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Jon Gosselin's Stomach Is Telling Us To Go To Hell

Jon-gosselin-s-stomach So there's this picture that's been all over the internet, of Jon Gosselin exposing his stomach. There he is nonchalantly texting and at the same time treating us all to a glimpse of his blubbery mound. And while most people are wondering how he could be so careless, I tend to think he's doing it on purpose. It's like Jon's stomach is giving us the finger.

Seeing as this isn't the first time Jon's showed us his killer abs, I'm convinced he's using his midsection to send us a message. It's saying, "Sure, sneer all you want, but in a few minutes I'll be covered up by one of Jon's $350 Ed Hardy shirts, filled up with a plate of nachos and laying down on a pile of money next to a 21-year-old." I imagine Jon's stomach's voice would sound sort of rough and husky but in a cartoonish way, kind of like McGruff the Crime Dog.

As you may have heard, Jon is tired of being dumped on by the press, and much like a child would stick out his tongue to show their displeasure, I think Jon is sticking out his gut to show his. "You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?" I can't get the image of Jon's stomach yelling that with McGruff the Crime Dog's voice. I may need to take a pill to get to sleep tonight.

But that's not all Jon's stomach is revealing. I think it's telling us that while Kate might be dealing with the split by busting out her newly toned bod in a bikini, Jon's willing to expose his imperfections as a way of working through his pain. That's right - Jon's beer belly is approaching something downright spiritual! And I think I see Jesus in those hairs below his navel.

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::wishes the visual would magically disappear::


The stomach exposure is taking our eyes off the bald head that is also showing....

Momo Fali

Looks like he needs to get back on Kate's organic diet.


I call hypocrite. When Kate's stomach looked like that, she got a tummy tuck. Can't Girlfriend #1's dad work Jon in?

Jenn Eats Nutritiously Now

I agree with Grace. And at least when Kate's stomach looked like that it was because she'd birthed 6 children. What's his excuse?!

debt settlement

so what not everyone has a perfect body. he has got 8 mouths to feed he is paying out the ass in child support


Hilarious post.


I rather think his belly is saying "Feed Me Seymour, Feed Me!"


I think his tummy is saying *burp look at me I want to still be an attention whore!*


I would much rather see his gut that those hair plugs upclose..He is douchey and needs to act like a dad not like a 21 year old frat boy


Why did these people ever get a tv show in the first place? I've never watched and never will but their behavior off the boob tube is horrible enough. How exactly does he plan on paying child support when the tv show is gone? How many kids will he have with his next wife? Honestly his excuse of "I'm just 30 whatever" makes me barf. But the entire thing is fascinating. Poor kids.


Maybe that isn't really Jon's stomach and he just what he wants you to think that.

Maybe he has a moneybelt tucked under his skin and its making him look fat.

What if he took off his money belt from under his skin and his six pack was back. Then you'd all be like "what the?!" and he would laugh.

I'm just saying...


I think a whole series of posts featuring the voice of Jon's McGruff the Crime Dog voiced-stomach might be in order! :)


I wish the McGruff the Crime Dog would narrate my life.

Karen Sugarpants

Cannot unsee....

Laurie White

I keep wishing for a world in which he is invisible but yet, there he is. There that is. No. More. Gosselin. Tummies. Please.


Why is it okay to fat-shame a dude? I mean, I know it's J-Goss and he's a total douchebag, but this crap wouldn't fly if it were about a woman. Keep it klassy, folks.

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