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When Jazz Hands Become Bad Hands: The Thriller Musical

Thriller25

Picture it, Broadway! You're failing. The economy is in the toilet, no one is coming to see Broadway shows because the prices are so outrageous that brilliant shows are closing by the handful every day. You need a pick-me-up, something that could never fail in a million years! A cash cow like no other!

Do you go to Stephen Sondheim? Andrew Lloyd Webber? A tried and true show that is ripe for a rejuvenation? NO! You go to...A video by Michael Jackson?

Bravo, Broadway. Take a freaking bow.

Thriller! The Musical! Exclamation points! Also, a hefty serving of WTF, because this is the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day. (And I only say "day" because we haven't heard if Speidi has had another photo-op in the last five minutes.)

Listen. We all thought it was awesome when that prison did the Thriller dance as a sort of maximum security performance art, right? Of course we did. And YouTube is LOADED with Thriller performances, but...But that's charming! Four minutes, tops, of a little nostalgia when you're supposed to be filling out your TPS reports. Not an entire Broadway musical. Please, anything but that.

The Nederlanders, who own nine theaters in the Broadway district, have bought the rights to the Thriller Musical, and defenders of this spectacular decision argue that it's the perfect story. And I quote:

I love the idea of making "Thriller" a musical. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy has a big secret, now what?

Well, for one thing, it's an entire musical based on one song. "But they're using music from the whole Thriller album! And "Off The Wall!" Yes, that's fine. Except none of those songs have anything to do with "Thriller." So what we're talking about is an entire show of Michael Jackson songs that have nothing to do with each other, culminating in a bunch of chorus boys and girls in zombie makeup?

I saw a piece about this story on a New York news station last night and the reporter got the giggles. There's already an "official joke thread." There are no plans to actually PRODUCE the show yet, and it's already a comedy sensation. Unless it becomes a cult classic, this is going to be a trainwreck like no other.

Listen. I'm through trying to talk about this in a diplomatic way. It's a MUSICAL based on THRILLER by Michael "Wackadoo" JACKSON! I'm not even going to touch (ew) Michael's non-musical troubles, because let's face it, there's enough comedy right here.

Who's going to play Michael? Are they going to get a girl, like they did for Peter Pan? Are they going to set it in the early 80s? Because, okay, THAT would be awesome. Will the Vincent Price character get an onstage soliloquy with interpretive dance? Will there be a zombie chorus line? How will they do the transformation so people won't soil themselves laughing like they did in the Broadway version of "Jekyll and Hyde?" So many questions!!!

But my biggest question is this. If we're going to make some musicals based on songs, can we please do THIS instead?

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Comments

baltimoregal

If they do one on Thriller, what's next? American Pie? Leader of the Pack? GAG.

Liana

I would TOTALLY watch if "the Vincent Price character get an onstage soliloquy with interpretive dance" and it was set in the '80s. But only then.

FM

If Michael makes a cameo appearance in it - he won't need an zombie make-up.. *cymbal crash*

Erin

I can't imagine this musical being in any way a good thing. Not for MJ, not for the song, not for either of their ratings, just a bad idea all around. Lets find a way to stop this...

Dana

BaltimoreGal- my high school did "Leader of the Pack" as our spring musical during my junior year!

One of the reasons my husband hated "Mamma Mia" was the silliness involved with creating a story for the purpose of using all those ABBA songs. Doing the same with Michael Jackson songs is even more peculiar.




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