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Weeds Recap


Andy is in his underwear, a really hideous perversion of tighty-whities that make me feel kind of sick, cooking heuvos rancheros in the kitchen. Nancy asks him to follow her into the laundry room where she shows him the huge trunk full of heroin. Andy calls it "Heroinolicious," and asks Nancy, with some wicked delight, if she's a smack dealer now. Nancy, of course, insists that she's not and explains that the heroin belongs to U-Turn. Andy does a rough estimate of how much the trunk's contents are worth and it's a lot. Like, a LOT. Andy hugs Nancy and she pushes him off of her since he was a little "excited." Sullivan calls and tells Nancy that they need to throw a party for the Majestic sewage line folks. She has a budget of $5,000 and Sullivan doesn't want any California food. He wants fried things wrapped in bacon. My kinda party! One major kink is that the party has to be tomorrow. Nancy goes back to Andy to find him licking the heroin, which seems like a really bad idea. She tells him that they're going to have the party at her house, he's going to be the caterer and he needs to take $1,000 and make it look like $5,000. Crafty! Andy goes back to cooking and Nancy tells him to wash his hands because the last thing she needs is for the kids to eat heroin eggs. "Right, cause then they'd want them every day," says Andy.

Sullivan is showing Celia around her new house in Majestic and giving her a quick run down of all the shady things they'll need to do to keep her gift a secret. Right as he's showing her the spot where her flat-panel plasma TV will reside, a golf ball comes flying through the window. Doug is using his new golf club membership to send Celia messages written on golf balls, which inform her of her status as a certain part of the female anatomy and, uh, a working girl.

Nancy is at a boxing ring with U-Turn, "working off her debt." U-Turn tells her that she's working off her debt and that one day she could be his lieutenant. This makes Marvin, who is watching from the side, cringe a little bit. U-Turn goes on to say that he's going to give her an address to show up at later where a surprise is waiting for her.

Silas is doing his community service at an old peoples' home and Mary Kate Olsen is leading the residents in a rousing game of bingo. Silas is obviously quite taken with MKO, but he has some business to attend to. He tells the elder gentleman sitting next to him how great the weed that he's selling is. The guy looks Silas in the eye and says, "I don't need a sales pitch. Will it f*ck me up?" Silas incredulously gives him the goods while MKO looks on, amused.

Andy is testing some hors d'oeuvres on Shane, who declares that they suck. "How can it suck? It's wrapped in bacon!," says Andy. Shane has bigger issues on his mind. He wants to talk to his mom, but she is out being a drug dealer. Andy offers to listen and Shane confesses that he hates his summer school. His exact quote was really long and brilliant, something about listening to zealots proselytize a brand of fundamentalism that's two clicks away from jihad. Andy doesn't have any words of advice but offers to watch "bikini girls eat bugs" with him. Shane replies that he's going to go read. "You kids today and your reading!" Andy yells. He sits down to watch TV by himself and finds some lions mating on TV. He takes that as a cue to masturbate, which is kind of creepy.

At the warehouse, the doorbell rings while Conrad and Heylia argue over who should answer it based on who is doing more work. Vaneeta opens the door and lets U-Turn and Nancy in, much to Conrad and Heylia's surprise. U-Turn wants his crop. "It ain't ready," says Conrad. "You can't force nature." U-Turn cites seedless watermelon and broccoflower as perfect examples of nature being forced. "There's even a hypoallergenic cat that you can have for 4 grand!" U-Turn whispers to Nancy to knock a plant over. Nancy points out that they would be damaging their own stuff but U-Turn hisses at her to do it. She gently lays a plant on the ground so U-Turn makes her do it again. The whole thing is rather pathetic and hilarious. Nancy is so not cut out for this line of work. U-Turn wants his crop in a month. Heylia agrees and says that then they're through. She invokes U-Turn's grandmother, who apparently predicted that U-Turn was a bad seed. This touches a nerve. As they leave, Nancy complains about how mean they were. "Thug means never having to say you're sorry," says U-Turn. Best. Line. Ever.

Sullivan and Celia are at the groundbreaking for the Majestic sewage line. Sullivan has just convinced Celia to go as his date to the party and the shovels are just about to get started when Doug, sporting a dirt shrew tshirt, stops them. He's there with some kind of animal authority and the groundbreaking has to be postponed. "In the name of the dirt shrew," says Doug. "I'm referring to the endangered animal. Not the one in the hard hat and the heels that's been sucking your d*ck."

Nancy is at U-Turn's holding his feet while he does sit ups. She's not doing a very good job of keeping U-Turn still and Marvin pipes up that U-Turn never moves when he holds his feet. U-Turn tells Marvin to shut the f*ck up and coaches Nancy to do the same. Nancy explains that she needs to get home to plan the party or her boss will kill her, U-Turn retorts that she's being hyperbolic. U-Turn, on the other hand, actually would kill her and demonstrates this by throwing Nancy up against a stack of boxes and holding her by her throat before letting her leave.

MKO, aka Tara, introduces herself to Silas and says that she saw him sell an eighth to one of the residents. Tara is a big fan of Jesus and also happens to be a dedicated pothead. Further, she wants Silas to smoke her out. She tells him to meet her at a park the next day, smoke her out, and she'll tell him all about her buddy Jesus. Uh, okay.

At the party, Doug stuffs himself with shrimp. Sullivan compliments Nancy's work on the party and asks her how much of the budget she stuffed into her bra. Celia comes over and grabs Nancy. She pulls her into the laundry room, much to Nancy's discomfort and demands that Nancy stop hating her. Nancy hurriedly says that everything is fine between them, all the while not-so-subtly staring at the trunk. Celia of course sits down on the trunk, which Nancy should have done herself right away. Celia wants to know if Sullivan ever mentions her and Nancy's like, "Yeah, sure, he likes you a lot. Whatever. What heroin? I don't know what you're talking about." Sullivan and Andy both bust in to whine at Nancy about something. Nancy finally tells everyone to get out. She bumps into Shane in the kitchen. He wants to talk to her but she just can't at the moment. Shane looks crushed but not surprised. Sullivan goes and thanks Celia for being his date, pausing to reach down and fix the strap on her shoe for her. "You know I'm going to keep trying," he says. "Good," Celia replies. After the party, Nancy goes around turning off all of the lights. She peeks into Shane's room and sees him sleeping.

Tara and Silas are at the playground discussing her beliefs and practices. She doesn't drink except for wine, which is cool because Jesus drank it. She doesn't smoke cigarettes but does quite enjoy weed because it's natural and unprocessed. "It comes from God," she explains as she lights up. Silas asks about her premarital sex stance and she, of course, will be waiting until her wedding night. Silas looks mildly disappointed. "Just because my virginity is for my husband doesn't mean we can't have some fun," she says as she pounces on Silas. Methinks she's a "technical" virgin, cause she's seriously writhing around on Silas. My word.

U-Turn, Nancy, and Marvin are taking a jog up the hill. Nancy pushes them to go further, but U-Turn collapses and gasps on the ground. Marvin tells Nancy to go find someone with a banana since he thinks U-Turn needs potassium. While Nancy is gone, Marvin kneels down and presses his meaty forearm over U-Turn's mouth and nose. Apparently, U-Turn's insults and abuse toward Marvin will no longer go unpunished. When Nancy returns, Marvin is cradling U-Turn and sobbing over his sudden death.


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Totally effin awesome that U-Turn is out of the picture, but he was finally starting to make me laugh a little bit this week. Also, I'm a little worried about Marvin--he seemed a little stone cold as he suffocated U-Turn, and he was seeming mighty resentful about Nancy's rising position in the ranks. I hope he doesn't take it out on her--I want out of that whole "she owes someone" plotline.


Kathryn, totally agree with you on all points. U-Turn's one-liners were hilarious, though he did seem kind of roid-ish. I'm also worried that Marvin will go nuts now and try to control Nancy. Or maybe he'll take the heroin off her hands and let her go.


I am so glad UTurn is gone. Won't miss him a bit. I wonder how Marvin is going to react. Should be interesting. I really had a decent vibe from him, and wonder if UTurns douchiness just went too far. I thought Marvin liked Nancy. I don't know. And it's totally not surprising that MKO is annoying. At least she's not saying, "You got it, dude!" Though, actually, that might be kinda funny...


Man...I'm really bummed that U-Turn is dead. He was an asshole but he was a really, really funny asshole.

Suzy Q

Holy moly! I can't believe they offed U-Turn. It'll be interesting to see what happens to the heroin. And Marvin.

Hearing MKO say "boner" squicked me out a little. I am not one of her fans.

I also loved the dress MLP wore for the party!

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