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Hayek Hocks a Boobie, Four Million Straight Men Regress and Throw Temper Tantrums

Salma_hayek

Authored by super special guest contributor and honorary MamaPop Betch, Jennifer of Breed Em' And Weep

I'm sure Spike.com is buttercreaming itself over so-called "butterbody" Salma Hayek using her yummy mothery bosom to breastfeed a hungry African baby in Sierra Leone. To refresh and revolt your memory, Spike.com went on the record recently with this gem:

“Salma Hayek has a beer gut, which she tries to hide by wearing flowing dresses. She fools no one with this trickery. This lady is fat. It’s like she’s carrying a spare car tire around her mid-section. Her only saving grace is her magnificent breasts.”

"Her only saving grace"? Yeah, Spike, those magnificent boobies were a saving grace when Hayek made the decision this past week to breastfeed a sick, hungry child whose own mother could not produce milk. Sure, one time. Sure, on camera. I'll give you that. But Hayek is still breastfeeding her own one-year-old daughter, and upon hearing the baby cry, Hayek's milk let down. With the permission of the child's mama, she took the child into her lap, pulled out one of her famous "saving graces," and he began to nurse hungrily. The video has gone more viral than Ebola, with folks all over the globe weighing in. What's that? You want to say something too? No sweat. Allow me to put up my bulletproof Boobie Police shield. Okay. Get it out of your system.

Disgusting! Beautiful! Filthy! Kind! Publicity stunt! Lactating slut! Angelina wannabe! Sexy saint! Wonder woman! La Leche Lusciousness!

Yes, our psycho country has a lurve-em-hate-em relationship with breasts. A lot of folks would prefer not to think about them put to use in any way other than bouncing merrily all over a grunting, slobbering dude's face. In other parts of the world, it's less of an issue, nursing another mother's child. When I was nursing, I lucked out, and was producing enough milk to fill up 2-liter bottles and mail them to Romanian orphanages. (They didn't want them.) But in medieval Europe, I would have been one rockin' wet nurse.

I am not immune to the aesthetics of ta-tas. I too have dreams of slobbering into the bazoombas of the likes of Jessica Simpson, Scarlet Johannsson, and my homegirl Kate Winslet (who dreams of slobbering into my supersized torso chandeliers, ask her). But it's a sad day when our idiotic celeb-centric culture forgets that boobies have a bigger purpose than, well, being big.

And Spike, you sad, sorry, dumb-ass, for the record? Magnificent boobies (of the organic variety) are most often found on the delectably curvy gals. What a dilemma, eh? So jam a toothpick into your gums, hard, and enjoy all that delicious thinness while you pat a pillow. Or just stick your hand down your pants. BOO-YAH!

And I say, groove on, Salma. You done good for one little guy, in one little moment, and that's that. Stay curvy, stay kind, stay brave. And definitely keep that "beer gut." Because if you're showing up on Spike.com radar, on their "fat" list? You're doing something right. Real right.

Over and out from a breeder, a weeper and a Mamapop cheeper.

. . . . .

Visit Jennifer at Breed Em' And Weep 







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Comments

Hilary

I absolutely agree with you- our culture's bizarre (times ten) relationship with breasts is scary and ditto on Salma Hayek's "fat list" status- rock on.

Erin

Jenn posting at Mamapop? Just when I didn't think this site could get any better, I see Jenn's post. Yay! Please stay, Jenn!

AmyC65

I read an interview where she said it was actually in November, for a 20/20 piece. She was in the process of weaning her baby but still had milk. Her grandmother did the same thing for someone, once, I think it said? I think it's cool. That she's got a rockin' rack but she knows what it's for and she's not afraid to use it to help someone. The baby's mom couldn't nurse. It's not as if Selma just thought it would be cool to offer the baby a change of pace.

AmyC65

Sorry, shouldn't have said "she knows what it's for" as if our breasts are only good for one purpose. For the record - I have huge boobies but didn't succeed much at nursing. Twice. No breast/bottle judgement implied.

michele

spike= terrible.

also, i say bravo to salma for doing that for a little boy. not too many people would, no matter how sincere they efforts to help are. she provided something meaningful to that boy which is way more than just a photo-op and lip services does. who cares if it is on film?
thanks for reminding us what breasts were intended for in the first place before we sexualized everything.

Holmes

Oh Spike, Maxim, and similar ilk...why must you make us menfolk look bad?

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to scroll up and check out the saving graces some more.

Morgan

I love breastfeeding. I liked doing it, I like seeing other women do it, I think it’s Important and Good. I even tried to nurse a friend’s son when I was sitting for him and he was distraught…it didn’t work. I was all, “Here’s a boob!” And he was all, “Thank you, thank you, yum, yum.” But then he was all, “This tastes WEIRD!!! BAAHHHH!!!!!!!”

But even I thought Salma Hayek nursing a baby in Sierra Leone in front of cameras was a little suspect. Then I started thinking about it. What if Salma Hayek was in Sierra Leone, in front of cameras, with a bag of lovingly prepared sandwiches? And what if a five year old was crying from hunger? And what if Salma Hayek did not give the poor malnourished child a sandwich??? Because she had made the sandwiches for her own, healthy daughter???? Would we all say, “Oh good for Salama Hayek for not giving into a potential publicity stunt!” No, we would say, “What a greedy, selfish bitch!” Unless the sandwich was peanut butter, because peanut butter is Evil and Kills Children.

emmak

I am all for women breastfeeding anywhere they like but surely Salma would have been better off donating money to this cause than publicity stunting her nipple into this baby's mouth?

RobynG

EmmaK - it seems maybe you're not actually "for women breastfeeding anywhere they like". Donating to a cause (which maybe she's also doing, btw) would have been better than doing something in the moment? She should have walked away from a hungry child that she had the immediate power to help because somebody might misconstrue it?

On second thought, you're right. I guess she could have just handed the kid a $5.

RobynG

Sorry for the double post, but I'd also like to add this:

My first reaction was not to look at this as a publicity stunt. Sure, I believe charity-based celeb publicity stunts are common, but I doubt that Salma said, "Somebody find me a kid I can breastfeed!".

That said - if, in that current moment, she followed her instincts to feed a hungry child while also realizing this could get attention, I don't really have a problem with that. The way I see it, both hungry children AND breastfeeding rights are worthy topics to bring to the public's attention.

But even if one doesn't like the attention aspects of it, I stick by my original assertion that she did what was necessary and right for that child, and that mother.

kdiddy

It's marginally possible that Salma saw an opportunity for a "stunt," but honestly I would have done the same thing. My milk used to let down for any crying baby and I can't imagine being able to fight the urge to help those particular cries of hunger.

Fairly Odd Mother

First, yay to see Jenn on MamaPop!

I'm in awe of Salma Hayek for breastfeeding this child---what she did was a kind and lovely act.

Jen

This Jen (me) agrees with that Jenn, which was my mother's name also, though it was someone else. Anywho, I've never had kids or breastfed any, but will do the latter when I do the former and think what Salma did was very cool. And she is no where near "fat" if she is so was Ms. Monroe back in the 50's and me today since were all about the same figure. Not sticks, real women. My guy is into feet anyhow, so I can save my boobs for the kids someday. And the adult men kids will get a shoe on the foot to their "saving grace" if I ever hear crap like from "spike". Which stands for what anyway? Not Spke Lee for damn sure! Must stand for, reading it is worse than a spike to the head.

Barbara

Baby is hungry and baby got fed. That is all I need to know. I don't care if Selma was being a publicity whore or not. A hungry baby was fed. Hurray!

breedemandweep

Don't mean to say that all boobies should nurse. If it works and the woman's happy about it, great. If not, great. Choice is all, babycakes...er, boobiecakes. Happy mama, happy baby.

As for me, I'm going to have a bagel.




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