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Weeds Recap


Alas! Weeds is over for this year. I am not thankful for this...

The Botwins are watching the news coverage of the fires and Nancy squeaks out an "Oy vey." Andy muses that arson supposedly fulfills some sexual desire and asks Nancy if she couldn't have just rubbed one out. "You're a gangster!" he gasps. Silas overhears this and asks if she did this to get back at the bikers and Nancy of course denies the accusation. Silas says he's proud of Nancy and she tells him not to be. "What's our next move?" asks Silas. Shane starts to say Pittsburgh but Silas shuts him down. I don't know why everyone on this show can't get with Pittsburgh. Fools. "Time to pack up, we're leaving," says Nancy. "Take only what's really important."

Pam (aka Moonbeam from PCU) is being interviewed and tells the reporter that they put a bunch of their stuff in garbage bags in the pool, but now they're worried that water will seep into the bags and damage the Bowflex. Celia is trying to evacuate but a fire truck has blocked the driveway. She argues with one of the firefighters but he has work to do and isn't trying to hear Celia whining about how she just had to pack up everything and couldn't leave when she was supposed to. "You spiteful f*cking piece of shit!" she screams and asks how he would handle packing up all of his stuff. "Well, I live in a shitty apartment and my ex-wife has all the nice stuff," he says. "But you're welcome for trying to save your life, your home, and all your crap." Snap. "Fair enough," says Celia, and announces that she'll seek out the shuttle. She gives the firefighter her phone number and tells him to call her. She tells him that they can have drinks and angry sex. Word!

At the growhouse, Heylia is anxious to leave. "You get nervous around a barbecue," says Conrad. Heylia says that she wants to quit being nervous and wants to open a club: "Heylia's Compassionate Care." Besides, she doesn't want to see Conrad and Nancy sucking face all the time. "I hope she can cook a decent turkey, because she ain't coming to my house for Thanksgiving," says Heylia.

The Botwins are still packing. Shane brings out his turtles, Franco and Warhol. Nancy is surprised to find out that Shane has turtles and is even more surprised to hear that he's had them almost a year. More guilt is piled onto Nancy's already overflowing plate. Shane pulls a waffle iron box out of one of the cabinets. Nancy tells him that they need to leave that there, but Shane pulls insurance info and other stuff out of the box. "Dad's earthquake box," smiles Nancy. Shane says that he doesn't want to leave without Judah and Nancy once again tries to talk some sense into Shane. She finally resorts to addressing Judah herself. Shane looks relieved and agrees to get moving. Silas wants to stop at the growhouse to grab his seedlings, but Nancy says she'll go instead.

At the rec center shelter, Andy motivates the crew to start selling weed to the evacuees gathered there. Doug strolls around playing a banjo and singing. It's very odd.

Nancy shows up at the growhouse. Conrad is the only one left. Nancy says that she thinks Guillermo started the fire. "Can you make a turkey?" says Conrad. Nancy is caught a little off-guard by the question. Conrad says that Heylia makes these deep-fried turkeys. Nancy admits that she's more of a bake/broil kind of girl. Besides, deep-frying a turkey is kind of dangerous...but sounds delicious. "Nancy, what are you going to do if it all burns down? Your house? Your suburb?" asks Conrad. "Well," says Nancy, "I guess I'd have to go." Hmm...there's some finality here. I hope it's not the end for these two.

Nancy arrives back at the shelter and Andy is rolling around on a Segway. Celia excitedly asks Nancy what the next move is. "I thought I'd get some cheese," says Nancy. "I hear they're making fondue at cot 14." Isabelle and Shane are sitting off to the side and Isabelle comments on how nice Nancy's ass is. This makes Shane a little uncomfortable. "Are you really a lesbian?" he asks. "Do you really talk to your dead father?" she replies. Uh, I don't see how the two are really similar.

Some police officers and some firefighters bust into the growhouse and are shocked to find a ton of really huge weed plants and the Absolute Truth Ministries cross lighting the whole operation. One of the firefighters says, "Holy shit, I think they shot Peckers of the Caribbean here!" Another firefighter says that the fire has just spread to the Olive Garden so they have to leave right away.

At the shelter, Shane is still going on about Pittsburgh. Nancy tells him that they're never moving there. Besides, Nancy hates the cold. Whatever, Nancy, it's 63 here today. Global warming is in effect here, too! Nancy tells Shane that if he feels the same when he gets older he can apply to Carnegie Mellon. In a room nearby, Eve Merriweather (who I think is the same woman who solicited Conrad for the neighborhood watch and was one of the program directors at Shane's summer school) is leading a very fervent prayer circle and starts speaking in tongues. Doug comes strolling in to accompany with his banjo. It's all pretty bizarre.

Captain Till of the DEA (Peter's old boss) is questioning Sullivan about the growhouse. Sullivan, of course, shoves all responsibility for ownership of the house onto Celia, explaining that they were sleeping together at the time and that's why he gave her the house. "If I let you stick your finger up my ass, can I get a Porsche?" deadpans Cpt. Till. He tells Sullivan to leave a number where he can be reached.

At the shelter, Andy is getting a pedicure. Nancy tells him that she just got a call from Guillermo and he wants to meet with her. Andy doesn't want her to go but she insists that she has to. "Do you have a plan?" he asks. "I'm working on it," says Nancy. Eve Merriweather's prayer group has just heard that the Absolute Truth Ministries cross has been found, so they get all worked up and declare that they're going over there to rescue it. Tara is with them and is looking all dazed. Always a good sign.

Guillermo and Nancy stand on a hill (the same hill where U-Turn died?) and watch the fires. Guillermo says that God is going to burn it all down because people didn't belong there in the first place, and they'll build it back up bigger and shinier. "It's the circle of life," he says. "Well, hakuna matata," says Nancy and points out that her house, her weed, and her customer base are all about to burn down. It's time to move on. Guillermo tells her that she doesn't belong there anyway. The bikers are moving on, too, but Guillermo doesn't think their paths will cross. Eh? "What am I going to do?" says Nancy. Guillermo points out that she's white, smart, and pretty. "I'll think of something, right?" says Nancy, sarcastically. Guillermo tells her that this is just one tiny valley and that there's one just like it over the hill and so on and so on right into Mexico. Nancy tells him that he's facing West. She thanks him for the muscle and says that she's sorry she can't pay him. Guillermo still wants her to work for him, but Nancy says she won't sell for him, she's no longer anyone's bitch. Guillermo wants her to be his navigator, help him with "traffic." Nancy ponders this but doesn't seem thrilled. He asks which house is hers and Nancy has trouble picking her McMansion out from all of the rest. "Maybe the fire won't get there," says Guillermo. "You could stay here forever."

At the shelter, Doug is still strolling around and is singing about how this is just like the SuperDome, except there is Wi-Fi and flat screen TVs and designer cots and pedicures. Silas watches the news and watches coverage of the Jesus freaks trying to reclaim the cross. Tara is questioned as she's being loaded into an ambulance. The reporter asks her why they went into the house and Tara says, "The Lord told us to go." Silas' jaw drops and he says, "Okay, I'm over her." ha! Celia is paged over the intercom and Pam says, "Was there a raffle I didn't get in on?" But instead, Celia finds herself sitting in front of Captain Till. "Nancy Botwin," she says. Weak.

Nancy Segways up to her house and begs some police to let her into her house, crying that she forgot her husband's ashes. They let her go, giving her two minutes to do what she needs to do. Nancy dumps a huge can of gasoline all over the living room. She calls Andy and tells him to get the kids ready. "It's time to hit the road," she says. "Judah, if you're still here, I tried," she says and lights a match. She runs back outside and the cops ask her where the ashes are. "I forgot that we buried him," says Nancy and rides off.

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I can't even tell you how bummed I am that WEEDS and Californication are done until next season. I look forward to Mondays like never before because of those two shows. Shut up! I am NOT pathetic. I just like quality TV is all...


Isn't Californication rad? I was skeptical of it at first but now I'm so bummed that both that and Weeds are over.

Suzy Q

This was one weird-ass episode. I mean, where do they go from here?

I also loved Californication, especially Duchovny and his gothy little girl. His ex that he and that other guy get all woody about? I don't see it; she's boring.

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