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Project Runway Recap - Pregnancy Chic

Project+Runway+Season+6+Episode2+judges Last week on Project Runway, we said good-bye to our first designtestant from planet K-512, Ari. Since Ari was clearly the most loony tunes designer, I was worried I'd be bored this week, but then I realized I'd forgotten all about Malvin what with the disco soccer balls and sheer caftans of yesterweek.

I don't know about you, but while the transition to Lifetime has not been awful, I miss New York, and I think Tim does, too. I miss the skyline, the Atlas Apartments, Parsons, and a time when Tim Gunn seemed less weary. Maybe he's sun-baked or maybe it's because the designers all appear to be a bit needier than usual, but for the last two weeks, poor Tim has looked like a daycare worker who needs a very stiff cocktail.

But we can talk about Tim later. Let's get down to French tacks, boys and girls! Oh, look, I knowed a sewing term like "French tacks" even though I don't sew! Somebody tell Christopher!

In the Not!Atlas! condos, the girls express shock at Ari's departure, which makes me wonder whether a) they actually saw Ari's outfit and, b) whether they forgot that this is a competition show and not Designer Summer Camp. People go home, folks. The remaining contestants all resolve to step up their game and I'm so bored already I'm actually ready for another All About Steve TV spot. I'm more bored than Nina.

On the runway, Heidi tells the designers that for today's challenge, they will design for a celebrity. A model, and TV/film actress, to be exact. Then, a very pregnant silhouette appears and reveals to be Rebecca Romijn, knocked up with, not one, but two little Jerry O'Connells. At this point I'm confused. Rebecca Romijn is an actress? Okay, if you call wearing five gallons of blue paint and playing a character as wooden and stoic as a Keanu Reeves ventriloquist dummy acting, then sure, my bad. Rebecca's lips also appear to be pregnant with collagen twins, but I know you can sometimes gain weight in weird places when you're pregnant, right?

The designers do some designing and sketching —no handstands this week!— and then they're off to Mood, which is when I usually go get my ice cream out of the fridge. I'm sorry if the part where the designers run around cutting fabric is, like, really riveting for you, but I feel that my Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream was more important than your need to vicariously experience a mad dash for bolts of silk organza.

I did catch Shirin pulling out what I thought to be a very questionable floral print fabric, and raised an eyebrow from behind the freezer door.

The designers get to work, and I realize I haven't heard anything about Christopher's lack of training and Johnny's meth addiction. I quickly realize they must be safe from both elimination and a top-three spot tonight. 

Malvin discusses his concept with those of us at home. Focusing on the idea of fertility, his design will draw its inspiration from a mother hen and her egg. Aww, it's been nice knowing you, Mal. Look, I know it's not fair to assume things about people, but I think it's pretty safe to say that Malvin has never actually had a conversation with a woman who wasn't a size 0 model, because I can't think of a single woman who wants to be reminiscent of either a chicken or an egg at any stage in her life, but particularly not at her biggest and most vulnerable. When he tells Tim he will be pairing his burlap egg sack with jodhpurs to resemble chicken legs, Tim has a hard time not smacking his head, I can tell. 

Mitchell's plan is pretty much to make sure his model is wearing clothes. He will accomplish this by making shorts that are big enough for all of the models to wear at once, and then he's gonna cince them in with a pregnancy band. I'm sure that will be just lovely, Mitch.

Louise is designing a cute little flapper nightie. I'm impressed that she dyed her own lace, but I wonder if another color might have diminished the negligee feel it has on her dummy.

Shirin is making a dress and a coat, and now I realize the probably intends that floral print for a jacket lining. When Tim comes around to admire her work, her dress appears to be nearly finished. It's simple, a dark plum color, but it looks comfortable and chic. She's done some beautiful lattice smocking under the bust and asymmetrical draping on one shoulder. When she tells Tim she will be making a coat to go with the dress, Tim advises her to make sure it's the right coat.

Ra'Mon has apparently drawn his inspiration from a bowling bag. He thinks the color blocking on his design is slimming to the belly, but I think he forgot to turn his mannequin to the side. Had he done so, he'd realize it actually looks like a purple torpedo.

Althea tells Tim she's making a dress for a luncheon, but Tim gives her that little eyebrow thing he does, because despite being made from black jersey, he thinks it's far too elegant for daytime wear. Rather than shorten it, he suggests she keep it long and go with the evening scenario. Good call. And seriously, I would like to heavily encourage the use of jersey in evening wear, because I like it when my fancy clothes feel like jammies.

Like Shirin, Johnny is making a dress and jacket combo, but the jacket is like a bolero and the fabric is appallingly matronly. I've seen hipper mother-of-the-groom boleros. Qristyl tells the camera how fugly it is and I start to warm up to her until she takes it back and says, "that was mean." Oh, Qrispy Qreme, haven't you watched the show before? Bitches get shit done! Bitches win!

Which is why I think Nicolas is totally going to take the prize this year. He smarms that nobody's look is chic or elegant, with such a bitchy sneer that I start to wonder how someone with a Prince Valiant pageboy 'do actually pulls off being that bitchy about other people's taste. Maybe you should start with the man in the mirror, Nicolas, and ask him to change his hair.

On day two, as the designers finish their work, Logan starts hammering leather with a mallet, and Ra'Mon remarks that it's like Leatha Stella is back. Sigh. I wish we had her kind of crazy this season instead of what we have, which is Malvin. He has decided his chicken-egg concept needs to be more literal, which I'm sure is exactly what Tim meant when he told him not to be too costumey. 

As Mitchell sews the pregnancy band into his Bozo the Clown shorts, he realizes he's gathered too much, but I frankly think he made the shorts too wide and short in the first place. The result is heartbreaking - tan culotte booty shorts that are shorter on the sides than the front and back. The only thing that can save Mitchell this week is the fact that Malvin's belly sling is a far greater train wreck. 

Blah blah L'Oreal makeup and Garnier Fructis hair. Blah blah Macy's accessory wall! Aaaand runway.

Princess Michael Kors and his cowhide complexion are missing from the judge's panel this week, replaced by designer Monique Lhuillier, making an all female, all-maternal panel. I suppose that makes sense.

As the models come down the runway, I'm noticing a lot of black leggings. Qris Qristofferson's garment is very drapey, very Rami, but the color is awful. Nicolas's black dress is nice, but rides up on his model, which he notices. Irina, Logan and Gordana all do garments I've pretty much forgotten - neither offensive nor memorable.

Louise's nightgown is still a bit nightgowny, but it's cute, sexy, and very feminine. Althea has made a beautiful gown, but the bodice is far too sparse for anyone with swollen pregnancy boobs to comfortably wear. Ra'Mon's bowling bag dress is not only unflattering, but the fabric is all wrong, and it gaps and puckers as his model walks the catwalk. He is SO lucky there's so many hot messes to choose from this week.

Epperson's model comes down the runway in all white, wearing a loose white jacket with a skinny black belt over white pants. To be honest, it looks a bit like a karate gi, until he takes off the jacket. BAM! PANTSUIT. I want to vomit, and then Miss Banshee insists that the pantsuit is fierce, and I check us in for couple's counseling, because I'm not sure we can survive such a fundamental difference in opinion on something as important as pantsuits. Epperson says that he thinks his pantsuit is not tacky, and I think that just doesn't compute. No! Pantsuits! Ever! Epperson also gets lucky he pulled out the pantsuit on the day of the burlap Snugglie.

Shirin's coat is gorgeous, and when she opens it to reveal that pattern I was so skeptical of, and the beautiful lattice-smocked dress she made to match, I immediately want to be impregnated with Jerry O'Connell's twins and have this outfit in three different colors.

Project_Runway_Season6_Episode2_Shirin_Askari

I kinda blacked out on first viewing when Mitchell's model came down the runway, so I forget what order he came, but I do remember Mr. Snarky Amber remarking on those culottes: "She looks like she's crowning." And then I might have snorted ice cream out my nose, which, as an aside, is quite painful.

Malvin's outfit is no better than it was on his mannequin. It looks like a black tank top with feathers and a pair of black capris, with a burlap toga wrapped too-tightly around the belly.

Project_Runway_Season6_Episode2_Malvin_Vien

At judging, Heidi smarms that Mitchell's garments looked like she sewed them herself, and she can't sew. They are perplexed my Malvin's white linen sling and while they don't mention his hair, I think I can tell that has them pretty bewildered too.

It's pretty easy in these earlier challenges to tell who is safe and who is in the top and bottom when Heidi starts calling out names, and when she called out Malvin, Mitchell, Ra'Mon, Shirin, Louise, and Althea, I knew we were looking at the top and bottom before Heidi sent the mediocre designers back.

Shirin is the winner, of course, and she dances off the runway to celebrate her immunity in the next challenge. I have to say, I think she's a very adorable dark horse. Initially, I thought Shirin would make a couple cute but boring dresses and then get aufed when the competition thinned a little, but she's definitely one to watch, despite her exceptionally sweet disposition, a sweeter, younger Laura Bennett.

Ra'Mon is told he's safe this week despite the Brunswick bag he put on his model, leaving Malvin to defend his chicken egg, and Mitchell to answer for the "pregnant mess" he sent down the runway. Malvin is sent packing, and Mitchell is warned that he squeaked by.

Malvin says goodbye to the designers, sighing that he was just too conceptual for America. Malvin, you're too conceptual for Yoko Ono.

Next week, Amalah will be back with her Tivo and her much more comprehensive and amusing recaps. Ta!







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Comments

KBO

Ugh. Get some actual pregnant chicks to model. Those girls looked flat ridiculous.

I just tweeted how much Malvin bugged, and then he got the boot. I shall do this for any other annoyance that emerges. However, he should not have gotten the boot, despite is ridiculosity. That other dude has been a twice epic fail.

Lisa

This season should be titled "Begone Ye Crazies!"

First Ari, now Malvin. Next gone, I predict will be Meth Head Johnnie or My Mom Can't Spell Qristal.

Suzy Q

I wonder what Ari would have done with this challenge.

Is Malvin a guy? I'm still kinda stuck on that puzzlement. In any event, I guess it's because I've never been pregnant that I didn't think his outfit was all that bad. His concept was krazee, but the execution wasn't so bad. I can totally see those women who give birth in the dolphin pool wearing this on a casual outing to the vegan farmers' market.

Shirin rocked it. That lattice smocking was amazing!

I cannot believe that Ramon (I rEfu'Se to spell his name that way) didn't get axed. Seriously, that dress was conceptually SO awful and executed so very badly, he deserved to go. Plus, you just know when he gets canned there will be DRAMZ!

Rebecca Romijn's lips WERE very puffy but so was her whole face, so I'm not making any judgments. Although, when it was she who walked out, I was all "Supermodel?" When was she ever a supermodel?

Qriminy! I need a drink, too.

ali

seriously...*I* could have made better shorts with some cloth and some scotch tape than Mitchell made with a sewing matching and, you know, supposed skills.

Merit

All I could think of when Epperson's white jumpsuit emerged was that it was going to get extremely dirty on the bathroom floor as the pregnant wearer had to slide it completely down for the umpteenth time. Maybe it comes with it's own catheter bag? Because seriously, if you are THAT pregnant? You are peeing a lot.

Julie

It really bothered me how very few outfits were actually wearable.

Hello designers, pregnant women NEED to wear bras, it's not optional. Spaghetti straps, halter tops, deep v necks, etc. pretty much useless.

Snarky Amber

Seriously. I've never been pregnant, but I've seen how much my friends' girls have swelled in pregnancy, and it's not comfortable. Althea's dress made it impossible for any kind of bra to go under it - even a backless strapless bra would show, and as far as I know, there's no such thing in maternity sizes anyway.

funda62

Oh I think I enjoyed this column as much as the show. Too funny. Most of the outfits would have worked for one day of pregnancy and the next day your boobs would have been popping out or your tummy too big. Not true maternity wear except maybe Shirin's.

I really think Mitchel should have gone. He had two days to make a freaking pair of shorts that even novice sewers can pop out in 2 hours. When he saw how huge the things were he didn't even think of recutting them? Anyway I think they kept him on for the drama.

mouthy_broad (michele)

rebecca romijn is an actress! multiple movies! stars in ugly betty! that is certainly a lot more acting cred than most other people that get "actor" under their name on tv. why so harsh against her?




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