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My Teen Witch Problem

Teen-Witch I had hoped to keep this post under my pointy hat until Halloween, when it would be more appropriate, but I feel the need to share this particular facet of my insanity with the internet as soon as possible.

My birthday is on Halloween. This has its pros (candy AND presents, and just a generally cool fact about me) and cons (my birthday gets overshadowed/forgotten fairly often). When I was an impressionable young girl, I happened upon two pieces of pop culture that both enthralled and tormented me for an embarrassingly large chunk of my adolescence.

First there was the young adult novel series Teen Witch by Megan Barnes. In the first of this series, Lucky 13, Sarah Connell discovers that she is a witch on her 13th birthday, which is on Halloween. (My memory of the plot details is fuzzy and there's not much online, as far as I can tell.) Sarah, of course, goes about making wishes and casting spells and, of course, learns this big moral lesson about not working for what you want (boo!), but obviously doesn't learn it that well since there were at least three more books detailing the consequences of Sarah's actions. My favorite was Teen Witch #3, Gone with the Witch. Sarah somehow transports to herself to the South, pre-Civil War and spends her time there as an up-and-coming Southern Belle, with a few twinges of pity for the slaves that work for her "family" thrown in for good measure. Sarah not only has to figure out how to get back to her own time, but also has to navigate corsets and the social rule of pale skin and passing the long, hot days. She works on what I felt was her coolest power, projecting whatever movie she wants to see on her wall.

The problem with these books was that I got them when I was about 11. So, even though I knew it was kind of silly, I spent my 13th birthday just waiting for something extraordinary to happen. Sure, there was cake, which is always an event, but they're no magical powers and I spent that night staring at my wall waiting for Child's Play to appear and it never did. Although, can you imagine what a bummer it would be if I had developed that power only to later find out about things like cable TV and hulu.com and Netflix's Play Instantly feature?

And THEN...HBO started playing this movie called Teen Witch, no relation to the books as far as I can tell. The plot was very similar, though. Louise is an unpopular nerd at her high school (just like me!). But she has red hair (just like me!) and her birthday is on Halloween (just like me!) and she gains her witch powers on her 16th birthday. A-ha! I thought. The books had it wrong. I just need to sit tight for a few years and I will be good to go. Then I will be able to score backstage passes to Shana concerts, and concoct 80s-tastic ensembles that heavily feature tutus for some reason, and make out in abandoned houses with my Tom Cruise clone boyfriend. And, most importantly, arrange for impromptu musical numbers/rap battles between my nerdy sidekick and some dude who wears sweatpants.


Of course, my 16th birthday came and went and even though I was by that time old enough to know better, a part of my wished very strongly that I would finally "get" who I was supposed to be and why guys would rather torment me than just say hi or even just ignore me for that matter.

Honestly, I keep hoping that I will still gain the power to control time. To pause when I look at my son, to give me the time that I need to navigate through traffic and make it to work on time. There's always this Halloween...

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My husband's birthday is on Halloween. After getting over the fact that all the hoopla was not, in fact, only for his birthday benefit, it's just been kind of a disappointment. People are more interested in celebrating Halloween than his bday. And now that we have kids he gets royally screwed. (also our anniversary is four days after his birthday, so he doesn't even get much time to revel in his birthdayness).

robyn g

I enjoyed that clip much more than I should have.


I LOVED the Teen Witch book series when I was a kid. Oh, how i wished for teleportation (still do)!


I'm gunna be the most popular girl!!!


LOVE that movie - bought it on DVD when it finally came out!!


That clip made my week! Teen Witch was my favorite movie as a tween. The Top That scene was the best part of the movie!


"Top That" is the benchmark for which I set my minimum 2nd date criteria. If a woman can't catch a Teen Witch dance-off reference, then she has no business being with me.

Another Suburban Mom

I am embarassed to admit how much I enjoyed that clip.
Teen Witch Rocks. I have to get the books. To save until my munchkin is old enough to read them of course.


THat clip made me happy! It is so sad that I found myself dancing in my bed while I watched it!


I love that clip. I LOVE that movie! That movie was so wrong it was right. And I'm pretty sure I read those Teen Witch books, they sound vaguely familiar.


Love Teen Witch--you can't top that.

Snarky Amber

Oh god. I think I watched Teen Witch at least 45 times growing up. I love that the Top That rapper is like 35 with a receding hairline.

Look at how funky he is!


if you DO ever develop the ability to manipulate time, can we go back to about 3 minutes ago, before i had seen that clip you posted, and make it un-happen?

Mitzy Carter

Ohmigawd. Was that Lori Singer?


OMG! I think I just peed a little! That was rad.

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