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Weeds Recap


Dudes, I love Celia but I'm thinking we need to form a posse...soon!

Nancy and Sullivan are lounging on the boardroom table, post-sexy-time, and discussing Nancy's departure. Nancy's panties are still down around her knees, which is a really classy look. Even classier is Celia, who is spying on them from the other room and I really don't understand how they don't see her because she's practically standing straight up and squinting at them. Sullivan asks Nancy where she's headed and she vaguely says Aquatecture (although in this episode they keep pronouncing it Aguatecture). Sullivan also wants to know if they can do it a few more times and Nancy's all, "We'll see." Celia cocks her head at the mention of Aq/guatecture and sneaks out.

Silas is sitting at the kitchen counter when Tara comes in. They kiss and chit chat for a few minutes. Silas tries to convince Tara to go upstairs with him by whispering sweet weed-related nothings in her ear about how he's going to trick her bud and do something with her stems. But before things can go any further, a car horn honks outside and Tara says she has to go. Silas innocently asks where she's going and she says she's going with some dude to a laser show. Silas is all, "Quoi? Is this a date?" because, like, isn't he dating Tara? She explains that laser show guy fulfills her "cultural" needs while Silas is her sensual outlet or something. Silas, hurt, says, "I'm just something for you to rub up on?" Tara "yeah, kinda. bye."s him and takes off. Man. Silas has no luck with the ladies. His first girlfriend disappears to Mexico for no apparent reason. His second girlfriend gets an abortion after he went to all the trouble of poking holes in his condoms and goes to Princeton. Now this one is just totally playing him.

Nancy waits for Valerie outside of the clinic and has a few grand for her. Valerie basically tells Nancy to go to hell, but comes back and grabs the money, hissing, "This is how broke I am." Whatever, Valerie, take the money. I'm broke and when people hand me envelopes of cash I usually don't take the time to argue about ethics. I'm already at the grocery store at that point.

Valerie decides to see a private investigator. She tells him about Peter's side projects and how she knew about them for so long. She's also highly suspicious of Nancy, since she married Peter and he suddenly got killed. And who the hell does Nancy think she is, cashing in on Peter's life insurance when they were only married maybe six months while Valerie is raising Peter's demon spawn. The P.I. tells Valerie that he'll need a retainer, so she tosses the envelope of money at him. Well, hell, Val. You're not that broke, are you?

Doug is addressing...er, screaming obscenities at the Majestic city council. The Agrestic city council has found out that they will not be getting seats on the council but instead will have to run and be elected like everyone else. Doug scoffs that any city council that knows what it's doing locks things up and doesn't let anyone new in. There's also the matter of the contracts that Agrestic had out that are now void. The head councilwoman tells him to simmer down, especially since they're still looking into his investment in Aquatecture. Celia's head perks up when she hears that name again. Doug continues to shout at the councilwoman and accuses her of having fat ankles or cankles (calves + ankles). He gets the Agrestic people to chant "cankles" at her as she flees the room with the rest of the Majestic city council. Celia confronts Doug after the chaos dies down and says that she's going to find out what this Aquatecture business is all about. Doug has a number of amazing one-liners in this scene, but I'm not quick enough to catch them. Argh.

Nancy is sparring with a punching bag in her room when Silas comes up and tells her that they need to get rid of Tara since she's untrustworthy. Nancy is a more than a little irritated since she told Silas that they shouldn't bring her on. Silas admits that he was wrong, but still wants Nancy to get rid of her. Nancy, speaking as Silas' boss, tells him that Tara brings in the most money and until he's matching her performance they're keeping her on. With that out of the way, Nancy puts her mom hat on and says that she's really sorry that Tara's hurting him, that she's not good enough for him.

Shane is outside installing a surveillance camera in the garage. Andy comes out, irritated that Shane is making too much noise. He marvels at Shane's intelligence and ability to put things together. He says that Judah was always really good at putting stuff together, making it work. That's why he had to go the opposite direction and get good at blowing things up. But the only career path for someone like that is terrorist. Shane lists a whole mess of careers, exciting ones, that Andy could get into with that skill. "Blowing shit up is not just for terrorists," he says. "Don't let them take that away from you!" Sanjay shows up looking, as Andy puts it, very gay. He's wearing a pink tank top. The P.I. that Valerie hired is across the street taking pictures of them from a pool repair van. He grins, knowingly, when he sees Sanjay hand Andy money and his bag. While Andy goes inside to refill Sanjay's bag, Shane asks Sanjay if he always knew he liked boys. Sanjay puts on his concerned face and asked Shane if he wants to ask him anything, if something is bothering him. Shane chuckles and says no, he always knew that Sanjay was gay. Okay.

Celia shows up at Aquatecture and finds Heylia and Vaneeta sitting at the desk. "Where's your owner?" asks Celia. Heylia and Vaneeta give Celia a LOOK. Celia apologizes and rephrases and then grills them about their business. Heylia tells Celia that she's the owner. Celia demands to see their back area and puts her hand on the doorknob. Heylia tells her to think carefully about what she's doing instead of saying, "Who the hell do you think you are coming in here and demanding to see a restricted area when you aren't a cop with a search warrant now why don't you back the hell up and get out of my store?" Celia reconsiders and starts to leave but Conrad pops out from the back to ask Heylia a question. Celia recognizes him from Nancy's "bakery" and their pre-mastectomy romp in the car and gasps, "Carpenter!" Conrad looks at her, not remembering her at first. Celia leaves and Vaneeta asks who that was. Heylia scowls and says that maybe they should ask Conrad.

Shane shows Nancy some images from the surveillance camera that show the P.I. in his pool guy disguise taking pictures of their house. Then he shows her the live feed in which the P.I. is disguised as a surveyor and is, you know, surveying their house. Nancy goes outside and confronts the P.I. He wants to do some business with her, namely he wants $50,000 to keep quiet about Nancy's illegal activities. Nancy realizes she's up against a wall and agrees to meet him the next day with the money.

Celia is slumped on the kitchen floor, drinking and looking at their pile of bills. Isabelle and Dean roll in and Celia slurs that they're poor. Dean tells Isabelle to take a walk and Celia snarks that apparently she's not the only one who thinks Isabelle needs more exercise. Seriously, Isabelle, DECK HER. Isabelle says that she doesn't think Dean should be alone with Celia. Heh. She leaves though, and Celia tells Dean that she wants to know all about Aquatecture. Dean insists not to know what she's talking about. But after Celia wraps him in duct tape, knocks his wheelchair over, and steps on his diapered balls, Dean finally agrees to tell her everything. Dude. Celia is out of control.

Nancy meets the P.I. at some undisclosed location and mouths off about how he wants his money so he won't tell anyone about her profession blah blah blah. Nancy starts to tell him about her kids and the P.I. doesn't want to hear it. "You're mugging me, you piece of shit," she says. "You'll listen to what I have to say." She starts talking about how Shane is so smart and how she took him to some spyware store and purchased a wiretap necklace that has been recording their conversation. If the authorities find out about her drug dealing, that'll be bad for her, but if they find out that he was blackmailing her, that'll be really bad for him. The P.I. gets the point but as Nancy walks away she tosses him a shopping bag full of cash. Uh...I don't get it.

Nancy meets Valerie outside the clinic. Valerie asks Nancy how much money she has for her this time: loose change, maybe? Nancy tells her that the P.I. that she hired shook her down and took her money and yells at Valerie for never recognizing that they money was legally hers. Valerie asks here why she came there and Nancy says that she thought she needed a friend, but she doesn't and tells Valerie not to call her. Soooo...did Nancy give the P.I. the money to get him off her back and then actually not have any money to give Valerie? I'm confused.

Nancy comes home and finds Conrad on her couch. He tells her that Celia showed up at Aquatecture and that he found her number in his cell phone. He called Celia and found out that Celia knows everything. "How bad is this, Nancy?" he asks. Nancy doesn't answer but instead throws her keys across the room. Uh oh.

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Gino Green Global

It was a great season... not as good as the earlier ones in my opinion but still good.

Suzy Q

Great recap, Kelly.

Sullivan and Nancy are one classy couple, ain't they? Although, you have to appreciate the realistic touch when Nancy, still with panties at half mast, grabs a couple of Kleenex to clean up with before rearranging herself again.

I also don't get why Valerie is always so broke. She has a job. Sure, maybe she's not raking in tons of $$$, but still. And, how long were she and Peter divorced? She must have gotten SOME kind of settlement. And with Peter leaving behind a spawn, I'd think the insurance money wouldn've been split, anyway. Am I picking at nits? Probably. But, this kind of shit annoys me.

I also don't get the P.I. payoff by Nancy. He was giving up. Why pay him? Just to get back at Valerie?

Celia is full-on bonkers. But she has been for awhile now, so nothing she does really surprises me anymore.

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