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True Blood Recap: Frenzy

Trueblood09_55_thOh, kids, can I just go ahead and grovel some more for not recapping yesterday? Seriously, it hurt. But now we're back and all is right with the world.

Let's first address the dumb look Bill has on his face when he walks into the Queen's mansion and is greeted by the Queen and her midnight snack. Has Bill not been a vampire for over 100 years? Is this a new sight for him? Come on, Bill. Quit acting like such an amateur.

Evanblood Bill clears his throat and asks if this is a bad time. Queen Sophie-Anne pulls herself away from the young woman's thighs and grins a bloody grin at Bill. Her fangs look especially long.

At Bill's house, Hoyt pulls Jessica off of his mom. Jessica protests that Mrs. Fortenberry was saying too many nasty things but Hoyt shouts that she's his mama and she gets to. To dig the knife in a little further, Hoyt adds that he should have listened to Vampire Bill about Jessica. Ouch. Now, I realize that witnessing your girlfriend go at your mom's neck would be a jarring experience for anyone, but the incident might give fuel to anyone's beliefs that Hoyt is, in fact, a wimp and a mama's boy. Hoyt grabs his mother and leaves, despite the fact that the debauched version of Mrs. Fortenberry kinda liked her experience with the business end of Jessica's fangs. After they leave, Jessica slams the door shut and then screams and cries the way any girl would if she had her heart broken in such a spectacular manner. Just, you know, with bloody tears.

Sophie-anne2 At the mansion, Sophie-Anne is poo-pooing Bill's discomfort with her lifestyle and calls him a snob. And snobs, you see, have tiny souls or tiny penises or sometimes both. She offers Bill something to eat, in particular a young Latvian man who is delicious and the taste of whom reminds her of what humans used to taste like back before the Industrial Revolution screwed them up. She prefers free-range organic humans, not those from factories, dammit! But Bill wants to ask her about Maryann. Sophie-Anne is really not impressed with Maryann or any maenads. However, she does note that Maryann can't be killed because she has convinced herself that she is immortal. Bill doesn't follow so Sophie-Anne explains that everything that exists imagined itself into existence, particularly maenads. Bill asks if that isn't delusional, but Sophie-Anne notes that he should never underestimate the power of blind faith. The Queen also gives a brief, but fascinating, tutorial on the ancient origins of maenads, explaining that young girls who were beyond frustrated in arranged marriages with older men would not have been able to resist a new religion that finally lets them do what they want. Their faith was strong enough to make them immortal. Bill notes that when he bit Maryann, her blood poisoned him. Sophie-Anne explains that that's evolution. Maryann started out as human but isn't anymore, just like vampires. She tosses a casual sexual proposition toward Bill, but he refuses. That's fine by her since she hasn't enjoyed sex with men for a long time. I have to wonder if she's slept with Eric and how he rated. Anyway, she insists that Bill stay the night, er, day, pointing out that if Sookie were in danger, he would know. Plus, she wants him to better experience her day room, which is complete with fake sunny window scenes. It's good to be the Queen.

Tara is trying to convince Lafayette, Lettie Mae, and Sookie to let her go get Eggs, but the general consensus is that this is Bad Idea Jeans. Tara frantically protests that Sookie has the option of putting herself in danger for the man that she loves, but Sookie isn't prone to having blacked out eyes and eating hearts. The cries of Maryann's mob are getting closer, which puts the group further on edge. Lafayette tells Tara that he is not letting her go back to someone who beats her. He handcuffs Tara to the coffee table with a pair of furry, purple cuffs over her insulting protests that he is just jealous because she found love and he never will and hisses at Sookie that she had to settle for a dead man. I'm not a doctor, but I get the impression that Tara isn't really over Maryann's influence, because the stuff that she is saying is downright mean. Sookie and Lafayette take a shotgun and go stand guard on the porch. Lettie Mae cries which infuriates Tara.

At Merlotte's, Sam is explaining his shapeshifting abilities to Andy and Jason, who thinks that sounds pretty fucking cool. Sam urges them to leave and save themselves, but Jason protests that they have to be the law because this is Armageddon and they are responsible for the oral history of zombie war. Also, they need weapons, fuck yeah. Sam is somewhat disturbed by Jason's militia switch flipping on since this is Bon Temps and these are their friends they're talking about killing. Jason stoically answers that sometimes you have to destroy something to save it. "That's in the Bible...or the Constitution," he explains. Their war room is interrupted by some kids whispering outside. Sam follows them and realizes that they're Arlene's kids, who are dirty and starving. Jason and Andy hop into the truck and announce that they're going to the sheriff's office to arm themselves. "The time for thinking is over," says Jason. "It's time for action." Fuck yeah. Andy thinks maybe Sam's reservations to the holy zombie war are reasonable but Jason points out that he, not Sam, has been to a leadership conference and he, not Sam, has had paramilitary training, fuck yeah. That's reason enough for Andy, so they take off.

Lafayette stands on the porch with the shotgun and Sookie gets a text from Bill, telling her that he's staying at the Queen's. Sookie whines that the message took five hours to arrive and that as soon as Eric pays her, she's getting a new phone. Lafayette is surprised to hear that Sookie is also on Eric's payroll.

Inside, Tara is busy manipulating Lettie Mae with a stellar guilt trip. And, granted, Tara has a lot of fucked up life experiences to toss in Lettie Mae's face, but it all feels icky. But Tara promises that if Lettie Mae lets her go, she'll forgive her for everything. She ups the ante by telling Lettie Mae that she's never been a real woman of God because she's never done something selfless, but God is here knocking on her door. The irony here is that letting Tara go in exchange for forgiveness isn't exactly selfless, either.

Outside, Lafayette asks Sookie what Tara's head was like when she was possessed. Sookie says that there were no limits, that anything could happen and probably would, that Tara's insides were expanding but emptying out of everything at the center of her being and she didn't want that to stop. "Damn, that sounds nice," says Lafayette. Therein lies the rub. We all need that freedom from time to time, which is why people seek ecstasy through drinking or drugs or even religion. It's when that replaces existence that it becomes evil.

Sam feeds Arlene's kids and they sweetly ask him what is wrong with their mom. Sam says that he isn't sure but he thinks that she's sick. They ask if she's blind and he replies that it seems like she is sometimes. The kids are, of course, also concerned that their mom is going to die but Sam doesn't think that she will any time soon. Arlene's son says that he bets that a vampire would know what to do and maybe they should call up Vampire Bill.

True_blood_lettie_mae_tara Back on the porch fortress, Sookie asks Lafayette about his leg and he tells her that it's better than ever since Eric made him drink his blood. Sookie exclaims that Eric also made her drink his blood and that somebody needs to slap him. She asks Lafayette if he's had any weird dreams since then and Lafayette, obviously uncomfortable, asks how she would know about that. Sookie asks him what kind of dreams he has and he tells her that they're sex dreams that are both nasty and fantastic, which freaks him out because he hates Eric. Don't hate, Lafayette. Embrace the Eric freakiness! Lettie Mae runs out onto the porch, crying, and begs to take a turn standing guard since she can't stand to hear the horrible things that Tara is saying to her. Lafayette hands the shotgun over to her and she immediately fires a shot in the air. This triggers Lafayette's post-traumatic stress disorder (with the added vampire mind control twist) and he cowers behind a chair, trembling. Lettie Mae orders Sookie to hand over the keys to the handcuffs. Lafayette's episode gets worse as Lettie Mae transforms into Eric and he coos at Lafayette about the blood running through him and how being a vampire is like that times a million. Tara runs outside and Lettie Mae calls after her, "Don't forget I did this for you!" which seems like a guarantee that Lettie Mae is going to spend quite some time kicking herself. Tara asks Sookie for her car keys and Sookie hands them over, helpfully informing her friend that she is being a fucking idiot.

As they pull up to the sheriff's office, Andy and Jason discuss the possibility of Sam's bestiality. Inside, they are greeted by a zombified receptionist who would like nothing more than to pleasure Jason. Andy wants to remain focused on the task at hand but Jason hisses at him to quit with the cockblocking. Andy finds his way to the arsenal where he meets Sheriff Bud, who is no longer wearing pants and has taken to firing his gun and squaredancing. Always a good sign.

Sookie manages to break free from Lettie Mae by throwing a small statue at her head. Lafayette grabs the fun and they speed away while Lettie Mae shouts after them that it's not her fault, Tara made her do it.

Sam is sitting in the Fangtasia parking lot with Arlene's kids and they're asking questions about their dad. Sam spots Ginger walking up to the door and runs up to her. He asks about Eric and Ginger helpfully explains that Eric won't be there until after dark. Sam asks if he and the kids can wait inside, but Ginger insists that she can't let anyone in without Eric's permission. Sam's generous offer of $100 changes her mind and apparently even vampires pay their waitresses shittily.

Sookie and Lafayette are speeding toward her house. Lafayette won't allow Sookie to hold the shotgun because he doesn't want anyone pointing it but him. Sookie understands but warns Lafayette that when shit goes down with Maryann, he'll need to suck it up. Specifically, he'll need to shoot Maryann in the head. At least Sookie appears to have seen at least one zombie movies and has some inkling of how to handle the situation. But shouldn't Sookie have a shovel handy in case a beheading is in order?

Tara runs into the house and finds Eggs in the kitchen. She tries to hurry him out of there but Maryann appears and tells Tara that everything she wants is right there. Tara protests that she wants out but Maryann insists that it's too late. Tara says that Maryann doesn't want them, she wants Sam and they don't have anything to do with it, but Maryann notes that Tara summoned her during her exorcism with Miss Jeanette and the black-eyed child that Tara saw was what Tara saw of herself through Maryann. Tara stammers that that was fake, just some crazy ritual. Maryann protests that rituals are powerful and calling forth that kind of energy has consequences. Maryann vibrates a little but Tara shouts that that doesn't work on her anymore. So, instead, Maryann punches Tara and that does the trick. She and Eggs cackle and run upstairs.

With that crisis averted, Maryann's mob arrives to harsh her mellow by informing her that The God Who Comes came and he had horns and he smote Sam Merlotte and Sam's clothes fell to the ground all empty and do we get our Capri Suns and our ponies now? Maryann calls them fucking morons and makes this sound that causes them all to grab their heads and run screaming. "Must I do everything myself?" sighs Maryann.

At the sheriff's, Jason is embroiled in a moral dilemma since he doesn't have sex with women who are messed up but this receptionist is ready to go. Andy appears as a frenzied officer points his gun at Jason's head. The officer shoots Andy and just as Jason goes to return fire, Andy shows him the Kevlar vest that he's wearing. Fuck yeah.

At Hoyt's house, Mrs. Fortenberry is working on a candy bar, cheese, potato chip, and hot sauce casserole for The God Who Comes. Apparently, The God Who Comes is a Paula Deen devotee? Hoyt again tells her that he won't let her go back to Maryann because he won't let anything bad happen to her but Mrs. Fortenberry tells him that, in fact, he hasn't let enough bad happen to her. She continues with her verbal abuse, calling Hoyt a pansy and informing him that his dad wasn't a hero, that he was a secret drinker and perhaps a closet homosexual, judging by his affinity for dancing. Also, he didn't die protecting them from a burglar, but actually committed suicide. Mrs. Fortenberry lied so that they would get his life insurance.

True_blood_lafayette_sookie Sookie and Lafayette pull up to her house and marvel at the naked people dancing around the meat sculpture. I don't even want to know how badly that thing smells at this point. Sookie sighs that her gran lived and died in that house and now people who are the exact opposite of her are defiling it. She knew that there was something seriously off about Maryann, especially when she heard her thinking all kinds of creepy, foreign stuff. She asks Lafayette why there is so much wrong in the world and Lafayette explains that it's because people are weak. Sookie answers that she's not weak, that she's going to kick that evil bitch out of her house and Lafayette is going to shoot her in the head. Her manifesto is interrupted by Arlene and Terry who are perched in a tree above him. Their possession has made them all nimble as they expertly jump down from the tree. Lafayette lures them away by tossing MDMA at them and calling, "Here chicky chicky!" and Sookie makes her way to the house.

True_blood_eric At Fangtasia, Sam is appealing to Eric to help with the Maryann situation, explaining that he might be able to give him something that he needs. "Can you give me Sookie?" asks Eric, which makes Pam roll her eyes. Eric explains that he has no knowledge of the maenad but he thinks that she must be the horned creature that they chased when Sookie was recovering there. "That thing owes me a pair of pumps," says Pam. The kids ask Eric if they can see his fangs and he obliges them. They explain that their almost-stepdaddy hated vampires but he went on vacation with Jesus. Pam mutters in Swedish that she hates kids but Eric answers that they're delicious. Nice. Eric leads them out and Pam calls after him that she'll be smelling them for a week. Eric bids them good-night and then shoots straight up into the air. Sam orders the kids into the truck so that he can take them back to Bon Temps, because apparently what they'll witness there is less fucked up than anything that they would see at Fangtasia. Riiiiight.

Sookie tiptoes into her house and is greeted by the lady who has been pantsless for at least four episodes now. She has cut her own finger off to give as a present to The God Who Comes. Sookie makes her way to the kitchen where she sees a guy in the sink, babbling. Someone on the floor grabs her ankle and creepily asks her if she remembers when her gran was laying in that same spot all bloody and dead. "Of course I do," says Sookie. He drags Sookie down so that she will lay with him. She protests, of course, but the minions start screaming so she finally obliges. "You smell good," he says. "You don't. Not at all," replies Sookie. The guy then takes the level of inappropriate questions even further by asking Sookie how she could let Bill stick his dead pecker in her, as it's not natural or right. "You're in no position to say what is natural or right," Sookie points out.

Trueblood09_56_th At the mansion, Sophie-Anne has decked Bill out in swimming trunks and sunglasses. She insists that he choose something to eat from the lineup of gorgeous humans. He protests that he only feeds from Sookie, which apparently is a big faux pas as Sophie-Anne and her girlfriend look scandalized. Sophie-Anne insists that he feed from the Latvian guy that she was talking about earlier. The Latvian guy kneels before Bill and says, "I will have a sex with you." Bill sighs that that won't be necessary and sinks his teeth into the guy's neck.

Lafayette sneaks toward the house but is stopped by Maryann and Karl. Lafayette makes good on his word to Sookie and shoots, but Maryann deflects the bullet into Karl's head. Maryann is bummed about her loss, but looks at Lafayette and asks, "You cook, don't you?"

Bill is unable to hide his impatience during a game of Yahtzee at the Queen's. As he makes his way to leave, Sophie-Anne finally explains that maenads are still waiting for The God Who Comes but gods, of course, never show up because gods only exist in human minds like money and morality. The only way to defeat a maenad is to convince her that she has summoned Dionysus via the perfect vessel, which is usually a supernatural being (ie, Sam). The Queen is called away and her girlfriend, Hadley, asks Bill how her cousin Sookie and her gran are doing. Bill says it would be best for her to get in touch herself. The Queen returns and announces that Eric is here and Bill mutters that it is definitely time for him to go. The Queen scoffs at their alpha male posturing and that they should just fuck each other and get it over with. I have to say that the Queen has intriguing ideas. She sends Bill off, teasing him to enjoy his restricted diet and that she looks forward to meeting Sookie. Bill runs into Eric outside and warns him to stay away from Sookie. Eric, smoothing his hair which apparently got messed up during his flight, says that Bill's paranoia is really unbecoming. Bill threatens to tell the Queen that Eric is trafficking V. Eric steels his eyes at Bill and says that he doesn't like threats. Bill counters that neither does he.

Jason and Andy pull up to the house and snack on energy bars before going into battle. Jason takes a moment to wonder if Sam could turn into a chicken and lay an egg, which irritates Andy. Jason asks him why he doesn't like him, if it's because of all of the pussy that he gets. Andy says that it's because Jason's had it so easy, what with being a quarterback and all. Jason scoffs that because of his football career, he already has knee issues and he isn't even 30. As for all of the women that he gets, he has to work out constantly and watches porn for educational purposes. Serious business! Plus, his best friend killed his grandmother and his girlfriend, he has no money, and his parents died when he was young. The bottom line is that he and Andy received the call to save Bon Temps, so obviously God wants them to bury the hatchet. It's all up to them and they can't fuck it up, because this is still America. Fuck yeah.

Sookie is still lying on the kitchen floor when she tells the guy that they should just do it already. However, she has to be on top. He, of course, is ready to go but when Sookie straddles him, she grabs a pan from the sink and knocks the guy out. Congratulations, Sookie, on finding your ovaries this episode. They've been missing all season!

She makes her way upstairs and walks in on a guy trying on one of her dresses. "Too much?" he asks. "Way too much," she replies. In Gran's room, Tara and Eggs are breaking everything and making a huge nest on the bed which is housing a huge egg. What. The. Fuck? Lafayette gently taps Sookie on the shoulder and says that he was looking for her. She turns around to find Lafayette now has blacked-out eyes, too. She screams her head off, and I can't say that I blame her.

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Just Shireen

I was actually wondering when/how they were going to address the whole vampires can fly thing. It was way less cheesy than it could have been.

Eric's line about the teacup humans has me giggling every time I think about it. I can haz moar Viking vampyr?


Thank you for the picture of Eric. He's my Happiness Consultant.

The egg. What the frick indeed.

Kind of a, meh, show overall me thinks. Alison and I shall be writing a strongly worded letter demanding more shirtless Eric with more side butt action. I shall also suggest that Eric and Sookie should possibly try just the tip. Just to see how it goes.


I thought this episode kinda sucked, except for the Eric laughing at Pam thing. That made a heart melt a little, and I might have actually vocalized a small "squee." I'm over Maryann, so I'm guessing this is gonna wrap up soon? Is this the penultimates episode of the season?
Also, I am almost afraid to see where they're gonna go with the egg thing.


That picture of Eric? I lick it.

I liked this episode, and I like where they've taken the Maryann/Maenad thing, as opposed to the books, where it was pretty much just a throw-away plot line (a throw-away plot line that had Eric in pink spandex, but I digress).

The egg? OMG. WTF. BBQ.

Just Shireen

(a throw-away plot line that had Eric in pink spandex, but I digress)

I had SO been looking forward to seeing that.

Suzy Q

Meat! That whole...thing reminded me of the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew, for reasons of which I will spare you.

Eric. Oh, my sweet lord. However can Sookie choose Bill (ugh) over him?

I'm confused about Lafayette. I thought Eric made him a vampire. He only drank his blood?

Also, the egg. OMGWTFBBQ indeed.


Why is no one talking about how WRETCHED Evan Rachel Wood was as Sophie-Anne? Honest to God, she delivered her lines like a high school drama student. I think our junior year production of Fiddler on the Roof had more professional acting (errm, bad example, given that the actress played by Tzeitel is now on Broadway, but whatever). . I was horrified. Even the part where she licks the blood was pathetically calculated.


"I shall also suggest that Eric and Sookie should possibly try just the tip. Just to see how it goes."
So. Flippin'. Funny.
Rhonda rules.


Um, yeah. Suckish.

Rebecca (Bearca)

This episode was kind of meh... nothing resolved, nothing really new introduced. I was moderately sad to see Mr. Creepily Mysterious Karl go.

Also, agree re: Evan Rachel Wood as Sophie-Anne. I thought the queen would be scary and threatening. Not so much.

And srsly? The EGG? WHAT?


Agreed x 1,000,0000

I actually had pretty high hopes that she would be good in this role. So she kind of had to work extra hard to earn my disdain. She just missed the mark totally.


We think that Eggs laid the egg. Mostly just because we've always thought that was a really stupid nickname.


I agree! So disappointed - I was *really* looking forward to a stellar turn as Queen Sophie.

But... not so much. *way* not so much.


SRSLY. High school drama student indeed. She was terrible. The casting on this show is usually so excellent, so I was just really confused at how bad she was. (Though her lines weren't particularly great either -- too exposition-y.)


I was struggling with this for a bit as well but for me I think it's because her character it not what I expected. I was thinking she'd be more sinister/bad girl similar to Eric - but definitely not what she turned out to be.

Given that, I think she did a good job with who the character was - disinterested, self-absorbed, and merely just wanting to have things around to play with - like a child who's just trying to come up with new ways to pass the time - or the airhead high school cheerleader who plays dumb for attention.

I think that flippant attitude of her character is what threw me. Something tells me we might see a different side of her come out though (I haven't read the books so no clue here).

Between her and Eric though I was quite happy with the eye candy in the episode :)


Yeah but she was sleeping with Marilyn Manson so she does know what sleeping with the dead is like LMFAO!! Yeah,she was a bit too snotty for me


I know! She was AWFUL. I didn't actually know who it was but I kept turning to my husband and saying "seriously, I did better acting in my college drama class". It was horrid. She was so..cliche. And delivered her lines in a way that made me think she was looking at cue cards. Ugh. I'm sorry but this season was pretty sucky. I'll watch again next year but if it's as bad as this one it'll be the last.


I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who was rolling her eyes through Evan Rachel Wood's Sophie-Anne. I think maybe if I hadn't read the books I'd be much more into what they're doing with the show, but as it stands... meh. I watch mostly to get an eyeful of Eric. Mmm. Eric.

Oh, and EvilSlutClique (rad name, btw), he's called Eggs because his last name is Benedict. I have no idea WTF is going on with that egg.

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