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Taming Your Topiary

TopiaryEvery once in a while, a commercial comes along that renders me speechless and unable to think and I find myself going through a diagnostic, troubleshooting procedure with my brain. Am I offended? I don't think so. Am I amused? Kind of (?). Am I going to buy this product? No, but there was never any danger of that. What exactly do I think of this commercial? I may never be sure.

Such was the case this weekend. I was watching VH1, which I don't often do, but they were showing Black to the Future, which features some of my favorite comedians and pop culture experts. Since I don't watch VH1 that much, I don't often get to see commercials for their demographic. But, man, was I in for a treat, especially when this gem for the Schick Quattro Trimstyle for Women came on my screen:

At first, I didn't catch what was going on, which now makes me feel a little dense...the topiaries tidying up and/or transforming into shapes evocative of landing strips and inverted pyramids. But when the product came on, the message was clear:

You are a woman. Therefore, you have pubic hair, commonly known as a "bush." Take care of your bush! Trim your bush! Shape your bush! Shave your bush! For the love of god, make your bush symmetrical! That random hair inching toward your thigh freaks me out!

Georgewbush Like I said, I'm not particularly offended by the commercial and I guess the innuendo is clever. I'm honestly just really surprised that it made it on the air. Though I guess I did see it on the channel that broadcasts Rock of Love and perhaps the meticulously pruned shrubbery is an issue that directly affects its viewers.

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Suzy Q

This commercial is kind of hilarious, and I'm suprised it got by the censors. Which tells you something about the cluelessness of FCC censors.

Why bother being offended by it if you can find the humor in it? This was a breath of fresh air in an all-too-anxious-PC world.

Operation Pink Herring

It took me about five viewings before I actually figured this commercial out. When I finally did, it was just like... Huh? WHAT?! Eeew. WTF?

Half offended, half dumbfounded, half grossed out. (Don't do that math)


wow. just wow. sometimes you have to revel in vhi viewship.


"Like I said, I'm particularly offended by the commercial and I guess the innuendo is clever."

I think you forgot a rather important "not" there :)


I must not have been paying attention because I totally missed it! Maybe that's how they got it through.

At least they don't show a tree entirely stripped of its leaves and looking like a prepubescent girl! Gives me a little hope that maybe that trend is behind us.


Hey, the new Britney song (If You Seek Amy) is on the radio all the time, is it really that far a leap to this ad? At least this ad is subtle - Amy, not so subtle. I actually had to drive 10 minutes out of my way the first time I heard If You Seek Amy on the radio because I missed the exit, because I was COMPLETELY blown away that it actually made it onto the radio. I had to call my husband and leave a message on his voice mail, completely laughing myself silly.

So, yeah, shaved shrubbery is nothing!


And now I can never watch Edward Scissorhands ever again, thank you very much.


Um, wow! They are pushing things lately. My husband and I saw this commercial today and we both looked at each other in shock



I knew before I even clicked the More link what commercial you were talking about, because I just drafted a post that included a mention of it. It was on this morning at 8:00 AM on TBS. Fortunately my 10 year old son, who was watching TV with me, had no idea what was going on.

Because I really did not want to have to explain the double entendre, what the slang term "bush" refers to.

Tracy H

Ha! I probably saw that commercial 5 times over the weekend and didn't get it until now! Observant much!? I guess I'm in the minority because I actually thought about buying the razor.....I like to be trim down there. Does that make me subservient or a bimbo because I don't want a jungle down there? I certainly don't think so! I am a 36 yr. old, happily married, mom of 2 who trims it up, nothing wrong with that! Maybe the commercial pushes the limits, but I am certainly not offended by a product that will make my life easier and more pleasurable!

Snarky Amber

I just wanted to say that, because I spend most Friday nights at home like a loser now, I friggin LOVE Black to the Future. I watched for hours last Friday and saw the ad in question several times as well. I got it immediately, but that's because my deductive reasoning process follows something similar to Occam's razor (heh. razor), except that instead of the simplest conclusion being the most likely, for me it's the most immature, snicker-worthy conclusion that is the most apparent.


I'm kind of happy people are doing this. I don't think it's yelling at me to tame my bush, I think it's just saying "Hey you! Do you trim your bush? Been using those disposable razors, huh? With the burning? Try this product that maybe won't give you terrible razor burn. And also maybe forego the whole brazilian wax thing where you spread 'em for a stranger. DIY!"

There are bush trimmin' ladies out there who will buy this because it's an alternative to getting pubes all up in your dude's razor. Also, I would take this over a commercial that advertises a lady parts specific product without actually having a woman in a bathroom all glowy in a white bathrobe and towel on her head trying to talk to me about "feeling free and smooth."


replace "without actually" with "By using." I am a comment editing crazy, hooray.


Yeah, I have to agree that I don't think it's all that big a deal to advertise a razor that may help women feel more comfortable with tidying their topiary up at home. By no means do I think that every woman must be compelled to do so. Its a personal choice, of course. Personally? I am a fan of paying someone else to do the waxing -- I teach dance in revealing enough clothing that I don't want to worry about a stray peeking over the edge of my short-shorts, a-thank you.


Man, I love that Quizno's spot... I was shocked, too... that it got past the censors. LULZ!

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