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Weeds Recap


So, I don't know if I was just tired or this episode moved extraordinarily quick, but this recap is kind of choppy and doesn't even come close to capturing all of the great lines that were in last night's episode.

Anyway, with Nancy and Conrad apparently free from the grip of U-Turn/Marvin, they have the Herculean task of rebuilding a business ahead of them and finding people they can trust...

Nancy is still in boob squish hell at the mammogram clinic being grilled by Valerie, who is appropriately curious about Nancy's surveillance activities of late. Nancy asks her out for coffee, her treat, where she'll try to explain. Valerie agrees and starts to leave the room. "Can you, uh, release the hounds?" begs Nancy, glancing down at her boob. Valerie tells her that another tech will be in to finish her mammogram. What a great job to have when you need to question people.

Dean is out riding his mid-life-crisis-cycle, grinning maniacally. A couple of "real" bikers ride up alongside him. One nods at him, indicating that he should join them. Dean happily does and for about a mile or two Dean seems to be living the lawyer-cum-biker dream. But, of course, the bikers are just messing with him and Dean is soon pushed off the road. He goes flying off the side and lands roughly.

Valerie meets up with Nancy, who awkwardly asks, "Don't you love coffee?" Duh, Nancy. Who doesn't like coffee? Commies, that's who. Anyway, Valerie snarks, "Yes, I love coffee and we both slept with Peter. We're practically soul mates!" Nancy asks how Tim is doing and Valerie asks Nancy how she thinks he is. His father's dead. Nancy makes another attempt at winning Valerie over by telling her that she has two boys and their father is also dead. Valerie is losing patience and says that Tim doesn't even like Nancy and she thought it was just jealousy but now she sees that it's because Nancy is a "crazy stalker narcissist wack job." Nancy nods and then says, "I started sketching again...Jesus, I do sound nuts. Well, it was nice meeting you, even though you're kind of a bitch." On her way out, Nancy hands Valerie the sketch she did of her and tells her that she can keep it or throw it out. Whatever. Valerie looks at the sketch and seems pleasantly flattered by it. I don't know, though. Sketches of you done surreptitiously by people you don't know are always a little creepy. But maybe I'm just a jerk.

Nancy, Andy, and Sanjay are discussing territories. Sanjay will be in charge of the college circuit and the gay clubs, "Because I'm gay," Sanjay is eager to point out. Tara and Silas come downstairs and inform Nancy that the Lord wants Tara to sell weed. Also, she'll make a lot of money for them. Nancy reluctantly agrees and sends Shane to answer the doorbell. It's Valerie. Nancy goes to the door and Valerie tells her that she wants to apologize for acting like an asshole. Tim is in the car, obnoxiously beeping the horn. Nancy asks if she called before and hung up. "Twice," Valerie sheepishly admits. Nancy calls her a crazy stalker person. "Call it even?" asks Valerie. Nancy smiles and Valerie hands her a little gift: an effervescent bath bomb. "My advice is to let it bubble between your legs," she says. Word. Tim continues honking so Valerie says she has to go smack him. "Your boobs are fine," she says. "Aren't you glad I'm not a proctologist?" "You have short fingernails, but a lot of anger," says Nancy. Aw. A (really weird) friendship is born!

Celia is at Sullivan's office and they are discussing celebratory plans for when (if) the referendum passes. Isabelle calls Celia's cell phone and Celia, irritated, talks to her while Sullivan gropes her butt. Isabelle is worried about Dean but Celia snaps, "I'm sure he's fine. God protects the stupid." Then we cut to a shot of Dean, lying in a ditch, bleeding and moaning.

At home, Nancy is complaining about the air conditioning not working while Shane tries to explain something to her. Silas comes home and complains about his role in the operation. Shane keeps trying to get his mom's attention but Nancy finally tells him to "go eat some cake or watch YouTube." Silas and Nancy discuss the addition of Tara and Nancy dismisses Silas' enthusiasm by saying that he doesn't know anything about Tara except that she's a fundamentalist who sells pot. Besides, Nancy has other plans for him that will keep him out of trouble: she's going to take him to the growhouse.

Meanwhile, back in the ditch, a dog comes across Dean and sniffs at him, then lifts his leg and pees on Dean's face. For a really long time. Dean whimpers.

Sullivan and Celia are half-clothed and gushing over the referendum passing. Celia's cell phone rings just as she and Sullivan are getting ready to do the dirty-dirty. It's Isabelle. Celia is having a hard time understanding her and tells her to stop crying and talk. Celia's face falls and she cries, "Son of a bitch!" Dean is all tractioned up at the hospital. Isabelle and Celia are standing at the foot of his bed. Isabelle is crying. "Will you drop the Steel Magnolias bit?" Celia says. "Why are you such a c*nt?" asks Isabelle. Celia pinches Isabelle and the slap-hand fight until the doctor comes in. Fortunately, animal urine disinfected many of his wounds, but he will need several more surgeries. "We have a long road ahead," says the doctor, but Celia corrects her saying that there is no "we" as far as she's concerned. Isabelle, pissed, informs Celia that there is no one else. "What about the state?" Celia asks. Ruthless!

Doug is waiting at the gate of his golf club. The attendant says that his membership has been revoked from pretty high up and Doug is going to need to turn his car around. Doug says that he's not going anywhere and management "can kiss my black ass." Doug gets towed away.

At the growhouse, Nancy tells Conrad that she wants him to teach Silas how to grow. Conrad is less than thrilled by this suggestion, but Nancy says that Silas needs a positive male influence in his life. Conrad reluctantly agrees and tells Silas that his mother is as smooth as butter. He turns back to Nancy and asks how much she will be paying him to babysit. Nancy offers $10 an hour, which Conrad of course scoffs at. She says that once business is up and running, she'll buy him a Rolex. "Because all black men like a little bling bling?" he asks. "Yes," says Nancy.

Andy and Doug are visiting Dean in the hospital and eying his nurse. "Tell me she gave you a sponge bath," asks Doug. "Blink once for yes and twice for hell yes," says Andy. Doug has power of attorney forms for Dean. "You need to take care of this now or your c*nt wife will crush the only part of you that hasn't been crushed," he says. Doug takes Dean's hand and scribbles a signature for him and tells Dean about the growhouse and how money will be flowing in soon. Andy drools at the morphine drip and convinces Doug to help him find some clean needles so they can steal a few hits.

Celia is at Sullivan's office whining about her predicament with Dean and says that she needs to sell her Majestic house. She can't, of course, because it's owned by a dummy corporation. Uh oh. Looks like Celia is going to have to move back in with Dean and Isabelle!

Nancy and Valerie are sitting at Nancy's, drinking wine and complaining about the black out and discussing the overpopulation of the world and how it is doomed. Nancy looks up and says that when Shane was little he used to call the stars "up aboves." "I miss the simplicity of toddlerhood," says Nancy. "Amen to that," says Valerie. They lie down on the ground and stare up at the stars together.
"I'm failing my children," says Nancy.
"Oh god, who isn't?"
"Tim's kind of a d*ckhead."
"F*ck you, I love my d*ckhead son."
They laugh and Valerie yells that she wants cake. Andy peers at them and says, "How drunk are we?"
"We're not drunk, we're lubricated," says Valerie. She gets up and bickers with Andy, which culminates in her showing him her boobs. "I'm getting cake and three forks," she says and goes inside. Nancy asks if Andy likes her and he asks who she is. "She's Peter's ex-wife," says Nancy. "Are you f*cking insane?" asks Andy.

At a press conference for the new Agrestic/Majestic merger, Sullivan is giving a Bush-like speech about how "change is good because change is change." Nancy stands by, grinning, while Celia watches from her car. "God bless the new Majestic!" shouts Sullivan as a sign with a huge cross on it for the t in Majestic is unveiled. Suddenly the ground starts to rumble. There's an explosion and a huge sewage geyser shoots into the air. Doug stands a few feet away and does the robot while Sullivan curses him. Nancy laughs.

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Suzy Q

Ack! I couldn't read your recap until after I watched it last night. This DID seem like a really quick episode. Not much happened, either. Wonder if Valerie'll be sticking around.

I don't think you missed anything, Kelly. Thanks for recapping!

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