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The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Episode 4): Red & Black and Read All Over

Picture 16 This episode brought the anger in me. Anger that has been covered up by the lure of entertainment and now I'm just frustrated and I don't know what to think. Though I suppose I shouldn't be putting that much thought into a television show which relies on its viewers lack of brain cells. It's the antithesis of Lost. This show hopes that you're just as dumb as the people you're watching. This isn't the thinking (wo)man's show.

My anger started at the very beginning as Danielle, Teresa and Jacqueline go out for lunch to discuss rumors. Things have been swirling about for sometime now and as the season progresses we're sure to see mob wars between The Family and Danielle. But for now flames are being fanned as the ladies quasi-confront (remember Teresa's an idiot and Jacqueline is far too kind) Danielle on what they've heard about her. She sleeps with married men! She offered her trainer sex as a form of payment! Jacqueline wants to just get things out but doesn't care about Danielle's extracurricular activities and Teresa is still on par with a wet blanket. Though during her one-on-one she says that Danielle is very attached and it might make someone step back which is kind way of saying that she thinks that Danielle is a little too close for comfort. Dina pops in to say that she doesn't like drama so she stays away from it. Remember that for later. You'll need to refer to that when I go off on Dina and contemplate driving down to New Jersey to slap some sense into her.

Meanwhile Dina is preparing to send her daughter Lexi - the one at the opening sequence with the crazy wave - to Cyprus to visit with her father's family. Now let's play a fun game called, "How many times will Dina mention her 12 year old daughter's 'bubies' during the course of a five second packing montage?" Let's go with 145 as the  number of times to talk about her daughters chest on national television. Yeah, she's totally the cool mom. I think I'd rather have a 'fat, ugly' mom than one who talks about the size of my breasts to millions.

Back to Teresa and Jacqueline who are meeting up to talk about having the group take dance lessons. A Picture 17 seemingly innocuous, fun filled activity. Then again we're in Jersey with a bunch of woman who aren't so good at playing adults on T.V. I must say that I do enjoy Teresa and Jacqueline's time together without Danielle there making crazy eyes and sexy kitten pouts. At the dance lessons Teresa's husband Joe walks in and the first thing he says is that the dance instructor is so 'gay'. I have a pretty low tolerance for people who use 'gay' with a certain inflection especially when said person then uses the phrase 'gaylord' two other times. It's unnecessary, crass and it shows that for people who are just so very classy, they really aren't. Apparently money can buy ugly furniture but it can't buy class.

I wonder how much more drama can go down at a dance class. I mean surely not much, it's just dance. Oh but wait, Caroline is there playing love seat critic and oops! There's her son's hands on Danielle's hips and gripping a little too tightly and next thing you know there's a horse head in Danielle's bed with a note attached 'Love, Caroline'.

Picture 18 I really did appreciate the way Danielle put the smack down on Teresa's husband of course this inevitably sets the stage for more of The Drama. And Danielle can't afford to have more people hating her and spreading rumors about what she did and did not do. Enter The Book. Teresa, Caroline and Dina who hates drama decide to get together to have a chat about Danielle's past 'dalliances'. And it's all very complicated and sordid and I'm pretty sure that we've left reality television and into an hour of Days of Our Lives. It seems that 20 something years ago, Danielle was involved in some alleged illegal activities stemming from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And these women are now OBSESSED with this book and what she did in her past which is funny since they all totally don't care about her, don't like drama and hate her and yet, they've made the effort to go to a library just to check out The Book. Which is the universal sign of not giving a shit.

What made me livid about the entire situation is that there is no who is right or who is wrong here. There's a group of rabid women with nothing better to do than to dig up every event in the life of someone they can't stand. So instead of ignoring her they'd rather be out to get her. While at the same time questioning why Danielle didn't say anything sooner. It probably has something to do with the fact that these are some bat shit insane women who she trusts about as far as she could throw them so it is safe to reason that she wouldn't be all, Hey Dina! Here's my mugshot! On top of this they decide that as a Jacqueline's friend and family they should tell Jacqueline what's going on. But here's Jacqueline all ambivalent and in her own little happy place trying to figure out which way is up. Who does she choose: The Family or a friend who is being screwed over left and right just because a bunch of housewives have nothing better to do? 

These women are the type of people who would tell you to turn around so they could stick your tag back Picture 19 into your dress and then stab you with a steak knife. It's more than drama. It's plain evil and I'm falling out of love with the entertainment factor of it all and into ick.

P.S. Teresa, no one cares about your stupid house, gaudy furniture, obnoxious daughter and your bigot of a husband who is probably five seconds away from being arrested for racketeering.

Next week: Teresa is getting boobies; It’s Danielle’s birthday and she feels alone; Jacqueline’s sister in laws are making her choose.

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My husband and I always remark and frequently notice that people who use the word “classy” often don’t have a clue about elegance. Teresa’s obnoxiously ostentatious house did not impress me but rather made me think of all of the money that was frivolously wasted.

I found myself feeling a little uncomfortable while watching this week.( Terera's husband's slurs = I won't go there...)
At one point I thought, “What a bunch of gossips! Do these women have anything else to do with their lives?” And as for the whole “blood is thicker than water” take on family loyalty, I don’t necessarily agree with this idea that Jacqueline should chose between family and friends. What are they- a cult? Why can’t she have friends outside of her family? If they don’t like her friends then they don’t need to associate with them. I agree with you – for people who ‘hate’ drama, they sure are keeping it going!


I get the reasoning behind not liking Danielle, I guess, but really, I think it's really crappy that they are bringing all of this shady stuff out about her past. Danielle said it best, she has daughters that she obviously adores, they have no need to be hearing about any of that stuff until Danielle finds it suitable to tell them about it. I'm sure Dina and Teresa wouldn't appreciate it if Danielle outed their past, if they had one, for their daughters to find out about.
The whole "gay" slur thing bothered me too. What a jackass. Not only for that, but then him making a scene like a 12 year old girl going " I hate that girl" and all that other stuff. C'mon, seriously? You're a man, act like one. He was the one who wanted to sign up for those classes anyways wasn't he?

Fairly Odd Mother

You are making me glad I went to sleep instead of watching this. I don't like ANY of them and that is saying something. I watched last week's episode and thought, Why can't Jacqueline tell her husband that her daughter can't have a new car for almost flunking out of school? She goes to the "Family" to see if they'll talk to him? Is she afraid of him?

This show does NOTHING for women but to show them as petty, self-absorbed, male-dependent shrews. Although Dina's working so hard lately, you gotta wonder if she's getting ready to be not-so-male dependent from her invisible husband.


I think what bothered Jacqueline most was the allegations of kidnapping. If you heard someone in your neighborhood had been charged with kidnapping and the other allegations would you not question it?

Gray Matter Matters

I have to admit, I was taken aback that this was not a an anti-Danielle post. With the exception of Jacqueline, who you can't help but love, they are all disgusting--but Danielle is a whole different echelon of freak. I still find it entertaining and cringe and giggle my way through every episode. This is New Jersey, people and sadly it's not a far off depiction of a certain segment of the population. Caricature, sure--but no one would tune in to watch "real" real housewives...frankly I can barely stand watching my own life. :-)


For the record I'm pretty annoyed with all of them at this point including Jacqueline. It's true that I love her but I'm sick of her 'well I just want everyone to love everyone else' attitude. She needs to get a pair and stand up to someone. ANYONE. And yes, I do feel bad for Danielle, no one asked her about it they just made assumptions and went straight to talking about her.

Of course I'd be freaked out if I heard that someone was a kidnapper or anything like that but if you've known her for that long...I don't know I would just ask. It's more like they were looking to find fault with her about something and they found it.


Now that I think about it though...
I started watching this show after I read about it on here. It is a train wreck, but I just have to watch. I think it stems from having all guy friends, and no ladies around to gossip with.
But I think it's funny how gas prices are going up and people are losing jobs, GM is bankrupt, then you have these people on TV who spend THOUSANDS on clothes for their little girls who will probably wear that stuff once, and ugly bathroom marble, or yes, a car for flunking school.
How many of these shows will they make us watch?

I'm waiting for Real Housewives: Youngstown or Detriot

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