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Gossip, Ghostwriters, Handwriting Experts & Microsoft Paint Spooge Dots

Perez-hilton ...oh my!

A long time ago, I will cop to a pretty bad Perez Hilton habit. It was never a habit I was proud of. I think I'd be more likely to frame a certificate for completing a how-to course at the local meth lab. The site is ugly, cruel, stupid -- both the commentary and the commenters will suck entire IQ points out of your brain and into your USB port (FACT!) -- and it's mostly an endless rehash of news one can easily get anywhere else...but lemme hit refresh onnnnnne last time before walking away OMG LOOK WHAT BRITNEY IS UP TO NOW. DAMN GIRL GET YO'SELF TOGETHA!

Finally, one day, I stopped going to the site. Cold turkey. It felt good. Probably something akin to one of those master cleanse detox things that people get all fucking smug about. 

And yet, you gotta hand it to Perez. Dude knows branding and self-promotion. He's probably more of a bona fide celebrity now than any of the people from "Dancing With the Stars" and "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" combined. He's on TV, in magazines, walking the red carpet, throwing parties and concert events. He's won lawsuits and become BFFs with the very folks he targets. And yet the site continues to get updated at the same breakneck pace, entry after entry, sperm dot after sperm dot.

(Or so I've heard! From...other gossip blogs that are not Perez Hilton.)

So whatever, he's got some ghostwriters. Totally expected. We here at Mamapop are actually a combination of real bloggers, a couple monkeys and a robot who has learned how to type but not how to love. (Yet.)

Apparently, though, Perez has denied using other writers. People have come forward (anonymously) for years claiming that they were, in fact, hired to write for the site, and he's denied it. In fact, he JUST sat down for a video interview with Time (go on and let THAT one sink in for a bit) that he is still writing the site by himself and finally ready to hire some help.

So...again, whatever. But I guess other gossip blogs are a bit annoyed. Maybe they're sick of being unable to keep up with his posting schedule despite having a whole flock of writers. Maybe they're sick of having their content swiped. But one of them brought in a goddamn HANDWRITING EXPERT to examine the Microsoft Paint scribbles.

Perez-writing

Mmmm, science!

So what did the expert have to say?

Most of the samples are probably written by the same person. The ones that don’t seem to fit are the “Not bad,” “Broke or cheap, ” and “I’m a new woman.”

Personality-wise, (I have never seen him and know nothing about him), the writing on the laptop is “youthful,” someone who loves attention and approval, who will do anything to get in the spotlight. His attention is easily diverted, he can be careless and hates to deal with small details—someone else will have to pick up the pieces behind him.

So there you go. If you plan to use Microsoft Paint to compose your next kidnapping ransom note, a handwriting expert will still probably be able to tell that it's you and that you are impulsive and a poor planner, and also too fucking cheap to buy Photoshop. Thanks for the life lessons, gossip blogosphere!


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Comments

Gaby

Loved this post. I have never read Perez, but it's nigh impossible to avoid hearing about him, so I still enjoyed this indepth analysis. Also, I hope your robot will come to know love soon.

Debbie

Haha, that's funny. I quit reading perez cold turkey as well. I totally agree that the site is just mean. I quit after his tirade against Billy Joel's daughter. It was just ridiculous!

I was so happy that I found MamaPop after I quit reading Perez. You guys are actually thoughtful about pop culture, instead of just the mindless insults that perez hurls around.

LovelyLayla

I am still guilty for reading Perez even though he practically sends me into pre-term labor everytime I get aggravated by what he writes. But I love writing and criticizing him on my blog, so I keep it up. Lame, I know.
From what I have read and heard however, is that alot of gay people are beginning to fall away from Perez because of how he has been ranting hatefully on people who do not support Prop 8, or other gays who choose not to reveal that they are indeed gay, aka Adam Lambert. In my eyes, it's become nearly overbearing with him and that topic. I wouldn't want to be associated with so much hate, when Prop 8 is supposed to be about love.
Also, I don't quite get why he is sooooooo harsh on people, especially Jessica's ( Biel, Simpson, and Alba) Rumer Willis, Alexa Joel, when um...yeah...he's not exactly tehe greatest looking individual either.

steff

i too, quit perez a few months back BUT i am now completely obsessed with michael k and dlisted.com. its WAY snarkier & michael k. is probably beelzebub himself with the trash he talks about EVERYONE. see, unlike perez who is a TOTAL famewhore who would really like his own time in the spotlight while picking up some celeb friends along the way, michael k. will rip apart his grandma, miley cyrus and himself all in one post. he is genuinely hilarious, trashy, lewd and self-deprecating and for all those things he is my new go-to guy. im just not sure what took me so long to get with him.

Jill

Ugh! I had a nasty Perez Hilton habit once too. I swear he didn't used to be so mean and at one point it was kind of actually mildly humorous in a totally snarky kind of way. But I also quit cold turkey. In fact, I get stabby when I click a link on another site only to find the story they're referencing is on his site. No! Will not add to his page views!!! He's on VH-1's latest "I love" series, "I love the new millennium" and that makes me stabby too. Because like Heidi and Spencer the more attention people pay to him the less likely he is to ever go away.

linda

@seffronia I think the difference with Michael K is that despite the snark he seems to genuinely enjoy his job—I know he can be trashy but I like him anyway.

AmandaG

Never heard of Michael K. Off to check out...

BLT

i agree, Michael K. & Dlisted rocks! The man is totally obscene, nasty, hilarious and sweet at the same time. He gives great Snark! Perez on the other hand, has made his site all about him. I went cold turkey myself when he started to become famous. Half the posts were, and i'm sure still are, about him (i know marketing/branding). He is only nice to the celebs that kiss his a$$. Once they stop or do something to set him off, he becomes crazy vengeful. I don't like the hate that seeps from his site.

BLT

and yeah, this site rocks, too!

indycitygirl

I am addicted to dlisted and quit Perez awhile back because he just works my last nerve.I will admit I saw him on some VH1 thingy and he has lost abunch of weight and for that I give him 2 snaps up in a Z formation!

Just Shireen

Perez makes me feel dirty. And not in a good way.




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