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Eric Braeden Leaves Young & the Restless, Takes Lady Tickler with Him

MoustacheBy Michael Roe

Where were you when you heard that Eric Braeden is leaving CBS’ top-rated The Young & the Restless as of November 2? Here, just a second ago? Devastating, I know. I’m so, so sorry. My mom didn’t prepare me for the news, either. She just blurted... You were being sarcastic? I don’t heart you. Anyway...

Apparently, Sony wanted to drastically cut Braeden’s salary. 68 year old Braeden’s response?

“What? I didn’t hear what you... hold on... let me turn up my miracle ear.”

Once he was able to hear them, and a minute or two of time required for him to process the information and remember where he was had passed, he proceeded to tell them what they could do with their offer. I’m sure it involved the suits’ Wiis. And, I’m sure Sony was all like, “Uh, Nintendo makes the Wii, Eric. We make the PlayStation.”

“Take your Wii, and shove it up your PlayStation! Now, kindly leave, or I will have you thrown out.”

He was in their office. It was awkward. Like, Hover-Round bumping into the boardroom table, getting all lodged and knocking over pitchers of water onto Sony VAIOs awkward.

The point is, Braeden was born in Germany, and you don’t take a German lightly, especially if that German has a moustache and, at 68, has nothing to live for lose.

Anyway, oh, what a moustache it is. Was.
Eric_braeden It was a moustache that, unless you enjoy vintage porn, are a fan of Hall & Oates or live in Chicago, you’re not likely to see again anytime soon, especially on the Young & the Restless.

I love Young & the Restless. And, although I’ve always been a bigger fan of underdog “Smilin’” Jack Abbott, I respect Braeden and his character, Victor Newman, aka “Mr. Mumbles,” “The Black Knight” and “The Moustache.” You’d be a damn fool not to.

Born Christian Miller, and soon, thereafter, given up for adoption, by the time Braeden’s character arrived in Genoa City, Wisconsin, in 1980, he’d changed his name to Victor Newman. He’d come up with the name, because becoming a  “Victorious New Man” was at the top of his to-do list. Hey, just wondering what’s at the top of your to-do list, Olivia Garden? Thought so. Anyway, no better place to make a name for yourself by building an evil empire than Wisconsin, America’s dairyland.

Anyway, today, with a personal net worth between $18 and $61 billion (jealous much?), Victor Newman is the richest man in the world. Of course, he didn’t make all that money by being Mr. Nice Guy. Oh, no. He was evil. His moustache said so. Along with a black hat, an ugly scar or a fake Texas accent, nothing says bad man quite like a moustache. And, why, I’m not sure. Maybe, it’s because when a man with a ‘stache frowns at you, IT frowns, as well. It’s like three lips letting you know that you’ve displeased them. And even when a man with a moustache smiles, well, the ‘stache doesn’t. It stays indifferent, studying you, looking for a weakness.

Moustaches are evil.

No? Consider this. We’ve had 44 Presidents in this country. How many sported a nose neighbor? Four. We perceive a mobile tea strainer as so evil that Abraham Lincoln shaved off the ‘stache portion of his beard. Superman never had a moustache. Good guys don’t have them. They’re not symbols of the American way. Hitlers and Stalins of the world have cookie dusters.

And so did Eric Braeden’s Victor Newman. Didn’t matter if it was the “Greed is good” 1980’s, “Grunge is dead” 1990’s or the “Only terrorists have beards or moustaches” 2000’s, Braeden’s Victorious New Man had one. And, it was good (the bad kind). Sure, it had grayed a lot and thinned a little over the decades, but that only made it all the more dangerously unpredictable. It had seen and done things. Awful things. Knows people. Bad people. And, it knows what to do if you double-cross it -- think something involving The Black Knight’s fist and your Xbox. Your call. Either way, game over.

What’s really scary is Braeden’s leaving the soap rather than taking a huge salary cut is proof this economy isn’t getting any better, and is truly hitting everyone hard. I mean, unemployment for mustached soap stars is at 100%, an all-time high. That’s sad. Still, there’s hope. If we all head over to Moustache Me, whenever we see an advertisement for a soap opera -- any soap opera -- we can paste a moustache on that shit. Sony will get the message.

The Young & the Restless is daytime television’s most popular soap opera. For now. And, for close to thirty years, Eric Braeden was it’s biggest star. When he first appeared on the daytime soap, I was 12 years old. Since then, he’s been like a live-action Dick Dastardly. Today, I’m 40, the same age as Eric when he signed-on to play Victor Newman. I wonder where life will take me in the next three decades? I have no idea, but I do know this: if I stop shaving today, I just might show up with a half-way decent ‘stache.



- Michael Roe is an advertising copywriter at HollywoodCopy and a blogger at So Totally Cherry. He kicks ass.






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Comments

Fawn Amber

Freaking hilarious.

But I do think Tom Selleck's moustache smiles with him. He may be the exception to the rule.

Erin

Omigod. I am dying. I love Victor Newman. I don't watch Y&R anymore, but since I watched it during the formative years of say, age 8 to 14, I feel like he raised me. In oh so many ways.

Sweetney

@Fawn Amber I immediately thought of Magnum. Yet I can't deny that he *does* have a touch of the Dude With The Windowless Kidnapper Van to him.

Catherine

What's this world coming to? Have you seen all those not-Newmans and not-Abbotts prancing around Genoa City like they own the place? Wait, what? They're not real? That's not reality television? But I thought it was a story of inspiration wherein anyone could be a pole dancer and marry the wealthiest man in town.

Gray Matter

Kudos Michael Roe, kudos. I don't know what I was more impressed by, that Mamapop was covering this truly earth-shattering revelation (I'm not mocking, I'm serious, I've been a fan of Y&R since my bout with Mono in '86) or Michael's true depth of knowledge of the man, the myth, the mustache.

Her Bad Mother

VICTAH NOOOOMAN!!!!

Long may he - and his lip rug - reign in our hearts.

Allison

You better damn well recognize that you wrote a brilliant post! He's always pulling out the pseudo curse words. I don't know what Genoa City will be like without him.

I've watched Y&R pretty much as long as I can remember, with a few lapses here and there, thanks to my older sister. That's one of the great things about soaps, you can not watch for months and get caught up in one episode.

I love this tribute, I just hope that somehow we see the triumphant return of the 'Stache, once again.

indycitygirl

My husband has a big old mustashe and its one of the reasons I lusted after him from the moment I saw him.If he ever shaves it off,I shall hurt him.

iambellaluna

It's so true though, mustaches are evil!

Sophie

I'll miss his surly Sean Connery-esque mumblings? Gravel mouth. Those angsty brows! The scotch! The power! Nikki! (Ok, so maybe I stopped watching 8 or so years ago, and maybe I won't really miss him... but my sense of nostalgia has been missing him for a long while now, clearly).

Liz

Y & R never gave the Good German the just part he deserved, particularly combining his larger-than-life mustache and his keen skill with the upward-thrusting eyebrow (my German mom is also very good at that, as am I.)

Where shall he go from here? I can totally see him as James Bond. Let's start a Twitter campaign.




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