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Why Toy Fair Is Evil


Okay, so I can't actually prove that Toy Fair - the annual exposition of demon paraphernalia toys that will be unleashed upon your unsuspecting children released to stores in the upcoming year - is one of the seven circles of hell, but I have my suspicions.

I mean, seriously: this could only come from the bowels of hell, right? RIGHT? >>>>

ELMO TICKLE HANDS. So that you can tickle - or be tickled - with giant red furry paw-hands that emit that terrible Elmo shriek. Which seriously: is there anything more terrifying?

Why, yes, since you asked: the one thing that is more terrifying than Elmo Tickle Hands is Elmo Tickle Hands with Dance Groove setting. So that you - or your tormentor - can do a psychotic little dance before unleashing a terrifying furrvert tickle assault.

I'm thinking that these must come from the fourth or fifth circles of Hell - at least - which means that Toy Fair is either Hell itself or - at best - its gates. Which, either way: NOT GOOD.

Where are all those inappropriately mature dolls - Bratz? Strawberry Shortcake? - when you need them? I'm thinking that those are marginally less terrifying. Less amenable to assault - or disturbing self-abuse - in any case.

GAH. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.


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The Queen of Hyperbole

Furry tickle hands? Surely, provided the shriek setting can be disabled, these are destined to find their way into some lonely person's bedside drawer.


That is FREAKY! And I thought the Barbie heads you can preen were weird.


Tickle hands?! Gah. Sadly, my daughter would probably LOVE this. She has this whole thing about how mommy has a "tickle hand" and a "nice hand" and if I try to tickle her with the "nice hand" she gets all righteously indignant and tells me, "No, mommy! That's not the tickle hand, THAT is the NICE hand!" Two-and-a-half is the best age yet.

I now realize this did not require a 12-page personal anecdote, but damn it I typed it (one-handed! uphill both ways!) so 'Post' it is.

Jennifer A

Creepy, but may be the perfect gift for a couple kids I know who are obsessed with Elmo.
Look how well Elmo Live has done, I think these will be in the clearance section before too long.


Once it was a Tickle Me Elmo, now it's a Tickle You Elmo. Elmo has gone from first- to second-person tickling. Can a third-person omniscient tickling Elmo doll be far behind? Tickle All Elmo.


That is seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously wrong. Wrongity wrongly wrong wrongosity.


completely creepy.

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