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True Blood Recap: Never Let Me Go

True_blood_sara_and_jason Everybody sing with me: Ain't no orgy like a Bon Temps orgy, cause a Bon Temps orgy don't stop!

Biggie Biggie Biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your vamp just glamours me. And I just love your flashy ways. Guess that's why they broke and my back's all scratched up.

Something like that. My Bon Temps shapeshifter/vampire/vibrating demon party jams mix is still in its infant stages.

The orgy is still raging as Daphne and Sam sneak through the woods. Daphne strips as she walks ahead of Sam and when he catches up with her, he finds a deer. Sam, who spends some of his time as a doggie, is totally shocked that his would-be girlfriend likes to kick back with a salt lick after a hard day. Daphne calms Sam down by noting that she spotted his dog-self jumping into the water and gushing about how great it is that they found each other. Terry and Arlene run giggling into the woods and bump into Sam and Daphne. It doesn't look like their eyes are still black and they seem to be acting relatively normal. I mean, they're not shoving food or dirt into each other's faces. I wonder how quickly Maryann's posession stuff wears off? Daphne takes off, much to Sam's disappointment. Terry says that he'll see Sam at work tomorrow, then swoops up Arlene and they run off to have some of the old in-out-in-out.

Sookie is still chasing after Barry who is trying to insist that he is not the same as her. But when a glamoured menu item walks past them, they can hear that it's nothing but fog and disco music in his head. Barry wants Sookie to just leave him alone, because this is Dallas and the vampires are serious and scary as shit. Ugh. That attitude is so annoying. Like...look, if there are creatures or people who kill other people with their teeth, they're serious and scary as shit. I don't care what state they're from. Sookie tries to point out as much but Barry is convinced that if anyone finds out about him, he'll get used and exploited. He warns Sookie not to tell anyone about him and runs off.

In the room, Bill is lecturing Jessica for getting room service without his permission. Geez, Bill, it's not like she got something from the mini-bar. Bill insists that she have nothing but True Blood and Jessica stomps off saying that he'll be sorry when she gets an eating disorder. Bill turns his attention to Sookie, who has returned from the hallway, and lectures her for wandering off, and gets pretty condescending with his, "Sookeh, Sookeh, Sookeh," clucking. Sookeh, I mean, Sookie assures him that she wouldn't do anything stupid. Obvs. Because she's been level-headed and conservative this whole time that we've known her. Especially that one-two punch of good decisions when she took bratty and impulsive Jessica to her parents' house and THEN stomped off into the woods in the middle of the night. Anyway, Sookie doesn't really want to talk about all that when they can diddle during the daytime at the vampire-friendly hotel.

Hoyt is at home reading a comic book when his cell phone rings. He answers, "You're talking to The Man." It's Jessica and she can't stop thinking about him. Aw, and the feeling is mutual! Hoyt's mom busts in demanding to know who is on the phone. If it's a girl, she wants Hoyt to tell her that it's not decent or ladylike to call a boy, especially not late at night. Hoyt shoos her away and Jessica tells him that she's bored in Dallas. Hoyt recommends that they watch TV together, long distance, or he can read his comic book to her. I guess phone sex is out? Anyway, it's a pretty cute interaction.

Jason is woken up at dawn by the Soldiers of the Sun sarge. It's time to start training and God needs the soldiers' obedience, faith, and will, and all will be revealed. They start with jumping jacks and I start wondering if they're just going to do the 30 Day Shred. YOU'RE STRONG, JASON! YOU CAN DO THIS! THIS IS EASY FOR YOU! But Jason isn't totally awake and is slow to get started so Sarge makes him drop and give him 30. Luke giggles at Jason getting in trouble, because Luke is perpetually in 3rd grade, so Sarge makes him drop and give him 50. Jason glares at Luke and starts doing his push ups one-handed and I roll my eyes repeatedly.

Tara wakes up next to Eggs and puts her head on his chest. It looks like she's checking to make sure that he's still alive, which seems like a good idea around this crew. She picks up the picture of her and Sookie and Gran and studies it. Eggs wakes up and Tara tells him how Gran was like her own mom. She says that she had a great birthday and Eggs tells her that it's the first of many. They cuddle.

Sookie wakes up and heads down to the continental breakfast. Barry still wants her to leave him alone but Sookie pushes because she's never met another telepath. Barry shushes her telling her not to say that word but she points out that it's what they are and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Barry apparently missed the Telepathic Pride festival that Sookie attended because he views it as a curse. But Sookie says that her gift is helping her to make some money and that she can teach him how to control it. Barry runs from her again and for a telepath, Sookie can't really seem to take a hit. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU SOOKIE! She goes back to bed and Bill whines that he had a dream that she was gone and it freaked him out to wake up without her. God, Bill, co-dependent much? Sookie tells him about Barry and is bummed that he isn't happy for her. Bill explains that the more people know about her abilities the harder it is for him to protect her. He sighs that he's bogged down with his responsibilities to Sookie and Jessica and Eric and no decisions are his. It makes him feel like a waitress. He's also freaked out by how intense Eric is about finding Godric. Sookie tells him not to worry, that she'll just do what he asks and they'll go home. Bill says that he can't lose her and Sookie says that he never will and these all sound like famous last words to me. Just sayin'.

Arlene and Daphne are snipping at each at Merlotte's, putting poor, confused Terry in the middle of things over whether or not he should do Daphne a favor and make the iced tea. Sam walks in and he and Daphne talk quietly to each other. He asks why she took off and she says that she went for a run as she usually does after she shifts. Lafayette walks in, much to everyone's shock and surprise and relief, especially Terry's. He and Sam go to the office. Sam asks him where the fuck he's been. Lafayette, looking rather forlorn and broken, simply says that he's sorry. Sam goes on to say that not only did Lafayette leave them high and dry, but there are people at Merlotte's who give a shit about him. Lafayette is quiet but asks for his job back. Sam gripes that he ought to tell Lafayette to fuck off especially since the stress almost put Terry back in the VA. But he relents and says of course. He asks what happened to Lafayette but he's still not talking. Poor guy. I guess being chained in a dungeon, watching a guy to torn apart, getting shot, threatened, and fed on will fuck a guy up.

At soldier training, one of the recruits collapses during their jog. Jason helps him up but Luke bitches at him, then takes off at a breakneck speed. Jason yells after him that he should pace himself.

Tara goes downstairs and is surprised to find Maryann and her endless supply of fresh fruit in the kitchen. Tara is confused and Maryann nonchalantly explains that that big house wasn't hers, that it belonged to one of her clients, and she kind of assumed that she and Karl and Eggs could all stay at Tara and Sookie's now. Um, what? Gah. Normally my biggest problems after throwing a party at my house were kicking out passed out people in the morning and asking for help with clean-up. I never had three people and their fruit of the month subscription move in the next day. Also, this is obviously a lie because Maryann was in that house during Sam's flashbacks a few episodes ago. Tara tentatively explains that this won't work. Maryann insists that Sookie won't mind, especially when Tara explains how much they mean to her, but Tara holds her ground and says that she doesn't feel right about the situation. Maryann, severely disappointed, says, "Oh. I see." Tara goes into the living room and asks Eggs about them moving in and gets all snotty with her when she tells him that she's not cool with them moving in. Tara asks if they're nomads or bedouins. Eggs snaps back that they're a family and Tara's history is just so fucked up that she doesn't know what family is. Which makes me think that I'm fucked up because my family never crashed my new roommate's house, threw an orgy, and then moved in.

At soldier camp, the recruits have moved on to trying to scale a fence. It's not going well for Luke, who did not heed Jason's advice and is now exhausted. Sarge tries to motivate him by saying that his family is on the other side, bleeding to death. When Luke still can't pull himself up, the Sarge says that he's a big fat loser and shame on his self and his religion. Jason scales the fencely nimbly, then holds his hand out for Luke and pulls him over. "Praise His light!" he yells. Sara is tickled.

Sookie and Bill and Eric are meeting with some of the Dallas vampires and arguing about how to go about finding Godric, who, we find out, is 2,000 years old. One vampire, Stan, thinks that they should just annihilate the Fellowship of the Sun church but the other vampire, Isabel, points out that it will be very obvious who was to blame. Eric gets pissed and calls them clowns.

At their house, Steve and Sara are arguing about something that Steve didn't tell her about and Sara insists that they're going too darn far. Hmm. Jason comes down and Sara gushes that he was fantastic. Jason is rising to the next level and Steve tells him to take a walk with him. Sara tries to join them but Steve tells her to stay put. Steve takes Jason down to this rather impressive (read: fucking frightening) arsenal, that includes guns and arrows and flamethrowers and shooting stars. And they have a guillotine on order! Sweet! Steve gets a boner talking about all of the killing they're going to do as Jason plays with a missile launcher. What could possible go wrong with this scenario?

Maryann and Karl pull up to Merlotte's. Maryann tells him to keep the car running since she's not going in. She squints at Merlotte's and puts some other kind of spell on the place that makes everyone really pissy, especially with Tara. Maryann grins at Karl and tells him that she's done. Oh, whoopee, she made Tara hate a bartending job. What a powerful being. No other force in the universe could make that happen since bartending is basically hugging puppies all day.

Jason is taking a bath when Sara slinks in. Jason is startled and asks if she wants him to leave. She tells him to stay put, then locks the door and offers to help wash him. She grabs a loofah and starts caressing Jason and talking about how Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus and dried him with her hair. "Yeah," says Jason. "But wasn't she, like, a hooker?" Sara insists that she was not, not in the bible. She just admired Jesus and loved him. Sara rubs the loofah down Jason's stomach and he tenses up and tells her, "No." But Sara knows that he doesn't mean it. She thinks that after all of Jason's trials, heartache, and pain, God wants him to have a reward. "Let me reward you," she says. And reward him she does...with a Holy Handjob.

The Dallas vampires are still arguing and Bill asks if they even care that there's a traitor in their midst. Sookie has an idea: she'll infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun. Bill protests because during the day none of them can help her, but Eric agrees to it. Bill pulls Eric aside and freaks out a little and asks why this is so important to Eric. Eric flashes back to his days a Viking warrior and for some reason, typing that sentence, only now do I feel kind of like a fan-fic author. Anyway, Eric is mortally wounded in battle and being dragged by two loyal soldiers who promise to ease him into his journey to Valhalla. As Eric lies on his funeral pyre, something comes along and swiftly kills his friends. It's Godric, who looks to be about 14. Eric asks if he's death and Godric says that he is. Godric was impressed with Eric's fighting in battle and offers him the opportunity to be a companion of death. Eric, I guess, agrees to it and Godric goes to town on his neck. We flash back to the Dallas living room and Eric, looking all kinds of vulnerable, explains that Godric is his maker.

At Merlotte's, after everyone has taken their pissy selves home, Daphne and Sam clean up and talk about their shifting qualities and have sex on the pool table. Corner pocket! Or whatever inuendo is available in such a situation. Sam and Daphne come up with, "Nice rack," and "Nice balls."

Sookie goes to the front desk and asks about Barry, but the lady working explains that he quit.

Tara walks into the kitchen and finds Maryann reading a book and wearing clothes that look like they could have been Gran's. Tara does not appear to be disturbed by Maryann's departure from her maxi dress uniform. She explains that they'll be out by morning, but Tara begs her not to go. She'll call Sookie because she wants them to stay because they're so good to her. Maryann explains that she's good to Tara because she needs it so much and because it makes her bloom like a flower. Tara goes upstairs and finds Eggs waiting in bed for her. Hmm. So is Maryann actually good? What is going on?

Bill and Sookie are talking in their hotel room about the other vampires and how goofy they are. Bill wants to sneak away but Sookie says she can't because she gave her word to Eric. Plus, she still needs that driveway. She promises that she'll be in and out of the church, easy peasy. As they make out, we see some vampire (in a maxi dress) walking down the hallway outside of their room. At first I think it's Maryann, but I think it's actually the vampire who made Bill. Interesting. I wonder what she wants.

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They start with jumping jacks and I start wondering if they're just going to do the 30 Day Shred. YOU'RE STRONG, JASON! YOU CAN DO THIS! THIS IS EASY FOR YOU!

I may or may not have been about to eat a cheeto right when I read this. Thus resulting in my immediately putting the cheeto down and uttering a "Sorry Jillian" under my breath...

So, spot on Jillian Michaels impression, dude.


A cloud passed over my house thus making my Direct TV have a flippin seizure and GAH!! Apparently I missed the Holy Hand Job! *Side note – Direct TV must be run by Satan and his minions*. Hate.

Sookie and Bill were totally like the couple in the beginning of a movie where they talk about how happy they are and how they feel better then they ever have in their entire lives and a butterfly flutters by and then someone coughs innocently and BAM by the end of the movie everyone dies of the plague.

Yeah, the end was Lorna and me thinks she is up to no good. Which is fine by me because I heart Viking Eric and would pay good money to see hot Eric sexy time action. And that kind of makes me a dirty whore. But I’m okay with that.

Maryann = Bad. The scene in the kitchen where she was dressed like Gran was all sorts of Norman Bates weird. I think the exorcism actually worked on Tara but unfortunately the only thing excised was Tara’s common sense.

Okay. Patiently waiting for next Sunday now! Thanks for the update Kdiddy. You are the best! Get on with yo bad self, Hooker. *sounds better when Lafayette says it*

Suzy Q

I don't geddit. Maryanne was creaming to have Tara move in with her in that big, pretty house. So, what if she had said yes? (I didn't notice the house in Sam's flashback, so thanks for that tip.)

Maryanne is definitedly bad, and not just in an endless-wardrobe-of-town-gowns way. Now that we know she's the monster-thing, what about Daphne? Is she a monster-thing, too? I've been wondering about that. Seems to me you can't just survive one of those back-slash attacks without some sort of residual...issues.


Something about Maryanne in Gran's clothes just creeped me the hell out. She might as well have been wearing a skin suit and gnawing on a dead baby.

And Rhonda, that's exactly what happened to me a few weeks ago. I'm embarrassed to admit that we immediately changed cable providers...

Thanks for the recaps, kdiddy. Between watching the episodes twice and reading these on Monday I can just make it to next Sunday!


"She might as well have been wearing a skin suit and gnawing on a dead baby."



On the Daphne/scratches front here are my theories...

a) she is connected to MaryAnne somehow that is yet to be revealed

b) being a shape shifter she's immune to the poison in the scratches

c) they were there to throw us off and were just normal "I'm a deer running thru the woods and hit some branches" scratches

I just recently started watching so got to watch all of season 1 and most of season 2 back to back...this waiting a week is killing me now!!!


Maryann is evil, and I just about lost it with the 'blossom like a flower' line. I realize Tara had a crappy night at work and needed some kind words, but really? Maryann was laying it on a bit thick.

I also think there has to be some Maryann/Daphne connection. Sam will be blindsided.

My other favorite line was Eric, while dying, 'Wherever I am there will always be women.' You have to love someone who retains their sense of humour on their deathbed. I like that guy more and more each week.

Cheeky Lotus

I will be laughing all day over "Guess that's why they broke and my back's all scratched up".


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