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Oh My Holy Gawd. Spedi Baby Plans: "We Want Four Spencer Pratts!"

Speidi_baby All I can do is think of the infamous scene in Aliens when the lil' alien bursts forth from John Hurt's stomach. The look on Veronica Cartwright's face as she was showered with blood was authentic - the actress had no idea that was going to happen. Her horror was real.

And the thought of Spencer Pratt fathering children has the same effect on me. I had not previously thought of such a heinous thing, as I enjoy keeping the contents of my stomach to myself, thank you, but now freaking Heidi's sister in law has opened her geedee yap in US Weekly, and the unsuspecting public has to think of the unrelenting horror that would be a Spedi...urp...BROOD.

Happy place, happy place, I'm thinking of my happy place...

"But Miss Banshee!" you crow, "A child being brought into the world! It's a miracle! It's a beautiful thing that should be met with elation!" Well, to that I simply say:

No.

No, I shan't think of a Pratt demon spawn being unleashed upon the world as a beautiful, miraculous thing. My immediate thought would be that a protest sign would appear super-imposed on Heidi's belly that said "HELL NO, I WON'T GO" and a tiny middle finger being raised as the first sign of birth. This is nothing to bring an innocent child into. And it gets worse!!!!! Here's the nauseating quote, and I swear I'm not making this up:

"Heidi wants four boys," new sister-in-law Stephanie Pratt told Usmagazine.com at the grand opening of Catch Boutique in L.A. Thursday. "Four Spencer Pratts!"

Oh. Were you eating? I'm so sorry.

OOH! I have another idea! What about that scene from V when the alien busts out of the pregnant woman all green and shit! THAT could totes happen! OR! OR!!!!! DAMIEN. Check that scalp for three sixes and beware of overenthusiastic nannies, Speidi!!!!

Oh fine, perhaps I'm being a bit overdramatic. But if those kids (plural, lawd help us all,) all end up with prehensile tails and flesh-colored facial hair at birth? Don't say I didn't warn y'all.

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Comments

AmyH

I think I read that Heidi didn't want kids for at least 10 years so I am just counting on them not being married anymore. No chance of the Spawn of Spencer at that point. (at least not from Heidi)

No way those two are still married in ten years. NO. WAY.

baltimoregal

That's my feeling about the whole thing, pretty much.

Liana

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Barbara

I personally think the two of them are a match. Equally annoying, narcissistic and vapid. They will last because they LOVE drama, and marriage has its drama fo sho. I think once their kid turns five he'll sue to be emancipated and prolly win. The end.




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