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A Brief Tutorial on Crabcore

Crabdance A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I got into some argument about something or other. And as many of our arguments tend to go, it quickly devolved from a spirited debate into, "You're stupid/No, YOU'RE stupid/Your mom!/No, YOUR mom!" And as a method of shutting me down, my husband threatened to litter my Facebook wall with crabcore videos. Deathblow.

What is crabcore, you ask? Allow me to make your reality suck a bit more enlighten you.

Crabcore is the unofficial (and, of course, internet-generated*) name for a genre of music that is very, uh, interesting...and...uh...flamboyant?

As far as I can tell, the seeds for crabcore were planted in this video by band Brokencyde for their song, "Freaxxx."

There are many things going on in this video: hipster/emo fashions and hairstyles, excessive and meaningless keffiyehs, auto tune abuse, and just a general and hypnotic WTF vibe, thanks in no small part to the dude in the piggie outfit. I had seen this video months ago and felt pretty confident that it was mostly a joke.

However, I wasn't the only person to see this, obviously, and I don't think everyone has the same sense of humor as me, because, uh, it kind of gave birth to something very wrong. Note: you must watch the entire video, no matter how much it hurts.

From what I can tell, the plot of the video is that the band, Attack Attack, give a free concert in Dust Bowl, USA. Despite their best promotion efforts, only one girl attended. She's a good sport and watches the "performance" for as long as she can, but eventually the synchronized dancing, the screaming, the auto tune, the inexplicable integration of electronica afterbirth (2:47), and low, sideways crawl that the guitar players use (hence the name "crabcore"), cause the poor girl to have a complete mental break. We see her begging for mercy and looking for the shuttle back to the community college campus to no avail. And I imagine in reality that actress fired her agent soon after.

*That link takes you to a rather comprehensive definition and history of crabcore on Encyclopedia Dramatica, but I do not endorse all of their language.







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Comments

Snarky Amber

It's funny you should post this today, as Mr. Snarky Amber and I were introduced to crabcore this morning with a birthday post on his Facebook wall featuring a crabcore cover of "Such Great Heights."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LRKw_eLSko

bouncy

So...I really really tried...but I just didn't make it through...
I will have to get enlightened some other way.

iambellaluna

Shut up. This is...this is...I can't even decide what this is. It isn't right though. That I know for sure. Crabcore can die—I would've never missed it.

Jane

Quick! Look! Are my ears bleeding?

There's 3 plus minutes of my life that I will never get back :-)

Laurie White

Je. Sus. 2:47.

Also, "Despite their best promotion efforts, only one girl attended." Ha!

I'm awake now. Thanks.

Katie Kat

Um, ow? What's up with the idiot in the first band? The one with the pink shirt... at he can do is play with his hair, dribble an imaginary ball and scream ocassionally. DER??? And the second one is just pure hell. WTF? Death metal mixed with electronica and a bit of Cher? NO CAN DO.

Sweetney

That, madam, is REDUNKULOUS.

Sarah

I have never seen a head banging, hardcore...no, sorry...."crabcore" keyboardist before. I'm intrigued!

indycitygirl

I tried to watch but my head splodes!! That is major suckatude.On a scale of suck that ranks right up there.All I could think about was Beavis and Butthead screaming in sheer agony.I have to go cry now...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Observations?

- How heavy can a band be with a keyboard player? (Don't site Dimmu Borgir)

- I watched the whole thing, but it took 4 sittings.

- I agree with Laurie about the 2.47. Does that mean they want me to hold their purses?

samantha

Damn i could have went years without seeing brokencyde's video XD
...and i like attack attack and i think there really good...but their pretty much worth shit live because of all the auto tuning that cant be pulled off on stage




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