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Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt Together Again! While Jon Gosselin Watches!

Gwyneth-paltrow-picture-1

Sorry for the visual.  Or maybe you liked it, pervy.  Anyway, this is actually a gossip round-up post wherein I bring you The Top Three Stories coming out in the tabloids this week.  Also known as I Couldn't Decide Which Story To Write About So Please To Enjoy Them All.

Let's kick it off with Catherine's favorite person, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Now I have been a loyal fan to Gwyneth.  If she is in a movie, I tend to see it.  If she's in a magazine I will dutifully gaze at her firm thighs.  I'm pretty sure that entitles me to #1 Fan status.  That said, I always sensed she was an uppity beyotch.  I love being right.

Chuck Taylor, former Billboard Senior Editor, relayed his experience at a children's charity event he recently attended in New York where Gwyneth was the 'honored guest'.

The key to the story here is that the press was invited BY GWYNETH'S PEOPLE.  This was not paparazzi.  I'll let Chuck take it away from here in his own words because the story is too good to miss a detail.  And by good I mean stomach-turning.

Gwenythpaltrow

"The event was supposed to be on the rooftop, but given that the city was sopping, it moved inside.The press gathered on a balcony above the setting for the $375-a-plate dinner as Paltrow entered amid the typical madness and mania that accompanies any celeb standing in front of camera crews. If you’ve never seen it, you’d almost pity the star (until, of course, you remember that this is a responsibility of their choice to be in the public eye), as photographers shout out, “Gwyneth, look here.” “Look to the right.” “Smile.” “Turn your head.” “You look great.” “Hey, Gwyneth, turn around.” “Look over your shoulder.” “Can you smile again?” It’s truly bombast like nothing else in the and you wonder how these folks manage to look relaxed and smile ever so sweetly. Then again, you consider that an actress like Paltrow makes $10 million per picture… and empathy evaporates. Deal with it.

For that reason, it was astonishing to hear the disgruntled comments from the press on the elevator as we were hurried back to the lobby, that Miss Gwyneth was overheard telling her publicist, “I’m done. Get the roaches out of here,” referring to those very photographers that deliver her pictures to the wire services, newspapers and weekly celebrity magazines, helping her maintain any semblance of relevance."

Nasty much, Paltrow?

#2 Jon Gosselin Is Tired of Being Blamed, But Not Too Tired To Put On Lip Gloss

Jongosselin

Jon Gosselin gave an exclusive interview to In Touch magazine this week.  Presumably so that we all know he's a big boy now and he's really hoping to convey that with his glassy eyed stare into the camera like he just finished nursing.  The shiny lips aren't helping.

According to Jon, it was Kate who initiated the split "because she wanted a career". 

He claims that he tried to work on their marriage: "I was beating myself up about it. So I read a lot of books about personalities, like The Five Love Languages. Throughout the marriage, I felt like my personality had changed a lot. In December, I went to therapy. I asked Kate to come, but she didn’t want to. She said, “If you have a problem, go fix it.”

(You have to admit, that does sound like Kate.)

Jon claims he's only dating Hailey Glassman (lucky girl): "She is the polar opposite of Kate. It’s really different. I feel good about myself and people see my good qualities. You can have a balanced relationship but also spend time with your friends."

When asked when he plans to introduce her to the kids, Jon said he would do so after the divorce since it may be "awkward" for the kids. "We are dealing with eight different personalities, and they will each handle it in different ways. They may never be comfortable."

But don't let that stop you, Jon. Parenting is all about "hanging out with your friends". Don't let anyone tell you different.

#3 Brad Pitt Likes To Do The Nasty With Angelina In the Pool

Brad pitt

I don't write the news, folks.  I just report it.

Brad Pitt gave an interview to Parade magazine and among other things, shared that Angelina is his "soulmate", their family is "the base that gives Angie and me the long tether to go out and do all these other things. We've put down roots together" aaaand that their family swimming pool is "a great place to have sex".

Hmm, sounds itchy.







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Comments

mouthy_broad (michele)

oh, i like this recap. i have never liked GP. never. boo to her and her nastiness.

otherwise, yea, prob jon did want to keep it together but she was not interested. (career in what? nursing?)

brad? well, take that tabloids--they are in love! not splitting like you tell us every week.

iambellaluna

Angie's lipstick looks like those wax-candy lips you get for valentines day in that last pic. WTF. Also, you're right...Jon's lips are AWAYS SHINY. What is that man doing?

alexa

Is it just me or that a really creepy pic of Brad?

Snarky Amber

oh, SNAP, Chuck Taylor, with that last little barb. If Gwynnie doesn't watch it, no one's going to know her as anything but the stuck-up wannabe Brit that married that hack Chris Martin.

And the thing is I always thought Blythe Danner was such a class act, so what's Gwyneth's damage?

in re: Pitt-Jolies - WE GET IT. YOU HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME. YOU LOVE TO FUCK. WE KNOW. IF WE ALL LOOKED LIKE YOU GUYS WE'D NEVER GET OUT OF BED BECAUSE WE'D BE FUCKING EACH OTHER OR OURSELVES ALL DAY. SHUT UP ALREADY.

Alyssa

Jon Gosselin makes me tired.

In regards to the Parade cover, I want to know what Bill O'Reilly thinks children can learn from Obama... kind of. Like the same kind of way I want to see a car wreck on the highway; I don't really want to know, but morbid curiosity takes over.

Gaby

No, it's not just you. I was trying to figure out when Brad got a glass eye because I would've thought the tabloids would've been all over that shit.

BaltimoreGal

Yep. Maybe it's from all the nasty shit in the pool.

Fairly Odd Mother

I hate to say it, but if the Jolie-Pitts' invite me over for a BBQ, I'm not going in the pool. Maybe that's why Shiloh is sad (from the In Touch cover)---she doesn't want to get in that pool either. Poor little dear.

inkypop

So, my grandfather dated Blythe Danner back in the late 40s or something...which would roughly have made me Apple Martin. Yikes!
But! He also dated Grace Kelly, which might have landed me as Princess Athina of Monaco...darn you Pop-pop!

DianaCLT

*SNORT!*

indycitygirl

Amen.I think you said it all :)




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