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Weeds Recap


Last week, after Nancy's operations were ruined and she came to the horrible realization that she was completely screwed, our heroine took a swim. Now what?

Nancy comes downstairs to find the kids, Andy and Lupita eating dinner. She finds out that she's been asleep for 22 hours but it seems to have done her some good. She's a little calmer and we're 30 seconds into the episode and she hasn't stripped her clothes off yet. So far, so good. Not wasting any time, Nancy nonchalantly fires Lupita, who protests and threatens to turn Nancy in, but Nancy points out that other, scarier drug dealers wouldn't be too happy with the informer. Lupita wisely shuts the hell up. Nancy informs the family that they have to start brainstorming for money-making ideas. Andy has the brilliant idea that if Nancy will front him the $10,000 entry fee with all of that cash she has lying around, he can play in a poker tournament. Nancy wordlessly turns to her children, who are certainly brighter and more responsible than her brother-in-law. Shane has a stock portfolio worth a few thousand bucks (how?!!?) and Nancy tells him to cash it in. Shane protests that he'll pay a penalty but these are desperate times.

Celia is at the office of her divorce attorney, played by Carrie Fisher ("Is that Princess Leia?!?!?" --the husband), and is discussing her financial options. Princess Leia tells her to focus on Isabelle and her Huskeroo money. Isabelle is a cash cow, says Leia, and Celia grumbles, "Emphasis on the cow." Seriously, eff you, Celia. Your daughter's rad and you're just jealous. Leia gives Celia a rather graphic demonstration of what she plans to do to Dean through the divorce by snatching one of her tropical fish out of the tank and letting it flop on the desk in front of an uncomfortable Celia before depositing it back in the tank at the last minute. Psycho.

At the Army office, Andy has his foot on the desk and is politely explaining to the officer that his lack of toes obviously disqualifies him for service. The officer gets all cheerleader on him and shouts, "We're at war!" Shane, who is sitting quietly in the corner reading some brochures, pipes up that it's not actually a war. The officer shushes him and tells Andy that he's going to be headed for a desk job. Andy doesn't have an answer but seems resigned to his fate. The officer tells him to report at 0500 the next morning, sans any iPods or other frivolous accessories. (non)War can't have a soundtrack? That sucks!

Nancy is at Doug's office trying to figure out some way to squeeze money from somewhere. It doesn't look good. The stocks and bonds that Nancy thought she had were sold to finance the bakery. She can put the house on the market but, as many of us can confirm, the housing bubble is bursting and Nancy might get $50,000 for the house if she's lucky and even that won't be enough to cover a decent rental. Their conversation turns to the fact that Doug is getting dressed and he confesses that he's been living in his office since Dana kicked him out for his affair with Celia. Nancy's all, "Celia? Ew." Hear hear. Don't get me wrong, I relish in how evil Celia is and how awesome Elizabeth Perkins plays her, especially since I still have visions of the sweetie from Big. But I imagine her vagina is an ice chamber of bitterness and hostility. Not a place I'd like to hunker down in for some extramarital goodness.

Conrad and Heylia are at a warehouse checking to see if it would work for Conrad's new growing operation. Conrad asks Heylia why she's smoking cigarettes again. Heylia looks bitterly at her cancer stick and says that when she first started smoking, she was long and brown, just like the cigarettes. "Everything's changed," she muses. She points out the lovely view to Conrad, which is of a homeless guy peeing on the sidewalk. It's a nice place, just too bad they'll be using it to serve U-Turn. The way too perky real estate agent pops out and Heylia informs her that they'll take it.

Isabelle is sitting miserably in her mother's hotel room as Celia makes pathetic attempts to bond with her. Isabelle doesn't understand why she's bothering since they obviously just don't like each other. Isabelle is also quite disgusted with the room and Celia tries to say that it's just very film noir. Right. Honestly, the Apache Motel doesn't look that bad, but I'm no Agrestic babe. After a brief spat over the sleeping arrangements, Celia opens the cot to try to make it comfortable for Isabelle, when they spot something gross on it. "That's a condom," icks Isabelle. Ewwwww.

Andy is getting ready to leave for duty and it is very sunny and not looking much like 5 a.m. to me. Whatever, I get bogged down in details too much. He's showing Nancy a very nice guitar that she can sell. Nancy gives him a hug good-bye and he tries to make light of his departure, but you can tell that he's devastated. Silas is getting ready to go to court for his camera stealing adventures and Nancy blurts out that she's decided to sell the house. No one is happy about this, but what are the options. Andy leaves and Nancy says that it's good to embrace change. Right? Right?

U-Turn counts out the $7,000 that Nancy has brought him and asks Marvin for confirmation that U-Turn wipes his ass with $7,000. Why does Marvin know this, eh? Nancy insists that she'll have more for him but it's going to take her some time. U-Turn wants her to go an errand for him to pick up a package. Nancy says that she has to go to court with Silas and U-Turn dryly says that she should enroll him in an after-school program instead of letting him run wild. Ha! Awesome. The thug uses some of the condescending white advice on the suburban mom. I love it! U-Turn gives her the address and sends her on her way.

At Celia's hotel, Isabelle is reading a magazine while Celia furiously plays solitaire. I guess the bonding isn't going so well. There's a knock on the door and Celia opens it to find some CPS officials. It turns out the Isabelle called them and they want to inspect the hotel room to make sure that it's fit for a child to be occupying. Celia scoffs that just because a hotel is on the lower end doesn't make it unfit. At that, a couple in the next room start doing the old in-out-in-out with a vengeance. Their robust activities are causing Isabelle, who is smirking on the bed, to vibrate. Heh.

Nancy shows up at a bar and makes a pathetic attempt at Spanish with the bartender. A guy at the pool table (Guillermo Diaz!) calls her over. Nancy very awkwardly asks about the package that she's supposed to pick up. Guillermo tells her that she'll need to dance in order to earn the package. Oh, god. Please don't make Nancy dance. I still haven't been able to burn the images of the time Snoop got to smoke some of the Milf Weed and freestyled about it while Nancy did the White Girl Shuffle in the background. Guillermo says that she'll need to dance better than that. In fact, she'll need to do a "brick dance." One of the other guys turns on some music and Nancy does her best brick dance, which consists of her stiffly shaking her butt and looking like she's never had sex in her entire life, despite all the evidence to the contrary. She jumps up on the pool table and starts kicking balls off, which everyone seems to be thrilled by but I would be like, "You're going to ruin the pool table, moron!" She jumps down and gets ready to grind on Guillermo, when he stops her and hands her the package. Nancy leaves and one of Guillermo's friends whines that they could have had fun with her. Guillermo replies that you don't rape the messenger. Ah, yes, that old adage. I believe my grandmother has that embroidered on a throw pillow.

Of course, all of Nancy's brick dancing was for naught, as Guillermo gave Nancy the wrong package, presumable on purpose. U-Turn is furious with Nancy but she points out that she's not a "gangsta" and doesn't really know what she's doing. U-Turn says that the cost of the package will be added to Nancy's debt and that sends her over the edge. She screams at U-Turn that he can't just keep adding to her debt and asks how she is supposed to pay her bills or put food on the table. "Get a job!" screams U-Turn. Heh, more overturned condescending rhetoric. That shuts Nancy up. U-Turn tells her to cut the brick up and sell it and to bring him back $12,500. Nancy argues that it's not worth nearly that much. U-Turn tells her to figure it out.

Silas is about to be sentenced when Nancy finally shows up. She asks the judge to allow her to speak for Silas but the judge says that Celia has already done that, explaining that the family has already been through a lot of rough times. The judge sentences Silas to six months of community service, which seems kind of harsh. As Silas and Nancy exit, Celia asks to talk to Nancy who replies, "Go f*ck yourself."

Andy and his newly buzzed head are at training, which involves standing across from his "war buddy" and staring at each other. The officer screams that they'll eat together, shit together, fight together, all of that. Andy's war buddy is overly enthusiastic about the whole thing, saying stuff like, "This is going to be sooo awesome!" and "I can't wait to go kill some terrorists!" My gaydar is twitching. The officer goes on about Iraq and Andy interrupts him. Uh oh. He asks about his desk job and the officer screams that they promise everyone a desk job. Andy gets back in line, realizing that he's pretty much screwed.

Celia and Dean and their lawyers are at an arbitration over custody of Isabelle. Okay, exactly what happened to their older daughter? I know she went to Mexico in the first season but is that it? Are they really never going to hear from her again? Shouldn't some mention be made of her in divorce proceedings since I'm pretty sure she's still under 18? I hate when series just drop plot lines. I NOTICE THESE THINGS, YOU JERKS! It doesn't go well for Celia, as Leia easily agrees to supervised visits at Dean's house. Celia's all, "Uh, WTF?" and Dean's lawyer explains to him that Leia is more or less dumping Celia since she now realizes that she's not going to make any money. Celia flips out and then goes to find Isabelle sitting in the waiting area. She stomps over to her daughter, looms over her, and icily says, "You want me out of your life? Fine," before fleeing the building. I half expected Isabelle to be sad about this, but when walks over they smile at each other, relieved, and clink motorcycle helmets. Aw. It's a sweet moment, but I can't help but feel a little bad for Celia. She doesn't know how to be anything but nasty unless death is hanging over her head and she's all alone now because of it.

Nancy and Silas are splitting the weed up and Nancy has to push Silas to make the bags a little lighter. Shane reports that Andy's guitar is getting some serious bids on eBay. All seems okay for the time being, but the doorbell rings. Nancy opens the door to find a DEA agent who wants to ask her some questions about her dearly departed hubby, Peter. Uh oh. I was wondering when that might come up.

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Suzy Q

Kelly, have I told you lately that I love you?

An "...ice chamber of bitterness and hostility"? Ha! Your grandmother's throw pillow just sent me completely over the edge.



I think there should be a line of MamaPopSnark throw pillows...

I LOVE these recaps.


I get the feeling that Peter has some kind of life insurance policy that is going to go to Nancy since they were technically married. Something monetary has to come out of it.


My husband said the same thing Carrisa - i didn't think of it myself, but once he said it i had to agree. the show has been so depressing lately, nancy needs a good turn of fortune!!!

Suzy Q

I hadn't thought of that Carissa, but you're right. He was a cop and they ALL have life insurance as one of the perks of possibly getting killed every day on the job.


There's gotta be a silver lining in it somewhere. There was so much hope built up in the last season that you knew the other shoe had to drop. This season, everyone is at the bottom and there's no way to go but up.

I love Celia Hodes. You know, if love means that I can watch her from very very far away and never have to interact with her.

And I keep waiting for something to really smack Dean. I'm still ooked out by the whole tennis racket thing from the first episode.

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