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Weeds Recap

Weeds5_postcards Yay! The new season of Weeds premiered last night. Now, let's see, where were we...Nancy and Andy had a come-to-Jesus talk during Nancy's bath time wherein Nancy confessed all over her dealings with the feds, resulting in Guillermo's arrest and whatnot and Andy realized that he was in lurve with Nancy. Silas was tossing around ideas of expanding his grow operation to a farm. Shane was hanging with the gothic Miley Cyrus twins and starting to sell weed. Celia was kidnapped by Quinn and her boyfriend in Oaxaca. Isabel and Dean were holed up, just trying to get by. Oh, and more tiny thing: Esteban summons Nancy to his office, presumably to kill her, but Nancy reveals that she's pregnant.

The new season opens with Nancy still awaiting Esteban's reaction to the ultrasound picture that she's produced and I feel like I'm watching an old episode of Guiding Light. One day in Springfield usually took about a week. Esteban's right-hand man, Cesar, can't believe Esteban believes Nancy's story for a second and before the situation can escalate, he kills the other two guys in the room, saying that they gossip too much. Good thinking Cesar! Esteban is a little exasperated with all of this and instructs Cesar to send flowers to the families and buy a new rug and to take Nancy home. Nancy isn't in any rush to jump into a vehicle with her baby daddy's assassin and insists that she can drive herself home, noting that the sudden death of Cesar's work friends means that he probably needs time to process things. They go back and forth until Nancy finally requests a speedy execution rather than the vague drive to an unknown location. They finally let Nancy go and she's like, "K, bye! TTYL!"

Dean and Isabel are playing cards when Quinn's boyfriend, Rudolpho, calls and snarls, "I have your wife. Send money." Dean argues that he's broke and Celia's his ex, so Rudolpho should go ahead and do what he has to do. Dean and Isabel continue playing cards. Quinn is furious and knees Rudolpho in the groin, just in time for Celia to wake up and wonder what's going on.

Nancy goes to the mall to decompress but notices some blood on her purse. She turns pale, but I think it will come off just fine without a stain. Don't worry, Nance!

At home, Silas is talking to Doug and Andy about his farm plan. Andy asks Doug about the marks on his neck, and Doug nonchalantly explains that he jerked off with a noose around his neck. Shane walks in and is even more squeaky-voiced than before and is now sporting a pierced ear. The group notes Nancy's absence and begin arguing about ownership of her room, should she not return. Luckily, Nancy returns just in time to retain her bedroom and to assuage any fears about her wellbeing. She also notes the marks on Doug's neck.

Rudolpho calls Nancy the next morning, waking her up to tell her about Celia's captivity and how they're planning to chop off her ear. "How Van Gogh," Nancy yawns. She explains that it's too early for this type of thing and besides, she and Celia aren't really friends and hangs up. Andy barges in and tells Nancy that he wants them to flee to Denmark. Nancy explains that she can't flee because she's, you know, in trouble with the Mexican mafia and they, um, aren't really the out-of-sight-out-of-mind types. Andy insists that they should go to Denmark and blurts out that he loves Nancy. Nancy blearily explains that she's pregnant and needs to sleep. Andy looks a little shellshocked from the news and leaves just as Cesar calls Nancy to tell that she needs to meet him at 2 p.m.

Shane has set up shop in the school library, selling bags of weed in between reading The Kite Runner. The gothic Miley Cyrus twins discuss the anal rape scenes when a teacher comes up and confronts Shane about his little business. Shane tries to play it cool but the teacher knows what he's up to and, in fact, is interested in becoming a customer in exchange for his silence. American public education system, FTW!

Captain Roy Till is talking to Sanjay when Rudolpho calls. Till incredulously hears of the ransom for Celia and tells Rudolpho to go fuck himself.

Doug and Silas are working on plans to move the grow operation to a nearby national forest while Andy sits by, still in shock. Rudolpho calls Doug about Celia, who says, "That cunt can go fuck herself. Tell her I said, 'Hi!'" Rudolpho calls Andy who, upon hearing of Celia's imminent death, points out that people die every day AND women in their forties have babies every day. That last bit get's Silas' attention.

Rudolpho tells Celia that no one has offered to save her and asks her if she has maybe a Facebook page that they can use. Celia scoffs that clearly a Facebook page would be a waste of time. She wants to know what people are saying when Rudolpho calls and mostly they pass along their greetings. "Everybody hates me," notes Celia. She asks Rudolpho why he puts up with Quinn's abuse and he tries to play it off and blame himself, saying that he makes her so mad. Quinn pops in for an update on Celia's situation and when she hears that ransom is no longer an option, states, "We'll kill her and sell her organs. Now, let's go have sex." Rudolpho obeys.

Nancy's meeting with Cesar turns out to be an appointment with the unofficial Ob Gyn of the Mexican mafia. Nancy listens while Esteban and Cesar speak with the doctor in hurried Spanish and, seriously, one would hope that after so many months of being a somewhat key figure in a Mexican drug cartel, her Spanish would be a little better. Nancy is instructed to sign consent forms for a procedure and she, obviously, isn't interested. Esteban sends everyone out and pushes Nancy onto the table ane explains that she will show the doctor right now that there is a baby inside her that is male and his. Seriously scary.

Rudolpho walks Celia back from the bathroom and Celia whines that Rudolpho should know that you wipe front to back on girls and that she might get an infection now. Quinn is at work on the computer. Celia makes one last appeal to her daughter, noting that she's broke but she'll figure out a way to take them to a spa for a week. Quinn responds by showing Celia pictures of black market organ harvesting procedures and notes that she'll insist upon being present when they remove Celia's heart just so she can see that Celia actually had one. Celia moans that she lived through cancer only to come to this. A light bulb goes off in Rudolpho's head and he yells at Quinn that because Celia has had chemotherapy, her organs are no good. Quinn flips out, Rudolpho screams at her to leave, and Celia realizes that her daughter not only has her sadistic relationship skills but her aptitude for crime, as well.

Andy is baking banana bread when Shane comes home and unceremoniously finds out about Nancy's pregnancy from Doug. Nancy comes home and has only a few seconds to soak in the banana bread before Shane confronts her. Silas tries to hold him back but they start fist fighting. Nancy throws a loaf of banana bread at them and burns her hand doing so. She runs to the sink as the boys continue beating each other and Andy shouts at Nancy, "YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!" Doug waltzes in and says, "Hey, Nancy! You're back! What's new?"

Later, Shane, Silas, Doug, and Andy all wordlessly leave Nancy alone in the house with her mess of a life. I'm not sure if they're all going to Silas' grow operation or to a relative's house. Later, Nancy is out somewhere and happens to see a flash mob, which makes her smile. Also making her smile? Cesar, who is watching her, but it seems like he's watching her with loving eyes. Iiiiinteresting.

Awesome Weeds someecards are here

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Did anyone else feel a little weirded out by Doug's auto-erotica in light of David Carradine? I know that was a storyline from last year, but still...one week later felt a little icky to me


I don't have Showtime anymore and NEEEED these awesome detailed posts! Thank you thank you thank you! In a year when they come out on DVD I'll watch for real... in the mean time, this is my first stop on Tuesday mornings.


yeah, that was unfortunate timing.


I live to serve, m'dear. Or recap. I live to recap.

amy @ bitchin' wives club

Thanks for the re-cap! I was wondering if you could clarify this exchange, though, "She runs to the sink as the boys continue beating each other and Andy shouts at Nancy, "YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!" Andy waltzes in and says, "Hey, Nancy! You're back! What's new?""

Huh? Andy said both those things? How did he make the transition from fist fight and hateful yelling (not that it is undeserved!) to "Hey, Hiya,HowAreYou?"

Thanks for the continued re-capping!


Ack! Thanks for pointing that out, Amy! No, it was Doug who asked how Nancy was doing. Sorry about that! It had been so long, I kept getting the characters' names mixed up.

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