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He Might Not Be That Into Me, But I Am Not Into This Effing Movie


At a recent luncheon with some other single girl friends, the topic of getting together to see He's Just Not That Into You came up in discussion. As my lunch mates made plans to get together to see the movie, I sat, enraged, and dreamed the sweet dream of throwing lit matches at people. Specifically, the people who came up with yet another movie that makes women look like desperate fools who need a simple catchphrase to keep them in line, lest their foolishness go public.

Film critics have agreed with me, (not about the throwing lit matches part, but I'll look beyond that), and "HJNTIY" has been panned as yet another simplistic, cliche-ridden movie that makes women look like idiots who will do anything to get a man. And I have had enough.

2008 was called by some the "Return Of Women" to film. Not in thoughtful, well-plotted films, though. Movies like Sex And The City and Mamma Mia were referenced as the triumphant return of women. Do we really want the "return of women" to be rife with weak-willed characters who are only focused on men? Are women so compliant that we need the cliche of "woman wants man, woman chases man, man finally accepts woman" to redefine love? Do we really want movies that focus on women to be dismissed as "chick flicks?" Hollywood seems to think so.

Before you go patting my non-man-having head in pity, believe me, this is not a thinly veiled attempt to whine about being single. I am honestly sick of women being portrayed as nothing but vessels whose only option for a full life is to bend over backwards for a man who might NOT be "all that into her" until he finally acquiesces. What ever happened to relationships being portrayed as they should be? A 50/50 partnership of mutual trust and love? That's a love I want to believe in, and all other people; men, women, gay, straight, young and old should believe in.

See, I saw you roll your eyes there. Where's the fun in that? Clearly the female of the species must hunt the elusive male until he gives up and has an epiphany that he loved her all the time! That's the best kind of story, right? But what of the message this is sending out?

It sends the message that "real love" is not just worth fighting for (it is) but that a fight is to be expected, not from outside forces that may keep the two partners apart, but from each other. Movies like "He's Just Not That Into You" tell women that they are to be pitied, that all they do is pursue blindly, and grasp onto whatever shred of attention or affection they can squeeze out of the man they are pursuing. It's a lousy message, a dangerous one, and I'll be damned if I want young women and girls seeing this as the norm.

He might not be that into me, but all that means is that he wasn't worth it to begin with. And maybe if He's Just Not That Into You was instead entitled You're Just Not Worthy Of Him it wouldn't be billed as a comedy, but a tragedy regarding the self-esteem issues women have due to Hollywood's treatment of them.

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I don't understand how they made a movie of this book. Isn't this book just telling women he's not into you? How is there a story there?

Mr Lady


I saw the ads for it, and honestly, I was totally shocked. I thought that book was a non-fiction, self helpy sort of thing.

They have really run out of ideas, huh? Whatever, we can not watch it together.


Wow, I totally disagree! I see your point(s) but I also read the book and went away from it (it's comedy not self-help) thinking it was an extremely positive message to women. Clearly, that might have just been me. I plan on seeing the movie though and I expect it wont be nearly as funny as the book.


Sing it, sister! This movie and its ilk make me barf in my mouth.


Ugh, exactly Miss Banshee. Exactly. I have no interest in either this book or this movie. I don't care if he's not that into me. I'm not interested in changing myself to get him nor am i interested in chasing him. The message that persists, whether intended or not, is that women aren't good enough as is, they need to adjust to what the man wants.

I also can't figure out how they got a movie out of this book (which a friend sent me and is currently propping up a lamp, unread).


But it's NOT saying that women should chase OR change to obtain a boyfriend, it's saying we should be with guys (it IS heterosexist, that is for sure) that are good to us, not guys that give us half what we deserve. It's theme, albeit simplistic, is very woman-centered and not at all "here's how to land a man" nonsense. Really, this is not the point of the book, at least, whatsoever.


"He might not be that into me, but all that means is that he wasn't worth it to begin with."

Have you read the book? I haven't seen the movie but that quote is EXACTLY the point of the book...

That said, I'm not sure how the movie will work because the "advice" in the book was pretty much "dump him immediately and find someone awesome and worthy of you, because you rock."


Was a prerequisite to being cast in the movie that your name has to be Jennifer? Just sayin'...everyone in that picture is named Jennifer.


I immeadiently was turned off from the previews where the guy says he's a Witch/Wican and that's supposed to be an automatic turn off and shut down. If he said he was a Jew would the same result been acceptable? How about a blind date and he turned out to be black? I'm sick and tired of "acceptable" and "funny" bigotry. Regardless if it's homophobia, racism, and yes religo-bigotry, a bigot is a bigot period! That's the automatic TURN OFF. I thought we were supposed to have religious freedom in America? Or does that only apply to the Christian "religious" fools who push bigotry and hate? I'm a Witch, a Kemetian (Egyptian religious tradition) Witch, if someone can't handle that they are sub-human vermin bigot scum and THEY should be shuned and the worthless piece of dog shit they are, period. Maybe I should screen out all Christians like some of them do us, as per the movie? No, my hypocrisy isn't that big and I can't bring myself to lower myself to their bigot "standards".


AMEN! I'm REALLY good at dumping guys, so I never had this particular problem and I hope the movie can bring home the "how to dump people who aren't that into you" portion - that this goes for everyone in your life, not just the men. Don't spend time on those who don't deserve it!


I gotta go with the ladies who disagree here. I've read nearly all of the book, and have discussed it with other intelligent young women, and none of us have come to the conclusion that you have.

Have you read it? It doesn't seem like you have. This is a really well put together rant, (and I LOVE a good rant, believe me,) except that it sounds more like you have a problem with "chick flicks" in general than this particular movie.

If I'm wrong, please do correct me. But if I'm right, you'd be doing yourself and all of your readers a better service by at least being familiar with the nuts and bolts of the specific thing you're railing against.


PS All that said, I haven't seen the movie. It's entirely possible that they wrenched the story around to fit a sappy, obnoxious mold. But from what I've read of the book so far (which is most of it), at least in its original form it sends a perfectly good and empowering message.


Another hand raised in disagreement here. The book is exactly about being too complete to waste time on someone who isn't into you, because that's their problem, not yours. Am seeing the movie this weekend and will be disappointed if it turns out like you fear, but also surprised given the message of the book.


Jodi - What you just described is essentially the message of the book. He's not returning your calls? DUMP HIM. He's not meeting your needs? DUMP HIM. Don't chase after losers, and don't waste your time beating yourself up or second-guessing yourself.

Maybe it's the title of the book that is throwing some people off. Read it, really. It's not at all what is being addressed here.

To add, I want to say I do agree with this perfectly well-written rant, just not as it applies to this book. (The movie obviously remains to be seen, so you may be right about that yet!)

Shawn Marie

I had a friend who was obsessed with this book, so I read it. I'm sorry, but it was terrible. The advice was along the lines of "if he is married, he's not that into you. If he only calls drunk on saturday nights, he's not that into you." Are women really so desperate that we need such pathetic advice? No!


I don't know if your point applies to this particular movie but boy do I agree with you. I get so mad when movies dish out stuff like "you complete me" or "I can't breathe without him" because sometimes, being alone is way better than being with a man. (And I've been married 8 years, ha!)


Is it wrong that the Witch getting offended made me laugh?


" Is it wrong that the Witch getting offended made me laugh?"~ Posted by: baltimoregal

Only if the fact that this proves your a stone cold bigot makes me laugh. So how do you feel about ni6ers and wettbacks bigot? Bigot piece of shit, anti-American scumbag, go craw back under your rock, there are more of us ever day and less and less of you knuckle-dragging savages. And we not take your bullshit ay longer! If you want a war we will give you the Hell you diserve and are begging for FREAK!


I think it is hilarious that they are billing it as a "date" movie? Might it be a wee bit uncomfortable to sit through this with a date?

Snarky Amber

Whoa whoa. Let's please all be respectful here. The ad hominem attacks have got to stop.


Whoa, whoa, Jen, chill out. I'm not defending anyone on here, or the movie, but I truly believe that your rant back to BaltimoreGal was unnecessary.

I have plenty of friends from college of the Pagan/Wiccan faith. I know how many people practice it, and I know that it is the right Way for many.

Maybe the movie goes more into the Wiccan character on Jen's date than the preview allows. Maybe he says something completely off from what they truly believe, and that's why she freaks out. Maybe her character had a bad experience with one, hence her nervousness. Maybe it does none of those things and just uses Pagans as the butt of another joke.

However, I think BaltimoreGal was only trying to be amusing and was NOT putting you down directly. (She at least capitalized "Witch" in her comment, something very few people make note of.) Amusing because there isn't a lot of Pagans that many people are exposed to, so it may have been a "whoa, that's ironic" moment.

However she meant it, you jumping on her case like that, on the other hand, does nothing but foster anger, defensiveness, fear and hate - often the same things you are trying to combat.

Think about it.

Suzy Q

Wow, someone needs a gumball.


Thank you Darcey! I did capitalize Witch on purpose. I have no problem with people having different faiths, or even no faith. And, I didn't write the joke, or think it was particularly funny in the commercial. But the amount of vitrol in the comments over one non-essential part of the movie seemed funny to me and yes, a bit ironic.

I know who I am and if Jen wants to call me a bigot she is more than welcome to, but she is definitely barking up the wrong tree there. And I'll just leave it at that.

Love and kisses to the world!


I have to agree with Jen, I see nothing humorous about bigotry of any sort. So is it wrong to laugh at a wrongfully oppressed minority being further made fun of and belittled? Why not ask African-Americans about black-face or homosexuals about fag jokes and Matthew Shepard. So in two words, NOT right.

It's truly a damn shame this sort of middle-eastern, middle/dark ages sort of mentality still exists in a supposedly civilized and "tolerant" nation. And yes it's about as American as Stalin. Where is the acceptance of other cultures, beliefs, and traditions? That's the real (bad) joke.

As for a war, it's already here, just being waged subtilty. Every time Xians illegally use the "law" to force their TRULY laughable insantys like Creationism, or abstaince-only sex ed in public institutions, it's yet another volley in the war they begun 2 millenniums ago.

They demand every special privlilage yet deny others the most basic of human rights and dignity, but were supposed to find this all somehow not only acceptable but funny on top of it? Don't make me laugh with your hypocrisy.
Reverend Setnakt, SoT/SoA

Founder and Co-CEC Siaion Temple groups.

Miss Banshee

Guys? We are veering WAY off topic here. Let's all be respectful and stay off any and all personal attacks, okay? Thanks!


Um...not to go ruin all of the fun and go back to the original topic, but...

As a big fan of the book (and I HATE the concept of self-help books, as a therapist, I think they just make people feel worse because you can't DIY), I am going to see the movie. Now it's totally possible that this movie will be as similar to the book as Wicked the Musical was to Maguire's novel. If that's the case, then it's totally appropriate to toss this on the "This pop culture BS is giving us women a bad rap" pile. However, even if you don't care for the movie, I will say that the book saved (and saves) my ass on the dark, crappy post-relationship days. It's all about recognizing self-worth and refusing to settle for the D-B who doesn't call you back. SO...don't judge the book by it's crappy Hollywood version. :)

And, if the movie is as terrible as you're saying it is, then at least I'll be there with my girlfriends and we can go have therapeutic cocktails and complain about the current portrayal of women in film

fake name

I did NOT read the book, so i have a general sort-of informed opinion. i relate to the FEELING of the article. i had a closer reaction when the sex and the city movie came out. i liked the show in the sense that i can apprecaite how over-the-top and ridiculous it is? but the fact that the plots/ stories/ even their personalities as protrayed center on thier relationships with men. and they are just slightly sterotypcial, don't ya think?- the slut, the prude, the cold career woman, the hopeless romantic. thier endless quest for expensive shoes does not even need a comment.but to be perfectly honest i have little, if any problem with what gets shown in movies and on tv. i think it matters, but i also think other things matter more. to me- it is sader to see girls turn agaisnt each other and saddest to see them turn on themselves. there really are still girls out there who think they are worhtless if someman does not sweep them off thier feet and put a rock on their finger before they are 30. this statement fits more of the girls i went to high school with then it doesn't. "he's not that into you?" who cares! are you REALLy that into him??

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