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Friday Eye Candy: Backpacking Dad Edition

Ferrisdayoff Today, Backpacking Dad -- humanitarian, philanthropist, dude with Elizabethan facial hair -- mourns the loss of the great writer/director John Hughes and the eye candy that sprung to life on the silver screen from his  brain:

John Hughes died. I had an entire post written about all the nerdy girls I love to watch on TV and in movies (Natalie Portman, Alyson Hannigan….) and then John Hughes died.

What an asshole.

But…he was responsible for some defining moments in my cultural maturation. He directed some landmark pieces of teen cinema, and he was also the screenwriter for so many more. So, partly in thanks, but mostly in order to think back on some women who showed me that it is possible to be attracted to the middle-aged married dude and to sell tuna with a heart, I give you Backpacking Dad’s Friday Eye Candy: The Women in John Hughes’ Head Edition.

1. Sloane Peterson. She wasn’t a bad girl, but she wasn’t good  either. (Do you know what I mean? She was no Kristy Swanson. She skipped class.) Sloane has the charm, attitude, cleverness and beauty to attract the under-challenged Ferris Bueller. Sloane is the kind of girl who would give you a miserable time if you failed to try, but never if you tried and failed.

2. Watts. Able to do for women what Duckie was unable to do for men, Watts is the best friend, the tomboy, the one who was there  for you when you scraped your knee and bloodied your lip, and she was also probably responsible for one of those bloody lips. She was tough, but totally in love with you. Asshole. I mean completely in love with you. And she’s hot! You just never noticed. But no, you had to convince yourself that the objectified girl, the rich and popular one, was the one for you. You know what, Stoltz?? You didn’t deserve Watts. I can’t believe she didn’t leave your ass for Annie Potts. Hmm. I may be confusing my storylines here.

3. Lisa. She will pull a water pistol on you that happens to fire real bullets, and invite a biker gang over to your house to make you man up because you took a shower with her and you weren’t naked. She’ll kick your older brother’s ass and help you win the girl of your dreams. Because she isn’t the girl of your dreams. Lisa is all-wise, all-hot, and all-woman, and she is also completely unattainable. But she kind of likes you because you’re cute.

4. The Girl in the Ferrari. A vision, an idle fantasy (different from the plotted, deliberate fantasy that Lisa represents), The Girl in the Ferrari is the brief encounter with what seems to be a better life. Sitting at the park she inspires you to do stupid things to show off a little (like eat a sandwich that’s been pissed on by the dog), and topless in the pool she inspires you to do even stupider things. No, crazier things. And it’s only in seeing your family and life reflected in her eyes that you realize she’s an illusion and the green you see on the other side of the fence is your moldy corpse, long-dead from loneliness. But damn, she was hot.

5. Caroline. She’s smart enough, confident enough, and trusting enough to enter the work force as a full-time member when her family needs her to. She trusts herself, and more importantly she trusts you, jackass, even though she knows the learning curve for the job you have now is pretty steep and that you are going to wear that ratty shirt and drink all day and probably get hit on by that redhead who’s been eyeing you for years. She’s a loving mother, a loving wife, a model employee, and smoking hot. And you, I can’t believe you were even thinking about that redhead. Didn’t you pay attention during the dream sequence?

Who are the People in John Hughes’ Head who have had the most impact on you?

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Sam - sometimes the nerdy awkward girl can get the guy of her dreams.

Claire - what I wouldn't have done for those boots. Plus, she chose the bad boy (we all secretly love the bad boy!)


Jeanie (Shauna). Because I could SO relate to being the bitchy sister and feeling hated. And I learned to just deal.
Also I liked bad boys.

your neighborhood librarian

I think I need Watts's haircut. You think that would fly on a 44 year old? Hm, probably not.

Account Deleted

claire and allison from The Breakfast Club. somewhere in the middle of those two ladies was the woman we all wanted to be when we grew up. except for the fact that Allison couldn't stay weird to get her man. that truly sucked.


My brother used to tell me I was just like one and would end up like the other. I was..what?...a tween? That was confusing.

Snarky Amber

Duckie, Bender, and Watts are my favorite eye candies.

Gratton Grapevine

All this post has done for me is created a major, "Hey, yeah, what ever happened to..." moment. I can see where the next hour of my life will be wasted. ;-)


This was awesome. Thanks.

For me, damn near every character he wrote was awesome.


Allison - tho I agree with Robyn above, that she couldn't stay freaky to get a guy. And Bender, because he had that whole "bad boy on the outside/crying little boy on the inside". And now that I'm a mom, it makes me want to find his dad and bitch slap him into next Thursday.

Except for the whole "not real" thing. Yeh, that gets in the way more often than I'd like.

Sugar Jones

Honestly, I think the characters I loved the most was Ferris Bueller and for his Seize-the-Day love of life vibe.

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)

In the words of Duckie, may I admire you?

I will always, always want to be Claire.


the only thing keeping this from being the perfect post is a 100% lack of molly ringwald photo.


Backpacking Dad

Completely and totally deliberate. She gets all the John Hughes love.


I was right there with you until you included the picture of Teri Garr. For reasons unknown, she does not make me happy like the others do.


My first and only lesbian dream involved Sloan and a roomy shower. I must've liked the character more than I realized, because this dream was over two years after I'd seen the movie.

As to the characters I identified with, I really dug Keith from Some Kind of Wonderful, because I'm all for the gutsy underdog and the guy who stands on conviction and the guy who gives it a shot (no matter how long said shot may be). And Duncan, who came swooping in just in the nick of time with his 'FUCK YOU' and his swagger!

I loved Duckie because I had a Duckie of my own; I wouldn't trade one minute we spent together because he was funny and adventure-loving and all-around adorable.

I also ended up loving Cameron from Ferris Bueller; one of my favorite things in all the world is witnessing someone find their boldness.

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