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Worst News Ever: Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger ARE Dating

Bradley-cooper-renee-zellweger-spain-2 Well, it turns out that Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger are an item after all. Sure they haven't made an official announcement, but they're getting awfully cozy on their getaway to Spain, and there's photos and video to prove it. Plus, why else would I be laying in bed all day crying and swigging vodka while wrapped in my 'Hangover' poster?

I didn't really give much thought to Bradley Cooper until I saw him in 'The Hangover.' After I watched him in all his bad-boy hotness, I became a huge fan and proclaimed him the greatest actor of all time. Then I had his face tattooed on my back, changed my middle name to Mrs. Cooper and commissioned a sculptor to do a life-sized bronze of Bradley that I've turned into a shrine in my backyard. Some people think I've gone overboard and should back off, but I say if you're going to let a stupid restraining order get in your way then it isn't really love.

And why Renee? Somehow it didn't seem so bad when Bradley was having those late-night, romantic dinners with Jennifer Aniston. Renee strikes me as more of the settling down type, which means that at any moment Bradley could be taken off the market. First it's Spain, and then the next thing you know the two lovebirds are registering at Crate and Barrel for crêpe pans and buying layette sets together at Baby Gap. It's enough to make a girl get her tattoo removed.

(Of course, I would wish them all the happiness in the world and wouldn't think of doing anything stupid like crank calling Bradley pretending to be a health worker with some news about a contagious disease Renee might have.)

But just to keep my husband from filing those papers, I'm trying to get a handle on my Bradley Cooper obsession. And I think I'm seeing the light! After some careful thought and a few hours spent digging through past issues of Oprah, I have to admit that the fact that both Renee and Jennifer are hot for Bradley may be what made me take notice in the first place. It's like a dog that doesn't seem hungry until another dog comes sniffing around his bone. His nice, big, juicy, well-proportioned bone. 

Sorry, I just can't help myself. Here's the video for you to watch. Me, I'll be over here hugging my statue.







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Comments

tonya

This can only mean one thing: He's Gay. Renee's his beard.

Jennie

Oh, this IS sad news. Totally agree, by the way, it didn't seem so bad when it was Jen. BUT THIS? THIS IS NOT OKAY.

colleen

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels that way about restraining orders! HA! I seriously laughed my ass off reading this.

Account Deleted

i'm going to go ahead and say what my crazed inner voice is thinking - it's not them! that video reminds me of the ones of Big Foot, all grainy and from far away, which means there's no way Bradley is cheating on you with Renee. don't remove your back tattoo yet, there still maybe hope!

Tracey

Have been hot for him since his Alias days. Nothing says hit new movie than a hot actress on your arm.

Cheeky Lotus

Bradley = HOT

Renee = ANNOYING AS HELL

Sarah

You should watch Alias...

BaltimoreGal

That was my first thought!

sweatpantsmom

Well, that makes me feel better about the fact that he won't return my calls.

Christina

LOL! I really enjoyed reading this. I am also on the verge of an intervention from friends and the hubby for my Bradley Cooper addiction. I think him & Renee dating is the worst news ever also, and for more reasons than one. Not only because she is not me or I am not her, but because her face is busted. There I said it, sorry, but it's true. I don't know if she is the settling down type though...she was married for only 4 months. Then again, so was Bradley...yikes. I do not think he is gay, like some people are saying. Though it would explain it, since I cannot think of a logical explanation why he would want to be with her. BARF. I am going with one of two notions...it's is a temporary fling OR it is a celeb publicity stunt to get press on them since they have a movie coming out. A movie that was filmed almost 3 years ago and no ones cared about until now cuz the world woke up and realized Bradley Cooper is amazing. Renee's "people" probably are drugging him , so he will date her and get her some press, since the last piece of shit movie she made practically went straight to video and no one likes her when she is skinny. She needs to get chubbed up again, make another Bridget movie and get her wrinkly skeleton hands off of Bradley's ass!!!!!!!!!!

sweatpantsmom

Okay, now I just want to punch her.

http://tinyurl.com/pdudnr

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry

Why does she have a ponytail in every single photo? I mean, I wear a ponytail because I'm a mom who doesn't work outside the home and I don't have a stylist. She? Has a stylist. (and doesn't have kids and is wearing 4 inch heels.)

Her ponytail? It makes me angry.

Okay. Maybe I'm jealous, too.

indycitygirl

CANNOT.STAND.LEMON MCSQUEEZY.FACE.I dont know why but I just want to smack that stupid look off her face

Sweetney

"Some people think I've gone overboard and should back off, but I say if you're going to let a stupid restraining order get in your way then it isn't really love."

snort.

Oh but this post made my day.




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