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Weeds Recap


This week: Nancy seems to gain some freedom from her troubles, but that will prove to be short-lived. Isabelle exposes the real homosexual agenda (ie, steal cute girls from the boys), and Agrestic and Majestic are soon to be one in a new powerhouse of little boxes and ticky tacky.

Nancy, Conrad, Heylia, and Marvin are all gathered at the funeral home to mourn U-Turn. Nancy stands off to the side and chats with Clinique and asks why U-Turn has been laid out in a hot tub. "The boat didn't fit," Clinique says sadly. Ah, yes. Of course. A friend named Two Strikes comes over and hugs Clinique and asks her how she's doing. "Pregnant again," she says. And the father? "Some Indian kid I mercy f*cked for U-Turn." Ack! Sanjay! Nancy's eyes widen since the obvious suspect is Sanjay but she seems to quickly disregard that possibility because, as Clinique diagnosed, Sanjay is "gayer than a box of rainbows." Clinique excuses herself, saying that she won't be giving this one up. Two Strikes and Nancy take a moment to reminisce about their departed friend. Two Strikes says that they popped their car-jacking cherries together. "He taught me how to drive-by," says Nancy, with a slight shake in her voice. Two Strikes looks at her, impressed, and says, "Respect." They tap fists. This scene was absolutely exquisite.

Sullivan is addressing the Agrestic city council and trying to convince them that merging with Majestic would be awesome because really what could be more powerful than a combination of two white, upper-middle class neighborhoods? What would the name of the new town be, I wonder? Magrestic? Agjestic? WhiteWorld? There's one problem, though. Doug told the rest of the council that Celia got a house when they got measly things like golf club memberships that are probably worth $200,000 a year. Poo! But, no time to argue. Doug pushes everybody to put the merge to a vote since he has to get home in time for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader? They, of course, vote it down but Celia tells everyone to hold on. Sullivan can get around the vote with a referendum. Doug coughs, "Whore!" and the rest of the members join in, showering Celia with a chorus of "whores." Ha! Is this really what local politics is like? If so, I'm totally running next time around. After the meeting is adjourned, Sullivan does some not so subtle flirting with Celia. Somehow, I think these two having sex would be an incredibly bad idea.

Back at the funeral home, Nancy asks Conrad what U-Turn's death means for their debt. She's hoping they'll be off the hook but Conrad tells her not to get her hopes up since Marvin is in charge now. Speaking of which, Marvin walks over in dark glasses. Nancy asks him how he's holding up since he lost his "cuz," which could mean cousin or not, Nancy's never been very clear on that relationship. Marvin quickly informs Nancy and Conrad that their debt is not erased. Conrad asks Marvin how his ass is doing, surprising both Marvin and Nancy with his knowledge of the incident. Marvin mentions that he's going to call a meeting with the Mexicans. Conrad warns him to be careful, but Marvin brushes him off because he's going to take Nancy and nobody needs a dead white lady on their hands. Nancy tries to politely decline, saying, "I don't think I'm comfortable going to a gang summit." Marvin informs her that she doesn't have a choice since she belongs to him.

Isabelle has joined Shane at summer school since summer camp is too expensive with the divorce. The teacher has some more "mysteries" for them to solve. Holding up one of those manilla envelopes with the big, cheesy question marks on it, the teacher says, "This is a case of betrayal." "Judas did it!" whispers Shane. The teacher gives Shane the stinkeye and holds up another envelope. "This is the case of a mad scientist." Shane whispers something about the big bang being a lie and how the universe is only 4,000 years old and whatnot. Finally, the teacher yells, "Shane Botwin!" and offers him the opportunity to teach the class. Shane stands up and says that he would like to solve the mystery of a school that receives federal funding but pushes a religious doctrine in direct violation of the separation of church and state. The teacher doesn't have an answer, so Shane sits down smugly. "Jesus Christ," mutters Isabelle. "Exactly," says Shane.

Conrad slides into Nancy's car and they start to have their first real conversation in weeks? months? Nancy wants to know how Conrad knew about Marvin getting shot since U-Turn never mentioned it when they were at the warehouse. Conrad pointedly says that maybe the Mexicans didn't shoot Marvin. Maybe someone set them up so that they would all kill each other so that they could be free. Nancy starts to get the gist and apologizes for kicking over his plant at the warehouse. Conrad shrugs and says that it wasn't his plant.

At home, Shane is following Nancy down the stairs and whining to her about summer school, warning her that she could end up with a right-wing narc on her hands. Nancy flatly tells him to stick to his strong character and endure it since there's no way he's getting out of summer school. She glances over to the breakfast bar and sees Silas and Tara munching on cereal. Shane says that she slept over and Nancy says that Silas can't do this, not after Megan and Quinn. "You're not going to make me That Mom," she says. Uh, sorry, Nancy but I think you already are That Mom. Nancy grabs Tara's hand and explains that she seems like a lovely girl but that Silas isn't allowed to have sleepovers. Silas says that they're not sleeping together and Tara gives Nancy the speech about how she's abstaining until she joins her husband in marriage. Shane, obviously a little fed up with the seemingly constant presence of Christian dogma in his life, asks Tara if she really does not believe in evolution or empirical data or any of that crap. Tara explains that she believes that she's descended from Adam and Eve and not a monkey and besides evolution is also "just a theory." Nancy interrupts and tells Shane to save the interrogation and Tara to keep...savin' it for the Lord...and where the f*ck is Andy?

Andy is at his catering job that Sullivan hired him for at the party last week. The movie that they're shooting in the empty house is actually a porno. Why am I not surprised? Lexington Steele comes over to peruse Andy's Middle Eastern feast and Andy gets all fanboy on him, telling him about how the dildo based on Lex's, uh, member was used on him once, which was cool even if it did give him the "oose-lay oop-pay."

At work, Sullivan asks Nancy to be a doll and legalize his construction crew for him and hands her a shoe box full of forged IDs and Social Security cards. Nancy asks if she can do it tomorrow since she has an appointment that afternoon. "It's a woman thing," she explains, which is almost always 100% effective when you need a guy to get out of your business. Celia shows up with some lunch for her and Sullivan and has the brilliant idea of assigning the collection of signatures for the referendum to Nancy.

Back at the porno set, Andy is intently watching the filming when Dean and Doug show up to gawk. They ask why Mr. Steele is wearing a pirate hat and Andy explains that the movie is called Peckers of the Caribbean. "Shouldn't they be on a ship?" asks Dean. "There's an anchor," says Andy, pointing to the pathetic prop that is barely in the frame. Lexington starts farting and the girls are quite disgusted. He tries to push through it, but he's farting constantly. He asks for a break and runs to the bathroom. One of the actresses walks over, buck naked, and starts talking to Dean but interrupts him to angrily ask if he's staring at her tits. Dean gets thrown off the set for being a pervert. Lexington returns and says that he has to go home since Andy's food gave him the shits. "Guess we're even," shrugs Andy. Ha! Doug tells the director that he can stand in for Lex, since he just recently measured himself, and is soon thrown out of the set as well. The director yells at Andy to provide bland food from now on. Boring!

At summer school, Shane is being harassed and beaten up by some psychotic Christian kids who are demanding that he say that he loves Jesus. But he is rescued by an angelic girl, bathed in sunlight, named Amelia who scolds the boys for their actions. "Don't you want to be saved?" she asks Shane. Uh, yeah, of course he does if she's going to be doing the saving. They make plans to discuss his salvation over lunch. Isabelle walks over and asks what happened to him and Shane grins and says that Amelia is going to save him. Isabelle sees Amelia and grins herself.

Nancy and Marvin show up for their appointment with the Mexicans and they recognize her from her brick dance. They want their cheeva and when Marvin snottily says that they don't have it, they grab him and shove a gun in his mouth, despite Marvin's previous promises to Nancy that they would never shoot anyone in public. Nancy tries to diffuse the situation and asks what they want. They throw four or five different terms at her and she finally figures out that they're talking about the trunk of heroin that U-Turn stashed at her house. "You have so many different names for it," she says. "Yeah. Like Eskimos and snow," says the head guy who had insisted that Nancy do the brick dance. Nancy gets in Marvin's face and says that she wants him to wipe out her debt, as well as Conrad and Heylia's. Marvin refuses so Nancy turns around and says that Marvin doesn't want her to give them their cheeva. "I want to, but I'm his bitch," she explains. After some very graphic threats, Marvin finally relents. Nancy gives them some instructions on where to meet her the next day. The head guy explains that the streets belong to Mexico now. Marvin is out of the drug business. Before letting them go, he grabs Nancy and gives her a very nice kiss. Marvin grabs Nancy and they run back to the car.

Shane approaches Amelia on the playground and asks why she didn't meet him when she was supposed to. Amelia explains that the Lord has sent her someone who needs her help more than Shane does. "I'm a blasphemous liberal Jew," says Shane. "What could be worse than that?" Isabelle walks over and Amelia says, "Isabelle thinks she's a homosexual." She explains how she needs to help Isabelle and they walk off together. Isabelle has her arm around Amelia and attempts to travel down toward her butt. Ha!

Nancy is handing out the IDs and the SSN cards to the construction workers and instructs them to sign the referendum with their new names. A truck pulls up and a few of the Mexican guys get out and put on hard hats. Nancy presses a button on her car remote to unlock her car. The guys pull the heroin trunk out of the back. The head guy turns around and smiles at Nancy and does some pelvic thrusts. Nancy grins because, well, he is pretty cute. They put the trunk in the back of the truck and pull away just as some thunder claps in the distance. Nancy is free! Right?

Nancy shows up at Sullivan's office, soaking wet from the rain, with the signed referendum in her hand. She peels off her wet dress and tells Sullivan that he's going to help her celebrate her freedom. "Are you quitting?" asks Sullivan. "No," says Nancy, as she sits on the desk and rests her legs on Sullivan's shoulders. "At least, not yet. We're going to see how this goes first. I have to warn you, my last two relationships? Both guys ended up dead," she says before pushing Sullivan's head, uh, downtown. Of course, this is all going way too well. It appears that the construction of the sewage line and the rainstorm have exposed Peter's body.

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Suzy Q

Yay Kelly!

I knew Peter's body would turn up; I just somehow expected it to be a bit more...alive.

That funeral was great. Clinique cracks my shit up every time.


I don't get why Nancy was coming on to Sullivan. What am I missing?

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