and decide to make hot fudge sundaes. These two are so cute together! Isabelle heads toward her room but stops and informs Dean that Celia is passed out in the atrium. Lovely. Celia's a MUCH better role model than Nancy, eh? Dean and Isabelle rouse her and she asks to be allowed to take a bath.

At the growhouse, U-Turn is asking Sanjay about his newfound gayness. Conrad points out that Sanjay was in love with Nancy, but Sanjay says that he thinks that was a kind of Judy Garland/Sarah Jessice Parker kind of infatuation. Hee. U-Turn insists that there's something wrong with Sanjay. "You need Jesus!" Conrad asks Sanjay if has ever had sex with a woman and he replies that his cousin had a friend who once let him feel her boobs and that he found it kind of gross. U-Turn comments on the fact of life that some women have ugly boobs, but that it doesn't mean that one should turn to penises. U-Turn's girlfriend, Clinique, shows up with his lemonade for his master cleanse and sandwiches for the guys. U-Turn and Clinique step over to a corner and start whispering. Conrad tries to hatch an escape plan but Sanjay is too distracted by the whispering. U-Turn finally says that Clinique is going to take Sanjay into the other room and have sex with him. Conrad says that he doesn't think it works that way, but U-Turn replies, "Clinique's gonna make it work!" Somehow, U-Turn's tenacity is a little charming. Clinique flirts with Conrad on her way out of the room and says, "Are you sure you're not gay, too?" Heh.

Nancy and Marvin show up at Heylia's house and briefly describe how things went horribly wrong. Nancy blames Heylia for how things went down since she enlisted the Armenians on her own and demands that Heylia give Nancy all of the weed in the house. Heylia slaps Nancy and they start fist fighting. Vaneeta turns to Marvin, who is gleefully watching the fight while scarfing down a pie, and says, "Jesus, do something!" Marvin steps in but gets kicked in the stomach. Finally, Heylia gets up and grabs a knife. Nancy, thinking that Heylia is getting ready to stab her, starts stammering, "Hey, hey, hey, wait..." but Heylia brushes right past her and starts slashing at an armchair in her living room. She pulls huge wads of cash out of the stuffing and Vaneeta comments, "This is serious."

At her old house, Celia is leaving after taking her bath. She says goodbye to Dean and Isabelle, but they are busy eating their sundaes and watching TV, so they barely muster a wave in her direction. Celia leaves, dejected. Dean and Isabelle are watching the local news and see a story about an Amber Alert and see the information for Andy's van. Uh oh.

Andy is inside the gas station paying for his gas when the NASCAR fans from outside approach him. They start asking him if he likes little boys and Andy finally realizes that they think that he took Shane. He tries to explain that he's Shane's uncle but that only angers them more and they tell him that they heard the Amber Alert on the radio and saw the van outside. Slowly, a mob gathers behind them and they start to swarm Andy.

Meanwhile, Shane and Silas are having some snacks at the jail and chuckling over Shane's attempts at driving. Silas asks Shane where he was trying to go and Shane gets really sad and says, "I don't even know anymore." Aw. Silas understands and pats Shane's head. Shane asks if Silas thinks Nancy will be mad at him and Silas sighs and says that he thinks they're all going to be mad at each other for a while.

Heylia and Nancy show up at the growhouse and hand U-Turn the money. Heylia explains that she's paying Conrad's debt. U-Turn informs Conrad that he will now be his grower and calls him a sharecropper when Conrad protests. Ouch. Heylia pulls Conrad away and Nancy starts to follow behind them. U-Turn tells Nancy that's she's not going with them. Nancy looks helplessly at Conrad and he says, "What am I supposed to do?" He hands Nancy the gun, which makes Marvin and U-Turn panic but they point out that it's not loaded. Heylia pulls Conrad out the door and says, "Let's go work on your slave name." Conrad leaves but looks wistfully at Nancy. U-Turn tells Nancy that she still owes him $150,000 and that if she doesn't pay him, he's going to go to her house and float her and her kids in that nice pool of hers. He asks Marvin if he remembers how to get to Nancy's house and Marvin replies that he's not so good with directions. Disgusted, U-Turn grabs Nancy's wallet and puts her address into his phone. He also takes all of the money out of Nancy's wallet but leaves her with $20 and says that now Nancy owes him $149,927. U-Turn, who had been relatively likable up until this point, is now just really frightening.  Finally, Clinique bursts back into the room revealing Sanjay cowering in the corner, naked, in the other room. Clinique adjusts her boobs and says that they did it, but, "If you want my professional opinion, that boy's gayer than a handbag full of rainbows." Ha! Nancy is not able to even begin to process that.

Celia turns the corner at her hotel and finds Doug waiting for her. He's left Dana and is so sorry that he didn't leave when Celia did. Celia wordlessly lets him into her hotel room.

Nancy arrives at the police station and says that she's there to pick up Silas Botwin. The cop answers, "And Shane, too?" Nancy turns and see the boys in the interrogation room. They grin and wave at her. Andy bursts in and says that he's there to pick up Shane when he sees Nancy. The cop asks if they had a fight and Nancy, who has a black eye from her fight with Heylia, says, "Yes, he hit me. Arrest him." After a few seconds of silence, she says, "Okay, I walked into a door." Andy says that he walked into the same door. They both look at the kids and shrug.

At the hotel, Celia and Doug are having some passionate sex. Once it's over, however, Doug bursts into tears and sobs about how he misses his wife and family. Celia's mouth drops open and she has a look of annoyed disbelief on her face as she pushes Doug off of her.

Nancy, Andy and the kids arrive home but Nancy is stone silent. She goes to the fridge and grabs a Diet Coke and the kids keep asking her if she's okay. Nancy responds by pulling her shirt off. Andy says, "Okay, let's give Mom some space." Nancy takes her skirt off and goes outside, followed by Andy, Lupita, and the kids. She runs and jumps into her pool, which is now green and has little pieces of weed floating in it. She sinks to the bottom and screams for a few seconds before rushing back to the surface to gasp for air. Shane, Silas, Andy and Lupita look at each other, not knowing what to do.

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Suzy Q

*blows kisses at Kelly for this most AWESOME of recaps*

Clinique? That was her NAME? How could I have missed that? Holy HELL, that is funny!

And MLP, whom I've had a girlcrush on for quite some time now, looks totally fabulous being all 48 and having had a kid. Dayum!


How could Conrad leave her there???? I didn't understand that.


Suzy, have you seen Idiocracy? Clinique's name (or its genre, at least) is even funnier if you have.

Christin, I don't know, but what other options did he really have at that point? Any heroic gestures could have gotten him, Nancy, AND Heylia killed.

Suzy Q

Kelly, yes, I did see Idiocracy. Cletus's fetuses will someday rule the world!


Why did a tennis shoe float up in the pool? Whose is it????

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