
This Week in Nekkid "Celebrities"
Celebrities are funny creatures. They have fine designer clothing worth tens of thousands of dollars that people are constantly asking about with cries of, "who are you wearing?" Yet so many seem to have trouble actually wearing those clothes when there's a camera around. This week brought us never-before-seen nude photos of Twilight's Ashley Greene and High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens, with both actresses crying foul and "thief."
From the Pulitzer-award* winning US Magazine: "Although the racy photos that made it into the mag are PG-13 (she’s wearing skimpy lingerie or a tiny bikini), she says she’ll strip down completely after getting more plastic surgery. 'The body is a beautiful creation. If anything, the reason I didn’t show everything is because I plan to get a few more upgrades.'"
Ah, yes, Heidi, the human body is indeed a beautiful thing, particularly when its every protrusion is modified by science to no longer resemble actual human parts and then Photoshopped into hairless, poreless, plastic oblivion. And then covered in mud or mineral oil for extra measure.
Now, we could spend hours taking apart that statement by Heidi in which she discusses the notion of the body as beautiful creation and the possibility of upgrading such a creation in the same breath. We could go on to have a deep, theological discussion about whether the human body is beautiful because God made it, or if it is in fact more beautiful that humans—made in God's image—can improve themselves through science to be hotter than God could have ever imagined in his wildest fantasies. And that would be totally fun and we should totally do that some time for sure, but I think we should table that discussion for later so we can instead look at these photos lifted from HuffPost and gag in unison.
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Totally gag-a-rific. I especially hate her face in that 2nd pic.
Posted by: iambellaluna | August 13, 2009 at 02:16 PM
Fleshbeard Spencerpants! Fleshbeard Spencerpants!
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | August 13, 2009 at 02:28 PM
She looks like Tori Spelling in that 2nd pic! HA!
She is hypocritical in every possible way. And a walking, talking oxymoron, too. Or...perhaps she's just a moron? ;)
Posted by: DianaCLT | August 13, 2009 at 02:38 PM
I totally thought she looked like Tori Spelling too! Haha.
Posted by: Gaby | August 13, 2009 at 02:52 PM
How come a piece that should have kind of said to VH and AG that "dude if you don't want to get your naked disney behind posted all over the internets stop taking pictures and sending them over totally non-secure lines and stop yelling victim" (deep breath) turn into dude Hiedi and spencer suck...we know they suck but she isn't saying boo hoo poor me (at least this time)
cause I totally hate their awfulness too but I think the more interesting story here are the "oh crap my naked sexy time pics got *stolen* please please don't look at them BUT continue to look at me now" twins
Posted by: Natalie | August 13, 2009 at 02:57 PM
Heidi also said in the same interview she wants bigger implants for Spencer. I already think her implants are too gigantico for her small frame. What does the bible say about giant impants? I hope she gets constant backaches from her giant rack.
Posted by: JellyBean | August 13, 2009 at 03:30 PM
Hey, Natalie! You are totally welcome to write that piece and post it in your own blog, or read it in the gabillion gossip sites that have already pointed that out to Ashley and Vanessa this week.
Posted by: Snarky Amber | August 13, 2009 at 04:34 PM
Why why WHY do that horrible pair of non-celebrities "kiss" without REMOTELY actually kissing? Ugh, they are VILE
Posted by: Bec | August 13, 2009 at 06:09 PM
That would smudge themz lipgloss, silly!
Posted by: AmyC65 | August 13, 2009 at 06:56 PM
Please tell me that by "upgrades" she means doing something about those dead, dead eyes.
Posted by: Julie | August 14, 2009 at 02:44 PM
Can Heidi not breathe through her nose? Her mouth is ALWAYS OPEN. Ew.
Posted by: Erin | August 14, 2009 at 05:36 PM
The only way I could be more repulsed is if Spencer was in Playgirl too.
Wait, did I just summon that idea into the world?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Sweetney | August 15, 2009 at 01:50 PM
*hork*
If this happens, I will hold you personally responsible and pray that you be banished to a life of contrition in a hell dimension where everyone but you is a naked Spencer Pratt. Go knock on something wooden and throw some salt over your shoulder, lady.
Posted by: Snarky Amber | August 16, 2009 at 10:30 PM