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Kid Fined $50 For A Lemonade Stand, Celebs Still Go Unpunished

Edward cullen It's something out of a Dickensian novel: A kid sets up a lemonade stand in NYC's Riverside Park on a summer day, and the Parks Police comes and shuts her down, fining her $50. Fifty clams for 5 bucks worth of lemonade, man. Outrageous. Now I could tell you about a thousand things you could run into in NYC on any given day that are worth a $50 fine. Hell, I could tell you about a thousand things just in Riverside Park that are worth a $50 fine (young couple under the picnic blanket? Everyone knows what you're doing. Same goes for you, oh-so-casual pot dealers.) But since this is MamaPop, the mecca of your pop culture needs, I have come up with a list of five people who more deserve a monetary fine more than little Clementine Lee, who just wanted to make a buck selling some lousy lemonade.

This one's for you, Clemmie. And I might use some bad language, but let's face it, you're a budding beverage mogul in NYC. At ten years old I'm sure you've heard it all before. We shall cover everyone from Ed Hardy and his t-shirts to Robert Pattinson's eyebrows, so tuck in. A $50 fine goes to the following:

Ed Hardy and His Clothes: Shut up, Ed Hardy. I mean it, shut right up and stop with the scandalously overpriced t-shirts. They're loud, they're tacky, and even TLC has started blurring them out on Jon and Kate Plus Eight because they are ENCOURAGING Jon Gosselin to be a douche. Stop it right now. No one wants to encourage Jon's douchiness, and you're doing a bang up job all by yourself. Your clothes are ugly, please go away. $50 fine.

Everyone Claiming Egg/Sperm Donation To Michael Jackson's Kids: Ooooh buddy, y'all are climbing out of the woodwork, like termites. There are CHILDREN involved in all of this, does that even blip your radar? You're all a bunch of bottom feeders. Shut up and pay up. $50 fine.

Women Getting The Kate Gosselin Reverse-Mullet: Ladies: LADIES. This is not a good look. You look like you swallowed a firecracker and it blew out the back of your head. You know what's unattractive? The mullet. You know what is ALSO unattractive? The REVERSE mullet. You want to cut your hair short, GO for it! But make a decision, and please get some more subtle highlights, and...lordy, this haircut is a hot mess, and I'm actually seeing people outside on the street sporting it, and that bird won't fly with me, mister. $50 fine.

Speidi and their mother effing Playboy issue: Oh my god. OH MY GOD WE GET IT. Two of the most vile people on the planet have a new pet project, and it includes going to every single red carpet event and shoving Heidi's Playboy cover in the paps' faces. Newsflash to anyone who cares: I hear from very reliable and pissed off authority that you don't even get a nipple slip. It's lame, it's tacky, it's not even NUDITY. Someone needs to crate train these two so they don't get into more trouble. $50 fine.

The Twilight DVD Commentary: Oh, Twilight. I'm not telling YOU to shut up, and I'm certainly not telling EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD to shut up, but I am telling Robert Pattinson, Kristin Stewart and director Catherine Hardwicke to kindly shut up and pay their fine, because the commentary on Twilight is infernally annoying. When KStew isn't moaning and groaning about how laaaaaaaaame acting is, RPatz is waxing poetic about his EYEBROWS. And while I do admire EDWAAAAAAAAAARD's eyebrows, I don't need to hear about them for an hour and fifty-four minutes. Shut up, commentary. $50 fine.

There you go. Five things that need a fifty dollar fine more than a 10-year-old kid selling lemonade. Clementine Lee? I don't know you, but boy howdy I love your name, and this article is in honor of you, girlie girl. I hope you start a blog someday and tear apart celebs. That would be neato.


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mouthy_broad (michele)

i think you should add to make the checks payable to "mamapop."

how awful to fine a CHILD for a lemonade stand. i doubt his parents could even fathom that this wouldn't be ok to do.


I'm pretty sure I love this.


Yep. I love this.


Wow. That was cathartic even for me. Thanks! I feel all cleansed and shit.


Awesome! Regular feature? Please? (also if some of those cheques could be made out to me that would be swell)(sorry: "checks"... the canadian in me got out for a second there)

mouthy_broad (michele)

i really like the idea of a regular feature of celebs that need fined.

ms martyr

Only very slightly related, but how about the hot dog vendor that fell behind on his $54,000 a month rent to have his stand in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art? Really, New York? $54,000 a month for sidewalk space? Clementine Lee got off easy.

Snarky Amber

Dude, this post is a gold-star, full-of-win masterpiece. All those $50 fines should be paid to the order of Miss Banshee.

Accidental Housewife

for the win! Hell, yes regular feature!


Me too! I vote Regular Feature, please!!

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