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Weeds Recap


Okay, children. How can we tell that the Botwins and Co. are totally screwed? By the end of the episode, Nancy is consulting Shane and Judah for advice.

Nancy and Silas are at the doctor's office, but not the regular doctor, the doctor who works on drug dealers and the like. Hey, somebody has to. But do they really not have insurance anymore? Not through Judah's job or anything? Anyway, the doctor takes a look at Silas and tells him that he's not in horrible shape. He does need stitches on his forehead, though, and all they can afford is a topical anesthetic. Ow. Nancy objects but the doctor points out that going for a second opinion will put them back multiple thousands of dollars and will probably result in some uncomfortable questioning. "How can we call ourselves a first-world country when we can't even provide decent health care for our criminals?" Ha! Don't feel bad, Nancy. Law-abiding citizens treat their ailments via WebMD and Google image searches. At least there's topical anesthetic and uh, all that weed you're growing. Silas will be fine.

Shane, clad in yet another Pittsburgh shirt, and Andy are staring each other down. "Is Judah here right now?" asks Andy. Shane says that he is. In fact, he's right behind Andy. Andy gasps and spins around and then laughs at himself for being so silly. "Did you catch The Sixth Sense on cable?" he asks. Shane says that Judah has something to say to Andy. "He wants to know why you let mom down. Why didn't you take better care of us?" says Shane. Uh, because Andy's got some well-documented Peter Pan issues, Shane. Also, your dad cashed in his life insurance to remodel the kitchen and now your mom's a drug dealer. NO ONE IS REALLY KNOCKING IT OUT OF THE ADULTHOOD PARK HERE, SHANE!

Nancy and Silas come home and Silas rants that there must be some way to retaliate. Nancy scoffs at him. "I have no muscle. Besides, I'm in heels." Andy comes downstairs and announces that Shane really believes that Judah is hanging around, doling out criticism. There's some mention of a psychiatrist and Silas mutters that he should have been going to a shrink all along. "He's f*cking nuts." Nancy collapses on the couch and says, "Why does everything have to blow up simultaneously? It's not fair." Andy plops down next to her and says that it could be worse. "You could be pregnant." Nancy shushes him since that's not even funny. "Relax, it's not like you're getting any," says Andy. Nancy gives him a pointed look and Andy's all "OMG, seriously?" But why do they have to beat us over the head with all of this foreshadowing? Nancy is so pregnant. I'll bet she has twins or some shit.

Celia goes to the bank to make a deposit. The teller looks at her slip and says, "Fifteen thousand dollars?" Celia sighs that it's been a good month. The teller starts telling Celia about all of the forms she'll need to fill out for a such a large deposit. Celia gets nervous, grabs her wads of cash and exits the bank. God, Celia what made you think that the bank would just take $15,000 in cash and not raise an eyebrow?

Sullivan answers his phone and hears a poorly disguised voice on the other end. Doug is being a bad ass and threatening Sullivan, but his voice changer craps out in the middle of the call leaving Sullivan to chuckle and Doug to blush.

Celia goes to the growhouse and tells Heylia that she needs to know what she does with all of her drug money. "Sorry," says Heylia. "I ain't training another white girl in the ways of the drug business." Celia points out that she's the landlord. Heylia finally tells her to take 20% and stash it away as a savings account and take the other 80% and "start a business." For this task, Celia will need to find an accountant who doesn't mind bending the rules. Gee... Celia asks if Heylia ever worries about getting caught but Heylia tells her to put that out of her mind and compares it to the risk one takes when flying on an airplane. Celia hugs Heylia and says, "We're going to be friends!" before rushing out the door. "Lord, help me," says Heylia. Aw, they're so cute together!

Nancy is taking a turn talking to Shane about his new relationship with Judah. Apparently Judah likes the way Nancy wears her down. Shane is either clairvoyant or has a bit of an Oedipus complex. Shane reports that Judah is mad at all of them. Nancy tells Shane to tell Judah that that's not fair. "You tell him, he's here," says Shane. "No, he's not. He's dead. You saw him. You were there. Please don't do this anymore, it's making me really sad," says Nancy. Shane wants to know why Nancy doesn't love Judah anymore and Nancy says that she'll always love the memory of him. "He says he still loves you," says Shane. This freaks Nancy out even more. Shane tells her not to be mad at him and Nancy says that she's not mad, she's scared. "She's mad," Shane says to the ceiling.

Conrad answers the door at the growhouse to find a neighborhood busybody named Eve Merriweather. She's trying to mobilize the neighborhood to fight crime and catch criminals, particularly criminals that steal crosses off of churches. Conrad feigns shock and asks who would do such a thing. "Jews," says Eve, but notes that they're mostly urban. Vaneeta and her baby make their way into the house and Eve gushes that Vaneeta must be "the wife." She coos over the baby and says, "Why are little black babies so adorable?" "Why are white babies so ugly?" says Vaneeta. Eve laughs and says that she hopes she'll see all of them at church. "I hate white idiots," says Vaneeta. "I hate white idiots named Doug," says Conrad.

Celia shows up at Doug's office. "Celia! To what do I owe this horror?" says Doug. Celia says that she needs a shady accountant with no scruples who would do anything to make a buck to set up a dummy corporation for her, just like he did for Nancy. Doug declines, pointing out that he likes Nancy. "Everyone likes Nancy, everyone hates Celia. You need a new narrative," says Celia. "We like the old narrative. It felt right," says Doug. He eyes Celia and marvels that he really wants to have sex with her. "You do?" she says. "I must have some kinda castrating bitch fetish," says Doug. Celia, uh, injures Doug's manhood and Doug suggests Ballbusters, Inc. for the name of her new company. "Whatever," she says. "Work it out. Bitch."

Silas plops a gun down in front of Nancy and tells her that he stole it from Conrad at the growhouse. "We can't just stand around and do nothing!" says Silas. Nancy takes the gun and locks it in the trunk in the laundry room with all of the other contraband and says, "I'm not going up against a gang of biker drug dealers with a 17-year-old, a flamboyant Hindi queen, and a four-foot-tall, Jesus-loving pixie as my posse." She says that it's a problem for the head of the family and Silas snots that the head of the family is dead. "At least that isn't my fault," says Nancy.

Andy is at a car wash (?) talking to Denise about Silas getting beat up by Chester. Denise whines that there isn't much she can do about Chester. "This Romeo and Juliet shit isn't working for me, not if there isn't anything you can do to stop him," says Andy. "Tell your brother that if he ever touches anyone in my family again, I'll kill him," he says and stomps off. He returns rather quickly and says, "Okay maybe don't pass that message along, but just know in your heart that this behavior isn't acceptable." That's right, Andy. Lay the smackdown.

Nancy shows up at Guillermo's (Mexican heroin dealer) house, where he and his friends are grilling some steaks and listening to reggaeton. Nancy tells Guillermo that she needs help. "Did you try Home Depot?" says Guillermo. "There's plenty of Mexicans there to help you." Nancy tells him that she's being shaken down by the bikers and that they beat up her son. Nancy wants protection and Guillermo wants to know what he'll get in return. "My undying gratitude?" says Nancy. Yeah, cause that's always been the standard currency the drug world. Guillermo wants to be partners and to have half of everything of Nancy's. Uh, that's a little steep, Guillermo. Nancy doesn't really seem to be in the mood to negotiate so she accepts. "You don't have to worry about those biker pendejos anymore," says Guillermo and flips a steak over making the grill flare way up. I think somewhere in there he calls Nancy a "cholita."

Nancy shows up at the growhouse and gives Conrad the gun back, telling him to hide it better next time. Conrad asks if he should be carrying it but Nancy says that she took care of it. "I went and bought some protection from Guillermo," she says. "You realize you're trading one gangster for another," says Conrad. Nancy says that if she doesn't have any money then she won't be able to do business. "Let's face it, I'm a drug dealer. I'M A DRUG DEALER!" Uh, yes, we've known that for about 3 seasons, Nancy. Conrad asks how much the protection is costing and is not exactly pleased when Nancy tells him half. "I did what I had to do to protect my family," says Nancy. "And who protects us from Guillermo?" asks Conrad. Nancy says she can handle Guillermo. "How? By f*cking him?" asks Conrad. "That is so not fair," says Nancy. Conrad approaches her and says that they're in this together now. They kiss but are interrupted by Heylia. "Ain't this the f*cking shit?" she says.

Cops in another part of the state are looking at some images from the thermal imaging helicopter thing. One cop asks his partner if he's seen anything sexy and the partner says that he spotted a couple of meth labs. "If the Patriot Act had tits, I'd buy it a steak," he says. They spot a suspiciously large, cross-shaped source of heat and the one cop remembers hearing something from Majestic about a cross being stolen. He calls the police there. Uh oh.

Shane and Silas are watching the California fires on TV. Nancy is alarmed to hear how close they are. Andy gets off the phone and says that he was just talking to Denise and that apparently the fire started in their growfield. Ew, why was their weed so dry? But Nancy seems to realize that maybe Guillermo started his protection rather dramatically and sinks to the couch as everyone starts firing questions at her. What are we going to do? Does that mean we have to leave? What about the growhouse? "Shane," says Nancy. "Ask Judah if he has any ideas."

« Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd" | Pop Culture Main | Real Housewives Tonight - Peep the Preview! »


Suzy Q

Ahhh! Have't seen it yet!

*covers eyes*

La, la, la, la, la.

I'll be back after I see it.

Suzy Q

Ok, I'm back!

This episode annoyed me a bit. That whole thing with the doctor was so unnecesary. He could've gone to an ER and just said he got beat up at school or fell off his bike or something. Celia's banking stupidity: annoying. Shane talking to Judah: creepy AND annoying.

Heylia's always good for a hoot, though, as was Guillermo. But, Nancy totally spread her legs on that one; she should've talked down the percentage. Listen to me, talking like I know what it's like to negotiate with a gangster! Hee.

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