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"Drillbit Taylor" Review


So the other day I got to thinking about what movie I would be 'reviewing' for the week. I say 'reviewing' - with airquotes of course - because it's more like watching a movie and then regurgitating what I saw with some superfluous commentary while trying to be witty about it. Faux wittiness seems to be my calling. Anyway, I was thinking and then I was distracted by a shiny object and then I thought some more and for the life of me the part of my brain that is responsible for recall blocked out the movie I had seen roughly 36 hours prior. Then it hit me that the reason my brain blocked this memory is because it wanted to protect me from atrocious film viewing. So my brain is off the hook because y'all: This movie SUCKED.

I have a giant spreadsheet of movies and their release dates. I generally know what I am going to be seeing well in advance so I have ample opportunity to get excited. This past week was what I like to refer to as a 'lull' week. As in nothing new really gripped me and all the old stuff I was rather blasé about lest I would have seen it earlier. When lull week hits then I have to choose between the lesser of two evils and this time I chose Drillbit Taylor and I really would have liked if someone took a drill bit to my skull.

Correct me if I am wrong but Drillbit Failure is Owen Wilson's first movie since his attempted suicide, right? Which would leave one to believe that he would come out swinging. He swung alright and hit a fly ball about 18 times and then was finally called out because there should be no more pain inflicted on the audience. Also one would imagine that a studio might want to make a memorable film that audiences would remember. I hated Vantage Point but at least I can still remember it and each and every crappy, seizure inducing car explosion scene. But the fact that I couldn't remember this damn movie speaks volumes. Like to it's awfulness.

Owen Wilson plays the title character hired by three dorky high school freshman who need protection from the world's biggest asshole of a bully. I know this is a movie but some of the shit that this kid pulls had me rolling my eyes and now I know exactly what the inside of my brain looks like. What the kids don't know about Drillbit is that he is homeless, living off the Santa Monica free way, and showering on the beach. He even gets change daily from the mother of the secondary bully. The kids also don't realize that Drillbit has a pact with his other homeless comrades about stealing the teens money and items from their homes. Eventually the kids catch on to his charade and there is the traditional climax scene where the kids fight the bully and Drillbit saves the day. And that is not a spoiler because you would have been able to sniff that one out 3,000 miles away.

The thing about the movie is that the premise is cute and kitschy and feel good family fun with a few choice words and situations thrown about. It is also written by Seth Rogen and produced by Judd Apatow which should practically guarantee the funny and yet it just isn't there. The idea was there in the minds of its creators but the execution was so off that I wanted to be executed like 15 minutes into it. I still have hope for the formidable Judd Apatow and hilarious Seth Rogen and I hope upon hope that Mr. Wilson's next film is a little better. I want to see him succeed and do well after what he went through not because of pity but because he has proven time and time again that he is an excellent comedic actor and I would hate to see a personal setback get him down.

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That's too bad. I was counting on the possible hilarity of Aptow/Rogen to help me through the lull. I think you might be right about it being the first one after the suicide attempt. I think the first one released after the attempt was Darjeeling Limited...but it was already made and I think he couldn't go promote it or something because of the attempt? I can't remember very well. For me it was all about the dustiness and the Adrian Brody goodness.

I'm sad that I probably won't go waste time at this one. Hopefully something fun will be out soon. I haven't gone since The Other Boleyn Girl opened and I feel that I'm jonesing for a movie, ya know? Any recommendations from that spreadsheet would be appreciated :)


A few upcoming movies from the spreadsheet o' love:

Stop Loss
Smart People
Street Kings
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

So IMDB them at your leisure. And I will write about them in the compelling prose that you all so look forward to.


damn. i really wanted this to be good. am i allowed to pretend i didn't read your review and go see it anyway? or possibly to read your review, expect it to suck balls, and then get excited when i see it and it only sucks, but not with the balls?



Go see it! Of course! I personally didn't like it but don't let me stop you. For the record, I don't read reviews before I see a movie. I just look up what is coming out, check out the actors and then go see it. So yeah, go enjoy. And you might like it but my point of view was that it wasn't the greatest movie ever but oh, did it have potential.


We saw this movie last week. Not because we get to see weekly movies...but because it was my husband's birthday and we actually had a babysitter and this was our only option.

Yeah, it wasn't that good. But it was light and airy and I think Owen's cute, and has good hair.

But dude, my husband hated it.


Yah know...I've never even heard of this movie. Apparently...for good reason then!

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