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Ice Skater Brian Boitano to Host Cooking Show, Thus Making the Lord's Creation Complete

Boitano Many years ago, some hopeful young lads from the town of South Park asked themselves, "What would Brian Boitano do?" Based on his experiences in the 1988 Winter Olympics, fighting grizzly bears with his fire breath, fighting the evil robot kings of the future, and building the Great Pyramids of Egypt and defeating Kublai Khan in the process, Brian Boitano rose to prominence as a wise sage and prophet, just like Jesus and those other dudes.
Now he turns his powers to the insurmountable challenge of....PAELLA! AUUGGHHHH!!!!!

The figure skater will star in a new series on Food Network called What Would Brian Boitano Make? The show will premiere August 23rd at 1 p.m.

From foodnetwork.com:

In the new daytime series, What Would Brian Boitano Make?, Brian demonstrates his culinary skills and passion for one-of-a-kind entertaining. In every unpredictable episode, Brian hosts get-togethers at his San Francisco home. With a humorous and knowledgeable approach to cooking, Brian puts his unique spin on irresistible dishes like Chicken Paella Burgers, Pear and Almond Crostata, Crab and Avocado Crostini, and Bourbon Bacon Apple Tarts.

In the first episode, Boitano helps an eligible bachelor cook up a dinner party for 15 eligible bachelorettes.

I'll tell you right now, I will watch this show only if Boitano moves around the kitchen in his socks doing stuff like this:

Brian_boitano
*shwoom* Yes, I will show you where the knives are.

Brian_boitano_big_arms
*fsssshhht* Tonight we will cook a sea bass that I caught. It's *this* big.

Brian-boitano-light
*ssscchhhwa* Stove? No, I don't have a stove. I cook things with the light that emanates from my fingertips.

Brian_boitano_gold_medal
*fsssscchhht* Since this is a formal, sit-down dinner, I'm wearing my epaulettes and this little necklace that I received from the locals when I spent a few weeks in Canada during the winter some years ago. I just need these bitches next to me to quit bitin' my steez. STEP OFF, BITCHES!







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Comments

cindy w

OMG the captions on these photos are awesome. I haven't decided if I'll watch or not. I like Brian Boitano, but cooking shows generally aren't my thing. Eh.

Rebecca (Bearca)

I'm giggling while reading the captions. Hahaaa!

robyn g

Yes, the captions rock.

You know, it IS the Food Network and all, but I don't think I'll be able to resist checking out an episode or two. What would Brian Boitano make? My day, that's what.

JennyM

Honestly, I was won over when I saw that the title was going to be "What Would Brian Boitano Make?" because that? Is awesome.

iambellaluna

OMFG. I just have to tune in to see if the skating ice-dancing Brian Boitono looks like now (#1) and can cook up anything decent (#2). Cooking shows lately have become my thing (because I tend to cook the same 5 things ALL THE TIME) & the premise to this one sounds fabulous so far...(a lot of the shows on Food Network are kind of a snooze-fest/the people are not engaging of my attention)

ozma

Love the captions. Your talents are wasted. You need to consult with the show.

michele

he is no scott hamilton but i still like him!

[mark]

picture # 2 makes him look an awful lot like kevin spacey....




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