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Weeds Recap

Weeds_lounging2 Last week, after Sucio disappeared leaving a bloody trail behind him, Nancy fled with Andy, Shane, and Bitchface and had orders from Esteban to await further information from him. This week, Bitchface is out of the picture, though I don't think we heard for sure if they dropped her off at the airport so she could go home or if she and Nancy got in a fight and she huffed off saying she would just walk home to Oakland or if she was attacked and eaten by dogs. Wherever you are, Bitchface, I hope you're well and I hope we see you again this season because you're kind of fun.

Nancy is playing a first-person shooter game at some family arcade place. Andy comes over and starts whining at her about wanting to go home but Nancy reminds him that they have to wait for further instructions from Esteban. Then she shoots some bunnies and owls. Nancy and Andy then have a little bitchfest at each other that is very you-fucked-my-sister-centric and peppered with lots of "ergo"s and "bullshit"s. Andy then challenges her to kiss him and when she won't he insists that it's because she really likes him. Nancy insists that it's because she's carrying another man's baby, which isn't much of a denial. She then continues to get her rocks off by shooting small woodland creatures.

Esteban summons Nancy and Co. back home and tries to butter up Nancy's existing kids with some of his campaign tshirts. Shane is not exactly thrilled about meeting this new father figure but tries to get some facts. "So, you're the mayor of Mexico or something? And you stuck your penis inside my mother?" What a gumshoe! Nancy asks about Sucio's disappearance and whether it's characteristic of him to wander off naked and bleeding. Esteban shrugs and says that it happens, so Nancy thanks him giving him a gun and keys to her house. Esteban thinks that it would be best if they all moved in with him, but Shane protests, saying that Esteban is not the mayor of them. He pushes the idea at Nancy, but more tenderly than he's been recently. He reveals that he received some test results confirming that the baby is both his and a boy. "My boy," he squees. Now that the genetics are settled, Esteban has a new bodyguard for them, who apparently was one of the guys working at the maternity store last season but I don't remember him. He comes bearing a baby gift: a Now and Zen baby swing. Andy flips and calls the guard a gorilla and a thug, so the guard tazes him with his little friend, "Mr. Zappy." Nancy moans, "Oh, now he's wet himself." The guard notes that that often happens. Esteban tells Nancy that he only wants the best for "our boy." Nancy, cautiously happy (I think?) hugs him and says, "Nothing is exactly as it seems, nor is it otherwise." Uh, what? Oh, she's reading it on the baby swing box, which seems like an awfully odd thing to print on a baby swing. Like, is it not exactly a baby swing? And am I a close-minded mom for wanting the things in which I will place my infant to definitely exist? Do we really need to get all Schrodinger's baby at this point in existence?

The teacher that bought weed from Shane is, shockingly, kind of a skeezy douche and wants $4,000 worth of weed now. Shane marvels that he has 4k to spend on such luxuries and says that unions really are ruining this country. The teacher cuts their meeting short to go teach an abstinence class and I wonder how often scenes like this actually play out in life and cry a little.

Nancy is trying to put together the zen swing and Silas stops in wearing his suit. He asks if he's racially biased or if they do indeed have a new Mexican bodyguard. He's off to meet with a potential landlord for the store. Nancy asks him where Andy is and Silas notes that he's in the garage...working out. Nancy finds Andy lifting weights and wearing one heck of an outfit that includes tube socks and short shorts. "Is this because you pissed yourself last night?" she asks. "No. Yes," says Andy. Nancy has to get back to the zen baby erector kit but Andy pesters her about having a bodyguard when he can protect her. He says this while squeezing a Thigh Master with his arm and Nancy points out that she doesn't need him to crush her foes with his armpit. The guard comes out and tells Nancy that the dogbell is ringing and snickers that Andy looks like Jamie Lee Curtis in Perfect. Nancy laughs and agrees. I haven't seen this movie that they're referring to, but here's a still I found from it:



It turns out that the dogbell was rung by Celia. Nancy says, "What a wonderful surprise?" Except not. Not wonderful. Not a surprise, either. Celia spots the guard and suddenly I remember that he's the guy that first gave Celia cocaine. "She's like the herpes," he says. "She keeps popping up." Nancy notes that Celia has a suitcase which is never a good sign. Nancy, of course, doesn't want to let her stay there but Celia appeals by telling her that she was kidnapped and her organs were going to be harvested but her body's a toxic pit. Nancy blurts out that she's pregnant and Celia asks, "With a baby?" She also asks if the baby is Andy's and we cut to Celia getting tossed out of the house with her stuff. Roy Till is watching from his car and then gazes at a Polaroid of him and his deceased boyfriend dressed up as Johnny and Baby from Dirty Dancing. O...kay.

Silas and Doug are checking out an old dry cleaning place that would be perfect for their store. Doug, of course, says some racist things about the Asian landlady, but that doesn't even matter because she is more offended by the nature of their business and won't rent to them because the feds will take her building. However, the cop shows up to nudge the landlady. Apparently, she's dealt with his tactics before when he beat up her cat. Doug says that he likes the cop's style.

Nancy is still working on the baby swing and calls it a plastic demon from hell and moans, "Mommy needs to get drunk." The bodyguard drags in an unconscious Roy Till who was peeping in through the window. It doesn't look like he was there in any official capacity because he doesn't have a badge and has stuff like brass knuckles on him. Not exactly standard issue, ya know? The bodyguard tazes him again and says that he's going to put him in the tub and slit his throat and stuff, so Nancy tazes the bodyguard and says, "Not in my tub."

In the kitchen, Andy asks Shane, "the moral center of this family," if he thinks it's wrong to impersonate one's deceased brother in order to gain access to a savings account. Shane doesn't seem to think so, but is preoccupied with taking bundles of weed out of the freezer. Shane, the moral center, explains that he's selling it to his English teacher. Andy tries to coax him into rationalizing that it's for the family's greater good, but Shane says that he's a Botwin and they're not responsible for what they do. Ah, teenagers.

Nancy has Till and the bodyguard tied to her bed and is questioning them about Sucio's whereabouts. She's cut short by Celia's reappearance and while she goes downstairs to deal with her, Till and the bodyguard start arguing and fighting by kicking each other. The bodyguard gets freaked out when he notices that Till has a boner. Nancy gets Celia to leave by throwing lit matches at her and Celia says that they can talk later.

Andy is at the bank pretending to be Judah. The teller informs him that there's close to $200,000 in the savings account but that Judah himself better come see her if he wants a dime. Andy, realizing that this teller had some kind of history with his brother, tenderly informs her that Judah died. The teller is devastated.

Shane is at the teacher's car and making fun of his life in general, but the teacher drives off with the weed in his car, leaving Shane without $4,000 and without Silas' weed, which is bad.

Nancy is basically having to choose which guy has to die, because if she releases the bodyguard, he'll kill Till, but if she releases Till, he'll arrest and/or kill the bodyguard and/or Esteban. Nancy says she can't choose who dies because she's bringing a child into the world.

The teller and Andy are talking outside of the bank. She tells him that Judah was her first everything and when he went away, her life became a bucket of shit. However, with the bank closing, she might be able to get Andy the money if he'll go out with her. As Judah. And he has to call her "Mags." Yikes.

Esteban arrives at Nancy's and asks her if she's alright. She answers him with Magic 8 Ball responses. So...no? Esteban explains that they are not right or wrong, nor good or bad. They chose this life and there's nothing he won't do to protect that life. He enters the room and I guess by calling Esteban, Nancy had essentially made a choice, the same one she knew Esteban would make, and I guess she's having a little trouble coming to terms with what that means. Esteban sends the guard away and I'm guessing that Roy Till is no more. Nancy and Esteban take a walk on the beach and he tosses her Magic 8 Ball into the sea. He kneels and kisses Nancy's stomach while Andy finishes building the zen swing.

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Is it just me, or is Shane's age distracting? I mean, I get TV+child actors=suspension of disbelief. I watch Lost. But he was like six in season one. Are we really to believe that 6-7 years have gone by? It's annoying.

That being said, I hope he fucks up that creepy-ass teacher.

Suzy Q

You've never seen "Perfect"? Go rent it. NOW. Get several bottles of wine and a couple of girlfriends to come over to watch it with you. You won't regret it. That line by the bodyguard made me almost pee, it was so perfect. (See what I did there?)

I'm thinking teacher-man is gonna be a bit sorry he fucked with Shane. It's gonna be fun to watch.

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