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OH NOES! Edward Kidnapped!

Those of you who were at Sparklecorn 2009 doubtless remember the presence of our friend Edward, who was featured prominently in many a party photo taken that night:

Edward2 Edward3Edward4 Edward6

Well at the end of the evening, we were startled to find that... we could not find him. He was GONE. *POOF!*


But wait. It gets better. MUCH better.

Here's a little something that came to the 'tips@mamapop.com' email address today:


Well I'll tell you all one thing right now, we the MamaPop collective will not stand for this... this treacherous treachery! I mean really, SO NOT COOL. Jeez.

So to the filthy, villainous swine who took our Edward from us, I say:

WE HAS NO MOAR CAKE. How do you feel about Pop Rocks?
Also, how do we know he's okay? SEND PITCHERS!
And for crissakes whatever you do don't let him out in the sun. HE WILL SPARKLE TO DEATH.

We await your speedy reply, O Villianous Ones! Operators are standing by!

. . . . .

If you have information you'd like to share about Edwards whereabouts and/or clues to the identities of the Villianous Ones in question, please send to tips@mamapop.com! We will protect, like, your anonymity and stuff. kthxbai!

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I can has coke spewing from my nose?

So funny.

Miss Grace

Dude. I took one of those pictures (but didn't send in the ransom note, honest).

Just Shireen

And this is why I love you people.


So freaking funny. It has to be someone who had a car - there's no way Edward was getting through airport security.

veep veep

you are trying to trade edward for pop rocks?! woman, offer something like a limited edition ferris bueller poster ...



Cannot. Stop. Laughing.


Oh, the hilarity.


That's awesome, awesome, awesome


As far as I am concerned they can keep him. I am on team Jacob.


LOL! OMG - this is the best thing I've seen all day...all week...possibly all month!

P.S. I don't have Mr. Cullen but if I could produce a reproduction, could I have a tic to Sparklecorn next year? Pleaz?!?

Isabel @AlphaMom

omg. "he will sparkle to death" is too much.

dying dying dying.

Ashlie- Mommycosm

LMAO!! That is AWESOME. Bravo to the kidnappers. Way too funny. Looking forward to seeing this unfold.


I don't think it was me, because I have escaped the Twilight love thus far. However, there are so many gaping holes in my memory from that night that it is completely possible. I'll check my suitcase. He could be cavorting with my life-sized Obama cutout.

Red Lotus Mama

I am looking a bit devilish in that photo, but I swear it wasn't me!


That cake was damn good. I can see how an evil genius might have pilfered the party in an effort to get more. Oh sorry, I meant MOAR!

Amanda @ High Impact Mom

Wow! That's just funny. Love it.


I had my way with him that night, as you can see. No need to take him home with me. ;)

Mrs. Schmitty

ROFLMAO!!! Wasn't me...I wasn't even in Chicago.


That is too funny!! Glad to see it's a real MamaPop fan who's the culprit and not some weirdo swag whore/Edward fanatic.

Miss Banshee

OMG, I know I should not be encouraging this behavior, but that is so funny I may perish right now.

Curse you, Edwardnappers!!!!


BWHAHAAAAAAAAA. I'm dying over here.


I kidnapped him! Mwahahahaha! LOL


I think I saw him eating a hot dog on the Navy Pier on Saturday.. but didn't see anyone with him.

Maybe he runned away? and just wants moar cake??


My husband votes this for "the best comment on this post."


huh-heh...huh-heh.... you said cavorting...


So funny! I took TWO of those pics, but left his cardboard butt there for others to enjoy.

I hope you figure out who snagged him, if nothing else, it would be a funny post follow-up.



Making me choke on my wine: Your doin it RITE!


Hahaaaaaa! "HE WILL SPARKLE TO DEATH." I hope the captors do some sort of freaky Edward Captive Diary Fanfic. "Day 1: Alas! It seems I've been ignominiously stuffed in a closet at the Sheraton Hotel. Nary a gazelle or deer in sight to slake my indomitable thirst, only something called a Quaker bar, which I find detestable, and some sort of vibrating device. Very curious indeed, but I must focus my keen intellect on the matter at hand-- WHAT VILE CREATURE HAS DONE THIS TO ME? Jacob? The Volturi? WHO, I ask you, WHO? I MUST SEE MY BELLA! BELLAAAAAA!"

And, you know...so forth.

Miss Banshee

I love you, Metalia. And I hope, wherever Edward is, he's writing a diary. Perhaps the kidnappers could send THAT to us, at least???


I request a proof of life. I mean how can you send Pop Rocks, Cake or otherwise, unless you know he hasn't sparkled to death.


How can so much win fit in one comment?


I want to know how someone got him on the plane without causing a scene. Must be someone who lives in Chicago. Or had a large car with them. See we can narrow it down a bit right there.

Can't drink liquids when reading here...good to know.

Suzy Q

I can has fresh panties? Mine are...um, wet.

Maris Callahan

Well, whoever stole Edward did it before 1AM. Thats' around when I left...and I'm not saying that my roommate and I DID plot and scheme over the possibility of taking him, but if we had, he was gone by then.

Kerri Anne

Is it strange to admit that I sort of love mis-matched cut-out ransom letters? Because I totally do.

I think I might like to receive one before I die, but maybe the kidnappers can steal something like a sock, instead of, say, my car, or a life-size cut-out of Tom Selleck. (Not that I've ever had one of those. AHEM.)


This is too awesome. Luvz itz.


Some sort of vibrating device...



Actually -- little known fact here -- Edward FOLDS. To something vaguely suitcase-sized.



What Jenn C said. You give good comment, lady.


I find your honesty refreshing. And so I shall spare your life. THIS TIME.


Oh my goodness. This is adorable.

Account Deleted

this is AMAZING!! i compel you - start a blog of the Edward's Sparklecorn Captivity Diaries. i'd read that shit for YEARS and never stop laughng.

maybe a regular feature here?


Awesomeness at MamaPop!


Heh, well he's certainly not here in Jersey. Besides, we don't leave notes, or have much use for unicorn cakes. Now, chocolate is a whole 'nother animal. Good luck finding Edward.


This, this right here, is why I wish I was at BlogHer...and I don't have a blog.


I haz tears. I haz tears HARD. OMFG. Dying. Sweet baby Jesus, please to bring Edward home safe so he don't sparkle to death. I totally remember at one point thinking, WASN'T EDWARD THERE A MINUTE AGO? BUt I thought it wuz my imaginafication, from the Razburry Rye. Now I no. Have you called the milk carton people? Theyz culd halp.

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