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Weeds Recap


U-Turn may be dead, but his thug training appears to be really blooming in Nancy. She is quickly turning into, well, a gangsta.

Celia is in Nancy's kitchen telling her that she should be very afraid. She knows everything, also, "I watched you have sex with Sullivan," who Celia regards as the best man she's ever known. Dude. Celia needs to get out of the toxic pit that is Majrestic if Sullivan is the nicest guy to ever come along. Nancy absorbs all of Celia's threats but pauses to say, "You watched? How long did you watch?" That is quite creepy, Celia, even if it is your boyfriend and your best friend. Just sayin'. "I want in on your action," says Celia. "Are you coming down with Tourette's?" asks Nancy. Celia says that she'll tell the police and Nancy almost laughs when she says that that would not be advisable. "You will start paying for your many sins against me," says Celia. At that, Nancy grabs a huge knife, pushes Celia onto the counter and holds the knife against her throat. Oh my god. "I've reach a tipping point," says Nancy. "If you go to the police, if you continue to threaten me, I will kill you." Shane, always the killjoy, peeps, "Mom?" from behind Nancy. She whirls around and puts on her "Everything's totally normal" face and tells Shane to say hello to Celia. "You are a f*cking sociopath," says Celia. Takes one to know one, doll. Let's not forget that you subjected your wheelchair-bound ex-husband to some pretty horrific torture. "Thanks for stopping by!" says Nancy and gives Celia playful little spank on the butt. Ha! "Were you really going to kill her?" asks Shane. "She threatened Mommy," says Nancy. "Can't have that!" I guess.

Andy and Doug are in a parking lot discussing Sullivan's many injustices against Doug. "He promised me a golf club membership and then turned me around and f*cked me in the *ss like I was an altar boy," shouts Doug. "What grown man has blonde hair?" he continues. "I must claim what is rightfully mine. I must f*ck his sh*t up." Andy's like "Okay, whatever, I have stuff to do," and leaves Doug to his devices. The camera reveals that Doug is standing outside Absolute Truth Ministries, which boasts a humongous cross.

At Aguatecture, Heylia is chatting with the building owner. He casually drops the news that the fire department has to do an inspection tomorrow. "Tomorrow?" Heylia chokes. The owner chuckles and guesses that Heylia has some "illegals" working in the back. Uh, kinda. He assures her that everybody does, it's how business is now. "No, it's not that," she says. "We work with, uh, polymers and resins..." Yeah...BONG RESINS. The owner cheerily tells her to just box them up for a few hours. No biggie. After he leaves, Heylia goes to the back and breaks the news to Conrad and Silas that the inspection will be happening tomorrow. "We're all going to jail," she blurts. "What are we going to do?" asks Silas. "Don't ask me, I just work here," says Heylia. Ha!

Nancy gets a text message about the inspection and tells Shane that she has to leave. "You suck," says Shane. Nancy tells him that she'll make it up to him, that someday they'll go on vacations and whatnot. Ugh, this is all a little heartbreaking.

Andy is gathering Dean and his belongings, getting him ready for "therapy," much to Isabelle's dismay. Andy grabs a six pack and plops it in Dean's lap. "What kind of therapy requires beer?" asks Isabelle. "Uh, regression therapy," says Andy. "It takes him back to high school."

Conrad and Silas are busy packing the plants up into a truck and fretting over how long they have before they need to be back under their lights and shouting out what needs to happen to ensure that the plants survive. "I also need people he can help, not stand there slack-jawed arguing about who f*cked up," he says, staring directly at Heylia and Vaneeta who are leaning against the wall looking sour. They give Conrad the finger.

Andy pushes Dean into a basketball court where a game of murderball is taking place. Andy sells there pretty regularly...and also there's a girl there (sister of one of the players) who has been eyeing him. "You're using me to get laid?" asks Dean. Andy insists that this will benefit Dean, too, since he has the advantage of sensation below his waist. "These guys are all just heads on sacks of numb meat," he says. Nice. Andy pushes Dean into the game where he is immediately charged by a huge group of angry dudes in wheelchairs. Andy goes and sits down next to his target.

Celia is on the phone with the hospital explaining that she has no money to pay them. Nancy shows up but Celia says she's crazy if she thinks she's going to let her in. Nancy comes in anyway and Celia runs to the kitchen saying that she has knives, too. Nancy explains that she needs to rent Celia's empty house. Celia ponders this and says she can have her stuff out in a month. "No, I need it now as in RIGHT NOW," says Nancy and dumps a ton of money on the counter. Celia says that she can have this house, since it's still under some Sullivan/Majestic/fake corporation name, although this is confusing because I thought she had moved back to her house in Agrestic. In any case, Nancy goes to the door and tells everyone to start moving in. Conrad and Celia share a moment. Isabelle comes out to this odd scene and says, "What the hell?" "We're moving back to the old house," says Celia. "You need a more wholesome environment."

At murderball, things aren't going so well for Dean, who has been knocked onto the ground and watches helplessly as Andy continues to flirt. The girl gets up to leave and Andy whines, "No glass slipper?" The girl tells him to meet her later.

At Celia's house, Heylia and Vaneeta are moving stuff in. Vaneeta is wearing this really unflattering dress thing that looks like it's made out of a racerback sports bra on backwards. Hate it. Isabelle says hi to both of them and wishes them luck with their operation. Vaneeta recognizes Isabelle from the Huskeroo commercials and wonders if they beefed her up for them. Celia mutters that they didn't. Marvin (!) yells and Celia for being mean. Celia winks and says, "It's okay, I'm on YO side now!" Hahaha. Sanjay is following a very pregnant Clinique around. Clinique is trying to get rid of him but Sanjay blurts out, "Let's get married!" Oh my god, DO IT!

Sullivan wakes Doug up, who is still living out of his office. Sullivan is more than a little pissed about the fact that Doug apparently tore the cross down from the church. How, exactly? "You're f*cking with the wrong man," says Sullivan, and he breaks Doug's bong before leaving. Doug cleans off the papers and groans, "The taxes are going to smell like bongwater now."

Andy shows up at the murderball girl's house. Her dog, Ripper, comes out to greet him which makes Andy very nervous. "Please don't eat my remaining toes," he says. A big, scary dude comes out and starts to search Andy. "That's cool," Andy says. "I'm unarmed, pro-gun control." The dude takes Andy's bag and dumps it out, sneering at the bags of weed. He wants to know where Andy gets his stuff and Andy bluffs about some place in the hood. The dude pulls back a curtain to reveal a huge operation and tosses Andy a humongous bag of weed. "Why don't you let Ms. Botwin know that we're available, if she's interested," he says. He tells Andy that he can go, but that Denise will call him. Interesting set up.

At Celia's house, Conrad and Nancy are discussing some final details of the move. They can't move them back to the warehouse any time soon because the plants need to relax. Nancy asks how Silas is doing. Conrad says that he's gifted. "He's got a future if he decides to go this way." Nancy looks sad. It must be really weird to find your niche in something that just isn't really an option simply because the law doesn't want it to be. "Do you think I'm a bad person?" asks Nancy. "I don't think you're a bad person," says Conrad. Nancy thanks him. She gently touches his chest then pulls him toward her. They kiss then quickly undress and FINALLY do what they've been needing to do for three seasons. We are also treated to an extended shot of Conrad's butt...which is pretty nice.

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I was SO GLAD that Nancy and Conrad finally did the deed. It's been, like, three seasons of foreplay with those two!


PRETTY NICE?? I am STILL recovering from the glimpse of that gorgeous man's stellar ass.


OH my GOD. It's about damn time.


Did you notice Conrad's ass muscles?? Yum.

Suzy Q

It's a good thing you posted this recap, Kelly. Because the sight of Conrad's ass blurred everything else about this episode clean outta mah pretty lil' head.

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