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Weeds Recap


So, last week, after Nancy finished a hard day of negotiating her way out of debt, moving a trunk full of heroin to a rival Mexican gang, "legalizing" her boss' construction crew, and then using those new citizens to petition to have Majestic and Agrestic merge into the weed and porn capital of California, she inexplicably demanded some oral pleasure from her skeevy boss Sullivan. While that was going on, the body of her dead husband Pete washed up.

Pete's partner, the burping one, goes into his boss' office and lets him know that Pete's body has been discovered. The boss has the grizzled old detective shtick down pat, and wastes no time in berating Pete's partner (whose name is totally escaping me and I can't seem to find it anywhere argh) and his burping, which apparently smells like pastrami. Ew. But the boss has a surprise for Pete's partner. Internal Affairs was investigating them and their side operation (!) for awhile and the boss tells Pete's partner that he needs to cough up any money left over before he his early retirement starts.

At Pete's funeral, Nancy stands by a tree some distance away, looking like a stalker. Pete's ex-wife watches, obnoxiously chewing gum, as the casket is lowered into the ground. Nancy's phone rings. It's Sullivan. He has a gift for Nancy, a sexy red dress, and wants to know when they're going to have sex again. "When I'm feeling desperate again," says Nancy. Sullivan keeps talking as she snaps her phone shut and watches as Pete's ex-wife and son make their way to the car. The ex-wife hands the flag from Pete's casket to her son, Tim, but it's not the comforting token she thought it would be. Tim angrily unfolds the flag and throws it at his mom.

Nancy stops by the warehouse and is buzzed in by Heylia, who greets her icily. Nancy comments on the breakdown of their relationship and Heylia replies, "What can I say? You bring out the 'f*ck you' in me." Not one to give up, Nancy squees, "You're free!" Heylia isn't impressed and says, "Abe Lincoln beat you to it." Nancy clarifies that their debt is gone and, plopping a small wad of cash on Heylia's desk, she wants to buy some goods. Heylia chuckles at Nancy's attempts at a business transaction and tells her that they're working with pot clubs and only dealing in bulk orders now. She tells Nancy to come back with five figures and she'll throw in a fountain for free, since their cover operation is a Aquatecture fountain...sculptures or something.

Nancy arrives home to find Doug cooking in her kitchen. They go through a hilarious run down of everyone's whereabouts, which I so wish I could recreate here, but I wasn't fast enough. But anyway, Doug informs Nancy that her "small one with the big vocabulary and the creepy eyes" is outside with "Celia's dyke." Shane and Isabelle prance in and Nancy wants to know why they're home. They've been suspended until they accept Jesus as their savior, so in the meantime they're going to play some Wii. Nancy gets distracted by her first paycheck which has arrived in the mail but is sadly amused by the fact that Silas, who has recently deposited a sack of money at home, is pulling in more money than she is. She asks Doug if she can borrow some money and they start talking about opening up a cover operation again. Please let it be better than the bakery. That was such a failure. Nancy asks Shane where his karate contact sheet is and he tells her it's in a drawer in the kitchen. Nancy locates it and looks at the entry for Pete's son.

At the porn set, Andy takes some initiative and starts gushing to the director about how great his work is and how it's always sort of been a dream of his to act in a porno. The director has, of course, heard all of this before from every other caterer they've ever had. The thing is, you have to be special to be in porno. What can Andy bring to the table? Next we see Andy making his acting debut in a series of movies called "Foot F*ckers." So...like...you know how most guys in porn use their, uh, members to "act" with the ladies? And you know how Andy had his toes bitten off? Well, Andy's special talent is using his foot to "act." Occupational hazards include leg cramps and, uh, foot fungus, I guess.


Celia is signing her divorce papers when Sullivan calls. He wants to know if she likes the dress he sent her, which I'm pretty sure is the dress he had for Nancy. Celia breezily says that it's very nice but that he sent her a size 2, which is "flattering and annoying." She doodles on her divorce papers, drawing smiley faces all over it, as Sullivan sweet talks her. Meanwhile, Nancy is doing stuff around Sullivan's office and while he talks to Celia, he writes, "I love your ass," on a legal pad and shows it to Nancy. He does other, really mature things like throw stuff at Nancy's head.

Isabelle and Shane have found a secluded spot to have their first pre-teen drug experimentation. Somehow, this scene is much cuter than the one I saw on Saturday, which included a bunch of 12-year-olds smoking up by a dumpster behind CVS. Juvenile delinquency is just nicer in the suburbs, I guess. Anyway, Isabelle and Shane aren't so into the taste of weed and Shane says that maybe it's no good. Isabelle chuckles and says that her dad got it from Shane's mom. Shane is a little shocked by Isabelle's knowledge of his mom's line of work and he looks pretty sad.

No matter. Nancy has a new line of work: self-employed private investigator/stalker. She has parked herself outside of Pete's ex-wife's house. Tim comes out, dressed for karate, gets in the car and honks the horn. His mom comes out and yells at him for making so much noise, so he locks her out. This continues for a few more seconds before he finally lets her in the car. Nancy follows them to karate, where Tim greets his instructor with a kick to the balls. Nancy takes a video of this and his mom's apology with her phone. The mom finally pulls away and Nancy follows her to some other location. Nancy has a long wait, during which she eats a hamburger and addresses envelopes. At one point, the ex-wife comes out to argue with a meter man who's giving her a ticket. Nancy seems delicately amused by all of this.

At home, Celia disrobes to stare at her naked figure in the mirror. Her reconstructed breasts have scars and are lumpy. Celia looks unsure how to feel about them.

Isabelle and Shane are lying down in the grass. "Thanks," says Shane. "That was my first boob." Isabelle asks how it was and Shane says it was good, then asks if she wants to touch his, you know. "I'm not really into penises," says Isabelle. They talk about their moms. Isabelle admits that she loves and misses Celia, even if she is a bitch. Funny. I feel almost the exact same way about Celia. Shane asks Isabelle if she feels stoned. Isabelle isn't sure. "I prefer beer," she says. "I prefer touching your boob," says Shane. These two are absolutely brilliant together.

Heylia is reading the paper. The headline connects U-Turn to Pete's murder. That's convenient. There's another headline about pot clubs. There was a bust? Heylia gets on the phone and asks the person on the other end if they want to make a buy.

On the porn set, Andy is done filming for the day and the director tells him to go make some hot dogs. Andy is appalled and goes on this long soliloquy about porn actors and how the men are exploited. Yes, Andy. It's just the men that are being exploited. Thanks for fighting the good fight. The director listens to this and then repeats his demand that Andy go make hot dogs.

Silas and Tara show up at Heylia's and hand her a check. She tells them to grab their fountain, which they do, along with a duffel bag of what I assume is weed.

Celia is making out with Sullivan when she stops him to tell him about her cancer and that her boobs are now made of spare parts. Sullivan doesn't care, but Celia wants to keep her top on because she's embarrassed. Sullivan admits that he has to take "magical boner pills," so he's not exactly in tip-top shape, either. Celia is comforted by this and finally takes off her shirt. Sullivan looks at her boobs and says, "Cool." He caresses and kisses them and Celia says that if she had any feeling in her nipples, she's sure that would feel awesome. In a voice over, which is kind of odd for this show, Sullivan tells Celia about how the first time he saw her, there was something very familiar about her. While he's saying this, Nancy pulls up to the spot where the ex-wife was the day before. It turns out that the ex-wife, whose name is Valerie, runs the mammogram machine at a clinical facility. Valerie instructs Nancy to put her breast on the plate and starts the squishing, telling Nancy that she's lucky. "You should see some of the jugs we get in here," she says. "Gravity's cruel." Nancy asks if Valerie likes her job and Valerie replies, "Are you locked in?" Nancy doesn't answer so Valerie says, "I know who you are," as she takes Nancy's Diet Coke from her and drinks it. If I were Nancy, I would kill Valerie right then and there for such a crime. "Why are you here? What do you want? Why are you stalking me?" asks Valerie.

Hmm...so Pete and his partner had a side operation. Sullivan thought Celia, who had breast cancer, was familiar which was expressed in a voice over as Nancy went to the mammogram clinic where Valerie works and Valerie knows who Nancy is. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

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yeah and who did heylia call? and why is heylia such a b*tch??????????

this show is totally addictive

Nic (bridehood)

But but but there are unanswered questions and I can't take that!


Christin - Helia called Nancy, which is why Silas showed up to make the buy.

Sullivan cracks me up with his blatant harrasment. I can't beleive he sent the same dress to Celia - but I did like tat he wa so good about her insecurities.

I love this show!


LOVES me my Weeds! Hubby and I think that Nancy celebrates her victories with sex. There's a pattern developing. Totally addictive show...


I actually don't think Heylia called Nancy - She told Nancy she'd need 5 figures to buy from her, so I'm not sure what the point in calling would be. I think maybe that burpy dude (Peter's partner) secretly buys from Heylia? Just a theory.


maybe heylia called silas directly? he's been doing really well so maybe he's trying to break away from nancy and do his own operation.


I was going to say the exact same thing as Kelly. I think she called Silas directly.


I still think she called Nancy because she had been selling to the clinics, larger quantity, but then they were busted. She needed to sell to someone and called Nancy. Silas even asked for his free fountain - which Helia told Nancy she could have if and when she bought from her.

Now, she could have got the loan from Doug, but I doubt it. I just think Helia got a little to big for her britches, and had to eat crow.

I don;t think Silas is ready for a move that big, nor do I think he even knew about Helia pror to this.

Of course, I have been wrong before. :)

Suzy Q

Am I too late? Sigh. Yes, yes, I am. But I had to TiVo and didn't get to watch until a couple of nights ago.

Great recap, as always, Kelly. I love the Weeds, too. And, I haven't a fucking clue what's to happen next.

I kind of thought it was funny that Valerie had Nancy's boob literally in a vice before announcing she knew who she was. What's up with clutching a Diet Coke during a mammogram?

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