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Somebody Get This Giant Rat-Eating Plant a TV Deal Quick!

Anna_Paquin Before I go any further, I'd just like to remind everyone of how I predicted two weeks ago that the box office take for G.I. Joe would drop 58% on the second weekend.  So now the numbers are in, and how much it did drop?

58%.

HOW YA LIKE ME NOW, THE FUTURE? YOU'S MA BETCH.

Okay, so have you seen this giant rat-eating plant? Is this giant rat-eating plant the future of show business?  Bear in mind that I've pretty much got my foot on the future's neck here.

The rumours are true: explorers or something have discovered Nepenthes attenboroughii, a pitcher plant found in the Philippines that's so large it could and probably would eat a rat.  That's right, a big stinking rat.  Bigger than John Tesh's head even.

The explorers didn't name it rattus eatius or something, obviously.  They named it "in gratitude" after British naturalist and actor Sir David Attenborough.  Generous Sir David was touched, saying that the nepenthes are "very dramatic plants".

I agree with Sir David Attenborough (and usually I'm drawing pictures of coffins with the words "Attenborough Goes Here" above the coffin, with a big arrow pointing at the coffin, so you can imagine how heartily I'm agreeing with the guy here).

That is one dramatic pitcher plant.  If you put some Chiclety little teeth in there I'd have trouble telling it apart from Anna Paquin.  In fact, I predict that in the third season of True Blood, producers will attempt to cut costs by replacing Ms. Paquin with a big green rat-eating pitcher plant.  Imagine the possibilities.

SOOOKEHHH! MAH RAT IS MISSEN!

Beel, I told yew not to place that rat in mah mouth.

SOOKEH. AH AM VAMPIRE. WE TREASUH OUR RATS.

Beel, we pitcher plants have powerful dah-gestive enzahms, don't yew remember?

Next week, I will tell you the long and thrilling story of how I became the world's most celebrated pop culture columnist. And how I traded it all in one day at a dry goods store. For a jar of coffee creamer and a pack of matches.







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Comments

ozma

58%?!? Who's going to win the Preakness? Win place show Kentucky Derby? Microsoft! Buy or sell?

Why are you not rich?

Holy little shop of horrors Batman! People think plants are like sitting around doing nothing, being all innocent. The secret plant plot is to kill us all. Tobacco and sugar cane are their hit men. Plants are NOT the innocents they pretend to be. Just ask Marky Mark.

Sweetney

Oh my god, i just wet myself.

schmutzie

You are the bomb diggety.

BaltimoreGal

We need these in Baltimore toute suite!

ljpock

Excellent unexpected TB reference. 2 snaps up.

Somedayphd

Hey! This is weird, but I think I know you. Send me an email.

Somedayphd

sorry at gee mail dot com.

Palinode

I just needed a place where I could type out "AH AM VAMPIRE".

Sweetney

I agree. Let's drag Palinode to Vegas (again!) and let him pick all the numbers.

Sweetney

Actually that's "AH AM VAMPYYYYYYYR," but I'll let that slide. http://www.sweetney.com/linkblog/2009/08/eric-is-not-amused.html

Snarky Amber

I have just LOLed more than I thought it was possible to LOL at anything on the internet. I love you, dude.




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