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Twilight: The Religion

Cullenism_cullens_twilight We all love Edward Cullen. How could you not? In the Twilight series Stephanie Meyer describes him as the perfect man. Repeatedly. And while yes, I would want him to be my boyfriend (if I were a teenage vampire anyway) I am not so sure I will take him as my messiah.

I wish I was making this up, but I am not. Meet the new religion: Cullenism.

Yes, I said religion.

What does a Cullenist believe in? I am so glad you asked.

1) Edward and the rest of the Twilight characters are real.
2) Stephenie Meyer is the (or one of the) best author(s).
3) The twilight series should be worshiped.
4) If you are good in life, you will be blessed with eternity with the Cullens, if you are bad in life, you will be sent to James’ cave.

For real people.

Now, let me briefly break this down.

Rule 1. Okay, I am familiar with the suspension of disbelief, but this is ridiculous.

Rule 2. Can you make that part of your religion? You have to believe that Meyer is one of the best authors? Are there any rules about who else you can like? Does it have to be Anne Rice or is this more of a J.K. Rowling crowd? Plus, as a practicing member of the Church of Latter Day Saints wouldn't this actually offend Stephanie Meyer?

Rule 3: With an altar? Must I genuflect? Is it okay to worship the paperback version? I read Breaking Dawn on my iPhone. I already worship that thing. Is that close enough?

Rule 4. Okay, but if being bad in life gets me in a cave with this guy

James_twilight

I don't want to be good.

In fact, if I convert right now and then go knock over a 7-11 or some shit can he meet me in the cave later tonight?

[source]

[omec]







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Comments

ljpock

AMEN to #4!

urbanvox

LOL!!!!
I am sooo sending this post to my wife! LOL

ajnabi

"James" has the added advantage of looking like a grown-up, instead of a really pale boychild who's not quite legal, which makes me feel all kinds of less pervy. Bring on the cave.

Ashlie- Mommycosm

I think there will be a lot of realllllly bad mommies if Rule #4 is enforced. I mean, seriously!? Bad ass killer vampire or not, the guy is HOT. This might be a religion I could buy into - lol.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Just this morning I told someone that my favorite author was Chuck Palahniuk
thereby breaking commandment #2.

Bring on the cave!

robyn

Eh. Doesn't sound much different than any other religion, to me.

And yeah, I'd be ok with the cave.

Molly

I sometimes think that the Twilight books read like fan fiction of themselves. For that reason I prolly won't be joining the church, that and I'm not really down with joining any church, but if I were going to spend eternity in a cave with anyone, I think it'd have to be Jacob.

That is a religion I could roll with.

Kerri Anne

This is beyond hilarious. And not just because James' Cave sounds like a beach-side restaurant I want to visit. Where in the first book did it say James even lived in a cave?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

If I ever open a bar I am totally calling it that.

Angela

LOL. But at least we finally have a religion that's win win!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

That is it. I am joining.




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