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Quit Trying to Make Pop Songs Out of Jingles

Subway_five_dollar_foot_longRemember in Mean Girls, how Gretchen Wieners, Toaster Strudel Heiress, kept trying to make, "fetch" happen? As in, "That is SO fetch!" Until finally Regina George told her, "Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen! It's not going to happen!"

That's how I'm starting to feel about commercials that try to make their jingles into pop culture institutions.

Previous perpetrators of this nonsense included Safe Auto Insurance and Free Credit Report. Safe Auto had a series of commercials featuring their, "1 800 Safe Auto, pick up the phone the call is free! Play it safe! Safe Auto!" song, eventually culminating in commercials that displayed the company's assumption that the jingle's irritating earworm qualities meant that people really liked the song. Commercials equated it to a pop hit, showing people requesting the song of DJs and playing a Rock Band-esque version.

Free Credit Report's jingle is, admittedly, not quite as horrible, but it's still annoying. I was slightly alarmed when a group of kids at my son's after-school program performed a Free Credit Report commercial as their talent for the talent show. I just think it's kind of odd that bad credit is such a fact of life that elementary school kids know the theme song.

The latest target of my rage is Subway. Their $5 Footlong campaign has gone on for far too long and the incessant chanting of, "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlooooooooong," now triggers violent tendencies in me. That they've recently started airing man-on-the-street type commercials (which I can't find online...maybe they're local?) with giggling construction workers and business casual drones performing the song, as though this was the cheery soundtrack to sammitch-eating, makes me even more irritated, for some reason.

Admittedly, I am slightly biased against Subway because that distinct smell of their shop and food, the smell that remains exactly the same when it escapes your body in the form of farts, made me sick when I was pregnant and I've never quite gotten over it. So maybe I'm just jealous that I can't get in on the $5 footlong action without barfing, because lord knows I could use a cheap meal. But honestly I think it's time to retire that crap before I start beating people with their Cold Cut Combo on Hearty Italian.

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Subway smells like farts.

I think we can blame Kit Kat for this phenomenon.


I have to say.. I prefer the jingle-berry pop song to the turning a classic song of my youth into a commercial.

No, children... "Tax Man" was not written for H&R Block (or whoever). It's the freaking Beatles and it was bastardized by some corporation... and considering the MEANING of that song, that's just all kinds of wrong!

No, children... "Anyway you want it" by Journey is not about car dealers and their fantastic interest rates! It's about awesomely cheesy 80's music.

I can relate to wanting to destroy an annoying earworm such as "five dollar footlongs", but without jingles, they are going to rob the soundtrack of my youth to sell crap. Unacceptable!


I can't say I've seen the $5 footlong ad, but I can say that the term "fourthmeal" drives me insane.

Also the Fry's ads, that always end in the screaming refrain, "Your best buys...ARE ALWAYS AT FRY'S!!!!" They may be regional, but they have me scrambling to change the station. Like nails on a chalkboard.


Ever since they started "baking their own bread", I have had to hold my breath when passing a subway.


I can't lie... I love Subway and I find those commercials hilarious. I think the people-on-the-street ads are great. Usually I'm the first to point out a bad commercial (hello, I'm in B-school) but those always make me giggle. I think it's the dirty connotation of a footlong. And the accompanying hand gesture.


I am now going to have that *(&)(*%^$% Subway commercial "song" in my head for the rest of the day THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HATE the subway commercial(s). (although that one is better than the stupid ones with the cartoon monkey they show here in Canada)(no jingle for that one, just stabby-inducing stupidity).


I gotta admit - my kids and I sing the "F-to-the-R-to-the-E-to-the-E..." song from freecreditreport.com pretty often. It's very clever.


I have a friend who is about 10 yrs younger than I am, and she was homeschooled and very sheltered as a kid. We were on a road trip once, and the song "Venus" (Bananarama's version) came on. And she actually said, "OMG! How funny! They made a whole song around that razor commercial!?"


Ok, I just came back from a holiday to America and Canada (I'm Australian) and I have to admit: I was completely hooked on those Free Credit Report commercials! They were kind of the highlight of my TV-watching over there


I hate Subway, too. I used to work at a bank, and one of my co-workers also worked at the Subway next door. She would do a shift at Subway, then do a shift at the bank. And she would smoke on her walk over. So the combo of onions, peppers, baked bread, and cigarette smoke made me want to wretch.

I can't eat Subway, and I can barely shop in Walmarts that have Subway's in them. Why did you do that Walmart, WHY!!!?!??!


I kind of like the Free Credit Report guys, but I'm with TasterSpoon about "Fourthmeal", that just sounds gross.
I always find myself staring at the tv when the 5 dollar foot long jingle comes on...with confusion...I just don't get how this is fun to sing and it definitely doesn't make me want to run out an get one!




I must go back to Jack in the Box's Meaty Cheesy Boys commercial. Remember that one? "Girl you know that it's one thing that I love/But it's not you I'm thinking of/I want the Ultimate Cheeseburger/Break it down!/Cheese meat cheese cheese meat and that's it/Baby you know it's hot and juicy/Cus Jack won't make it till you order it/When I say meat, you say cheese/Meat! Cheese! Meat! Cheese!"

That came out when I was in high school, and eight years later, I still remember every word. That's the power of advertising right there. Of course, I never actually ate one of those things so I'm not sure what ole Jack accomplished.

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