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Friday Eye Candy: Super Special Wednesday Cougar Bait Edition!

Friday_eye_candyBecause why wait until Friday to contemplate cougar bait?Stefania (aka CityMama) and Cat (aka BadKitty) are loud and proud 40whatevers and clever girls, and their taste in young men, as you'll see, sometimes runs to the controversial (note well - nary a Cullen among their choices. I KNOW.) Herewith, courtesy of Stefania and Cat: cougar bait!

Take it away, ladies...

You know what's creepier than being 40-whatever and having crushes on men half our age? NOTHING! And yet, thanks to Anne Bancroft, who was younger than we are now when she vamped it up as Mrs. Robinson (best. hair. ever.), we think it's okay to admit  that we're crushin' just a little bit (we're not proud, okay?) on these dudes. Dudes who are so young, so pretty...and in 4 out of 5 cases, so incredibly puerile and vapid that we just...just want them to shut up and look pretty. 

If we were real cougars instead of The Internet's De Facto Cougar Experts, we might date men who were born when we were in college. But really? We're not that patient. We're also FORTY, with all the confidence and self-acceptance that goes with it, so we'd have no problem telling Zac Efron that he's not actually standing in wind even though his hair makes him look that way so get a shampoo and haircut already.

To paraphrase Sherri Shepherd, we're old enough to be these dudes' more experienced, patient lovers, but having just admitted to the whole world that we find these guys attractive, we'll just slink off into a corner with our vodka drinks and hide.


James Franco. Obviously he's adorable, with the smile and crinkly eyes. Add in smart: He's in Columbia's graduate filmmaking program and wrote a book, which you know kicks the ass of gummy Ethan Hawke's lame book. Plus talented: He can do drama, comedy, romantic lead, stoner. He's got the full range. Oh! And he paints, which gives him that dirty fingernail thing without actually having to engage in manual labor. And he's pee your pants funny! Have you seen Acting With James Franco on Funny or Die? Where he totally taunts his little brother while "explaining" acting? Then there is his bravery, playing gay roles in Milk and Howl, the Alan Ginsberg biopic, even though he's not ... oh, wait, maybe he is. Shit.


Rain (sometimes known as Bi). The only thing creepier than us finding that our body temperatures go up about 10 degrees when we watch Rain dance, is knowing that he has the same effect on our mothers. Yes, one of our mothers did buy tickets to his recent concert and may send us random pictures and YouTube videos of Rain dancing from time to time. Speaking of which, you must to watch the Rain vs. Stephen Colbert DDR Dance Off. The only thing that could have made this better is if Rain were shirtless.  Okay, and since we're oversharing, Colbert, too. (At least he's legal. And he can dance, who knew?)


Zac Efron. We may have seen 17 Again more than one time, but we'd never admit it. The opening 5 minutes where we see Zac doing a medley of 90's dance steps to "Bust a Move" is worth the price of admission.  And him growing up to be the freshly-turned 40 Matthew Perry? Ain't a bad thing. (BK: Except for the pill addiction - we hate dudes who steal our Ativan. CM: Didn't your friend steal Matthew Perry's underwear and give it to you? BK: And his Blockbuster card, but that's different. He didn't have to order a new Blockbuster card from Canada. CM: He might, his mother's Canadian. BK: Do think he'd get us some Ativan next time he visits her? CM: Um, I don't think you can get it there, but I'm sure he'll be stocking up in Mexico any day now.) Again, take Zac off the screen and we couldn't be bothered. We're the high maintenance ones around here, and don't you forget it.


Levi Johnston. What is it about mullet-sporting, hockey-playing, deer-hunting, ring-tattoo-having hillbillies who are on minute 14 of their 15 minutes of fame? Swooooooon. Kathy Griffin taking him as her date to the Teen Choice Awards? Brilliant. And see? We aren't the only ones.


Kevin Federline. But a very specific Kevin Federline.  Not the K-Fed with Britney.  Not the K-Fed of now, we mean the Coverboy Back-up Dancer K-Fed that starred in that GQ spread a couple three years ago, and ONLY that K-Fed. What can we say. We're suckers for black and white photos and facial hair, as long as the razor isn't set to "pussy."

(Editor's note: Right. So, NOT the K-Fed above. Apparently all photo evidence of the old K-Fed self-destructed the minute that he started calling himself PIMP, because I could neither open the picture that our lovely guests attached, nor could I find a replacement. So. Sorry for making you look.)

**Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) and Cat Lincoln (Bad Kitty) alternately mock and delight in turning The Big 4-0 on their humor blog 40 Whatever and founded Clever Girls Collective along with their partner Sheila Bernus Dowd.

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I loves me some James Franco. He had me at James Dean. And now I will not get any work done for the rest of the afternoon because I'll be distracted by his Funny or Die videos. Great!

RookieMom Heather

I agree with Jill. I have to go now to spend the rest of the day watching FOD videos.


Not of these guys do it for me today...so tired

Fawn Amber

I am so glad I am not the only woman over thirty who thinks Zefron is drool-worthy. Slurp.

Why no Taylor Lautner?? Dude! K-Fed instead? Nay.


I remember that KFed they were talking about. He was in a suit, right? And really clean looking. He was, I hate to admit it, kind of hot.

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