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Kanye West, Dude, Here's a Word of Advice

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Kanye, Kanye, Kanye. Dude, I really do want to like you.  You are passionate, creative, confident, and influential.  I mean, you performed for Barack Obama, the United States' most awesome president.  You design shoes with Louis Vuitton. You are a lot of really good things, but, and I must say this again, duuuuuuude, you need to hire a serious PR rep and listen to that person like they are God, because that person would stop you from coming off as such a humongous douchebag when you have the urge to write a blog post that starts out like this:

YOOOO WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!!

You seem to have this idea that your supposed innate greatness is being constrained by others who spread lies about you or otherwise mock you, but you must know that it takes two to tango, and you repeatedly set yourself up as a really delicious target.

When I was in elementary school, there was this kid named Bradley who was kind of hyperactive and lacked the ability to read social situations, so he would fling himself at groups of people and let ridiculous sentences fall out of his mouth in an attempt to garner favour and/or sympathy.  I could tell that he was a pretty nice kid inside, but it was really hard not to make fun of him to his face, because he would bounce off anything we threw at him.  He was an awkward kid who was an awkward ball of awkward reactionary behaviour, and even though it was really pathetic, it was also really funny.

You behave like that kid, only you are a grown up man who puts yourself in the public eye.  You don't have to be that pathetic, attention-seeking dork, but you choose it again and again and again. I get that it sucks to have people spreading rumours that you are into doing bisexual porn and hacking into your e-mail account and just generally being ginormous assholes, but you are a hard target not to hit:

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   LET ME BE GREAT!!!    WHO HAVE I HURT SO BAD THAT THEY WANT TO DESTROY ME?

You haven't hurt them so bad that they want you destroyed.  We didn't want to destroy Bradley in elementary school, either. His and your reactions were and are just so damn hilarious.  The pleasure we take in your reactionary hi jinx doesn't make any of the things those assholes do right, and they should likely be prosecuted, but, man, you are still a fabulous trainwreck.  People are curious creatures, and you are a sure thing.

Get thee to a therapist, hire a handler, buy one of those inflatable punching clowns to take out your crazy on, smoke more pot, but, dude, get a hold of yourself and learn to play it cool.  That's why Christopher Walken continues to be so freaking awesome several decades into his career.  He is not driven to hamfistedly pound out childish tantrums on his computer keyboard.  He's so cool, he's kind of terrifying. Your behaviour does not have you slated to experience a similar career arc.

I do want to like you.  You design clothing and make albums and really put out a positive vibe (when you're not tantrumming publicly) and have the confidence of ten men, but, wow, can you ever wrap that stuff up in a douchebaggy package.







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Comments

Parsing Nonsense

I agree, his music is fairly tolerable for what it is and I think he's pretty funny but you're absolutely right that he makes it entirely too easy to poke fun at his expense.

Lala

Bradley sounds like he has Asperger's Syndrome......Just saying.......

schmutzie

I actually ended up dating Bradley years later. Maturation is a wonderful thing.

Sweetney

Among other things, you just PERFECTLY nailed something about Christopher Walken: "He's so cool, he's kind of terrifying." BINGO.

AbbyNormal

Bi porn. I knew it.

savia

It's true - I would never fuck with Walkin. Kanye, on the other hand, is just asking for it. I mean, look at that picture of him at the top of the post - Douche!

leah

i too would like for him to just shut up already.

even though, i can relate to him on many levels. i wanted to like him but have not been able to ever, not even for a minute.

tupac shakur was a little like this, less annoying (to me at least). perhaps less media coverage during his tenure. he was a brilliant writer, he could act, sing, dance, and be beautiful. sadly, his immaturity added to his demise.

Moo

My favorite part of his entry is definitely the close:

"A PICTURE SAYS A THOUSAND WORDS... LOOK HOW FRESH MY SUIT IS... NUFF SAID!"

Way to tie a douchey ribbon on top of an already douchetastic rant!

Erin

Ugh, he makes me SO MAD. Kanye has an amazing ability to make ME want to behave like a child in the throes of a temper tantrum. WTF happened to humility? He is so talented, why does he not want people to like him as a person? That is the only reason I can think of for him behaving the way he does. Keep pushing us away, Kanye, we know there is some deep-rooted psychological issue there, but guess what? We don't care!
I totally agree about Christopher Walken. Bad. Ass.

carmster

He probably never took media training like all the others do. At least we know MuchMoreMusic isn't conspiring against him since his autotune song with an admittedly cool video is at #1 today.

flutter

douche. bag.

ErinH

That is some excellent advice, Schmutzie. Is it too much to ask that he take it?
Yeah, I thought so.

FM

and that was one to grow on...

Katie Kat

I seriously just have NO patience for this guy. He's one of those ultra-talented, freakishly successful people who WHINE and MOAN and feel BEAT DOWN because they are so ABUSED by their celebrity. What-the-F***-ever!

Grow up already.




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