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Marion "Suge" Knight, I Dub Thee Sir Douchebag

Sugemug

You know what Suge? I have never liked you. You have always been a thug and a criminal, even though your label put out some of the best rap of the 90s. But this news makes me so livid I can't even call you by your nickname anymore, because that would mean I had even an ounce of respect for you. You are now either Marion "Douchebag" Knight, or Sir Douchebag. Take your pick.

You know, I'm pretty sure there's actually a harsher word for people like you. People who punch their girlfriends in the head, girlfriends half their size, and then pull them from their vehicle and proceed to hold them down with their twice-as-large bodies and beat said girlfriends mercilessly in front of a bunch of eyewitnesses. Monsters, maybe? Wastes of fucking human flesh? I dunno, the words, they fail me. The only dishonorific I can muster is Sir Douchebag. I open the floor for suggestions.

I'm sure drugs were involved in some way. After all, they found you with ecstasy and hydrocodone. But you know what? The only time I ever laid so much as a finger on anyone when I did ex? WAS TO HUG THEM. And of all the other drugs I've done (and I did a lot), not one time using ever gave me the overwhelming urge to beat the ever-loving shit out of anyone, even the douchiest of douchebags. You know why? Because I have a deep-rooted respect for my fellow human beings, which includes not physically hurting them, a virtue clearly lost on pieces of human waste like yourself.  While you may have been higher than Andy Dick on a typical Friday night, it wasn't just the drugs that made you an asshole who beats his girlfriend. That quality is something that doesn't go away when your urinalysis comes back clean.

So, Sir Douchebag Marion Knight, I sure hope while you're spending MORE time in jail, you get some fucking therapy and find out what it is that makes you think it's ever okay to hit someone half your size like that, in any situation. And, if not, perhaps someone in prison who's bigger than you will help you appreciate the experience of having someone twice your size hold you down and beat you relentlessly. One can hope.







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