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Weeds Recap

Weeds_lounging2 I'll tell you this much: I don't think too highly of this Esteban character and how he's handling Nancy's pregnancy. I think maybe there are some power issues in their relationship.

Nancy comes downstairs in the morning to find Cesar, who is apparently tasked with following Nancy everywhere. "Esteban thinks you need company," he explains. Nancy calls Esteban and leaves him a voicemail asking him to kindly call off his goon. Cesar explains that Esteban hasn't yet made up his mind about Nancy's fate, but Nancy isn't paying close attention because outside she notices the bobblehead Jesus doll that served as a camera during her trips across the border for Guillermo. Nancy goes out and picks up the doll and notices a note taped to the bottom that says, "I miss you, Blanca. I need to see you now!"

At Nancy's sister Bitchface's house, Shane and Andy are sleeping on couches while Bitchface and her twin daughters get ready for the day. Bitchface is irritable and the twins are snots and Mr. Bitchface is all, "Hey! I'm a can-do kinda guy!" and I hate all of them. Andy has to take his time getting up because he has morning wood. Good ol' Andy. Always entertaining. Never, ever appropriate.

Nancy drags Cesar to a salon for a mani pedi and the ladies working there insist that they don't allow loiterers and force Cesar into a chair next to Nancy. They bustle around him, saying some rather racist things that Cesar doesn't understand, and when they pull off his shoes they gasp at the sight of his feet and insist that he needs the fish. They shove his feet into a tank of those little piranhas or whatever that kooky pedicure method is and Nancy excuses herself to get a bikini wax. Cesar isn't sure what to do but is fairly certain he doesn't want to be forced into a bikini wax, as well. After a minute, he jumps up and bursts into the wax room. But instead of being faced with Nancy's meticulously maintained brewster, he finds an empty room and an open door. Go Nancy! But wait. Does this mean that her topiary is all sloppy now? For shame!

Silas and Doug are hiking through the national forest that Shane suggested. Silas gets excited because he thinks that they're deep enough in to start setting up shop while Doug marvels at a butterfly that had the poor judgment to come anywhere near him. "Alight upon me!" he orders the butterfly, which of course it doesn't. Doug tries to catch up with Silas but comes to an abrupt halt when he sees that Silas has several semi-automatic weapons pointed at him. Apparently someone else already found that perfect spot for their grow operation.

Nancy and her poorly maintained split knish fled to the prison to visit Guillermo. He puts on the saccharine charm and says that he knows that Nancy called the DEA, but Nancy insists that she didn't. She then makes some prison rape jokes to get a rise out of Guillermo but he maintains that he knows that she's the rat and that rats die. "You don't want to cause me stress in my delicate state," she says. "Can you see that I'm glowing?" she coos. "You think you're smart," says Guillermo. "You're not a wife," he points out, explaining that unfortunate characters like Nancy end up in landfills. "You were an interesting person to know, Nancy Botwin," he says. Well, that was a nice little visit.

In Oaxaca, Rudolfo is looking for his 9 mm clips and cursing Quinn's name for being messy. Celia tries to calm him down, saying that she thinks he's way better off without Quinn. Plus, he's a rebel leader and chicks dig that. Rudolfo is still upset but Celia explains that Quinn is nearly impossible to love, even for her. "I gave birth to her, I should love her. But she always has this expression like she's smelling bad cheese," she says. "Yeah," says Rudolfo. "What is that?" Of course, their little moment doesn't last long because Rudolfo compares Celia to Quinn, which sends Celia into a blind rage and she smacks Rudolfo, screaming, "HOW COULD YOU COMPARE ME TO HER?!?!?" Rudolfo has had enough of the brand of crazy that the Hodes ladies are selling and orders Celia to leave, releasing her from captivity.

Back at Aunt Bitchface's house, Bitchface is complaining about Nancy's tendency to get into trouble and needing her help. But Andy insists that Nancy witnessed a Korean gang war and has to lay low until the trial. I mean, it's not a TOTALLY wild deviation from the truth, now is it? Bitchface takes pity on Shane and agrees to keep him for now.

In the woods, Silas and Doug are being questioned by the guy who runs the grow operation. They insist that they were just hiking, but when the dude in charge goes through Silas' backpack, he comes across the seedlings, which he notes are very, very good. He explains that normally he would just shoot intruders like Silas and Doug and dump them in the creek, but instead he's just stealing their seedlings and letting them go. So much for that plan.

Bitchface apparently has a healthy drinking problem as she and Andy are on their third bottle of wine by mid-morning. Bitchface is ranting about her husband and Nancy and keeps asking Andy if she's talking too much and Andy keeps waiting for the perfect moment to make his move. Shane walks in, looking for food. Bitchface calmly says, "The mall. You can't miss it. Go to the end of the driveway and make a right." Once Shane leaves, Bitchface and Andy finally start making out.

Nancy is at Dean's hotel, getting her affairs in order with regards to Silas being Shane's legal guardian should anything happen to her...like being brutally murdered by a Mexican drug lord and being dumped in a landfill. Dean is slightly distracted by his new personal injury lawyer brochures but pauses to ask Nancy why she chose him. "I trust you. You're a parent," says Nancy. "And you're the only person I could find on short notice."

Celia, instead of leaving the rebel camp, has taken it upon herself to organize all of Rudolfo's bullets and weapons. "Good organization calms people," she explains. Rudolfo looks conflicted and Celia begs him to let her stay. "I like it here. My hair doesn't frizz," she says. "I have no friends," she adds.

Andy and Bitchface are having angry sex on top of the washing machine. Shane stands outside and takes pictures of their illicit act with his phone. Ick! Please, please, please do not start masturbating to your aunt and uncle Shane.

Nancy has taken herself to a sushi restaurant and orders herself some high-mercury raw fish and shots of whiskey for her and the waiter. As they're toasting, Nancy alludes to a suicide attempt when she was younger. The waiter's like, "Uhhh...okay. So how about this wasabi, eh?"

Later, Esteban finds Nancy going through his stuff in his office. "Are you drunk?" he asks. "No!" insists Nancy, mid-belch. Esteban is, of course, upset that Nancy isn't taking better care of his baby. "What's the point?" slurs Nancy, asking him when she'll be a permanent resident of a landfill. Esteban says he hasn't decided yet. Nancy suddenly grabs his gun and points it at her stomach, ordering Esteban to do it already. Esteban grabs Nancy by the hair and pushes her face down on the desk. As he has sex with her, Nancy kind of laughs at the absurdity of it all. Esteban snarls that she does not dictate the terms of this arrangement. When he finishes, he nonchalantly smacks Nancy's ass on his way out. Cesar walks in and sees Nancy, half-nake, lying on the desk and tells her that it's time to go.

Episode 1 recap

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Snarky Amber

Ew. That "sex" scene you described sounds a whole lot like a "rape" scene. But I didn't see it because I have basic cable and have to wait for the DVD.

I'm gonna have to remember this recap next time I need a thesaurus entry for "cooter."

To Think Is To Create

I am a little confused/weirded out by Esteban, b/c he told Nancy he loved her last season. Is he just really pissed and still loves her, or was all that a lie?

Also? OF COURSE I'm weirded out by Esteban, but I meant for reasons other than that he's a murdering drug lord.

Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy

I hate Esteban.


I watched the first three seasons and stopped. It began to feel ... wrong ... to view things that were so twisted as entertainment.

Suzy Q

Yeah, that wasn't sex, it was rape.

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