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All the Gossip That's Fit To Roll Your Eyes About In an Annoyingly Superior Fashion

The readers of MamaPop recently made their opinions known. QUITE KNOWN. You demanded more celebrity gossip. And so here I sit, trying to compose an entry about celebrity gossip for you. Only one problem: I have no actual specific gossip item to discuss.

But! I'm not entirely sure I need one. Read on to see if you agree:

I've surfed around various gossip sites this morning and honestly, CAN BARELY STAY AWAKE through the headlines, as they are all the same and kind of boring and not anything jaw-droppingly gossiptastic. 90% of them are about the Gosselins (HE CHEATED ON HER BIRTHDAY!), and...well. What else is there to say about the Gosselins? Is there a more kicked-around and quasi-hated family out there right now? My God, their dog gets his tailed pulled and the ASPCA gets calls from people who read about the tail-pulling in the tabloids OH MY GOD TAKE THE DOG AWAY THEY KICKED HIM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND I HEARD THEY STARVED IT SO IT WOULD LOOK THIN ON CAMERA AND ALSO IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY!

(Of course, our stats would suggest that we don't to actually say anything of substance about the Gosselins. We just need to type out the word "Gosselins" and watch the hits roll in. So here. Gosselins Gosselins Gosselins Cheat Cheat Cheaty Cheat Exploitation Kate's Hair Gosselins.)

Britney's added another entire North American leg of her tour that is clearly exhausting and not particularly interesting her, but everybody now sort of agrees that we need to turn our heads away from Britney and cheer her on no matter how weirdly uncomfortable things seem to be beneath the surface.  And when she says stuff like: I'm so excited to bring The Circus back to North America. I've made some really cool changes to the show that I think my fans are really going to love., we're not supposed to make jokes about "really cool changes" involving anything like ACTUAL SINGING.

So. Moving on.

Octomom continues to post increasingly bizarre videos at RadarOnline, appearing to go further and further off the fucking deep end that she's actually gone full circle and is back in the kiddie pool, but is wearing inflatable swimmies and screaming about sharks. C-list and D-cup celebrities like Kendra Wilkinson continue to get pregnant.  My God, it's as if they possess human reproductive organs or something. Just like US! Courtney Love is a mess, Brad Pitt has a lot more money than most people and we should all judge him for that, and OMFG Whitney Port needs to remember to pack actual clothes in her gym bag, I think. Since I'm giving her the benefit of a doubt here:

Whitney portpants

Whew. Thus ends our whirlwind tour through the gossip worldosphere in search of something worth caring about. I DO care very much about pants, so...mission accomplished. Until next time!

(GOSSELINS!)







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Comments

kdiddy

"Octomom continues to post increasingly bizarre videos at RadarOnline, appearing to go further and further off the fucking deep end that she's actually gone full circle and is back in the kiddie pool, but is wearing inflatable swimmies and screaming about sharks. C-list and D-cup celebrities like Kendra Wilkinson continue to get pregnant."

I <3 Amy.

Snarky Amber

Seriously.

michele

this is with out the moral judgment part--but i think it just sounds like total suck to be pregnant and getting married. esp since Kendra's wedding is not going to just be some small backyard affair. unless the playboy mansion can be considered a backyard. huh.

flutterby

Ok I give up. Who the hell is Whitney Port. And why is she wearing less in public than I wear to BED??

AmandaG

She's on The Hills or The City or The Space Where Shit Is Scripted But Called Reality. But c'mon now... who walks around in that? And I also heart Amy!

Mrs Chaos

I'm not gonna lie...I really enjoyed that roundup of gossip.




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