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Friday Combo Platter: Scrotal Humor Edition

Friday_combo_platterToday's Combo Platter has three main ingredients:

        • Testicles
        • Homances (the female equivalent of bromances)
        • Racists
There's also a bonus sub-thread. COULD YOUR LIFE GET MORE AWESOMER? I THINK NOT!

Thread of the Week: Subject line: "Balls"

Sweetney: So, after some humorless Jezebel refugees gave Michael the smackdown today for talking about BALLS BALLS BALLS!1!!!!, I'm pleased (and surprised!) that he still wants to join us, but he's kind of a masochist (see: hooking up with a nutter like me). CLEARLY. *cough*. Whit's gone for good... or at least for a good long while, due to life-work stress and shit (or maybe he just needs to spend more time surfing for porn, who knows), so Michael is kindly taking over his Tuesday 3pm slot from here on out. Play nice with the new kid, ya'll. Palinode & Schmutzie: Your days as MamaPop's cutest couple are fucking numbered, bizznatches! OH IT'S ON!!!!!  [insert scrotal humor here]

Palinode: Oh it's on alright. Check out the conversation that me and Schmutzie just had:

S: Would you like me to make some coffee?

P: TESTICLES!!!

S: How many testicles would you like?

P: Um. Two, I guess.


Yeah, I think our position is pretty secure.

SnarkyAmber: Pfft. Whatever. Even if the U.S. of A won't recognize our union save for in a few select states and the District of Columbia, Miss Banshee and I know who MamaPop's Cutest Couple really is.

Miss Banshee: HOLLA. Amber and my love is deep and true. Also? Scrotal humor.

Sweetney: Well now you're just opening up a whole big can of worms, because I think you all know about the Special Feelings I have for Kelly. VERY VERY SPECIAL. AS IN: AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL. I think you know what I'm saying.

....


I want to bone her.

Palinode: Fuck this, I'm going to go read The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Podiarty.*

Kurt: I think me and my ego are the hottest couple.

CIII: Me and my self loathing are pretty fucking adorable.

sweatpantsmom: Me and my husband are pretty awesome, but there's a judge in Louisiana who wants to pull us apart.

Palinode: He's just worried about your kids. But if your husband is black, he should go to that judge's house and use his bathroom.  According to what I've read, that judge has "piles" of African-American friends who show up at his house, eat his food, walk over his carpet and pee in his toilet. Then when they leave that judge burns his house down so he can start all over again the next day. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I believe I mean that the judge in question is a magic racist.

sweatpantsmom: My husband is white, which would piss that judge off even more since I'm obviously trying to infiltrate his race and turn all our half-breeds into laundry-owning, rice-eating, math whizzes. And I find it particularly disturbing that he keeps his black friends in 'piles.'

Sweetney: Aidan, I think you need to do a folk art painting entitled "Magic Racist." I'll totally buy that shit.

CIII: Tracey's right, Aidan.  I'd for sure buy that one.  It'd really look bad ass next to my Racists Playing Poker.

Sweetney: MamaPop: We Want Women To Grow Testicles And Celebrate Racists In Art.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

*Bonus sub-thread!!! The Dr. Podiarty thing refers to this nonsense from last weekend:

Miss Banshee: Just because I'm manic and love y'all, I give you this:

Neil_patrick_harris

Palinode: That is probably the best pop culture-specfic website motivational poster I've ever seen.  And I've seen my share.

Sweetney: Fuckin' A that's RAD.

Miss Banshee: Someone give me a sedative, because I cannot stop.

Dooce_motivator
Confused by this image? See last week's Combo Platter.

Sweetney: Omg, I love you. (More homance)

Miss Banshee: Yep, haven't slept yet. This one's for if we all ever get into a fight.

Nickelback_motivator

Sweetney: Oh man you are slaying

Sweetney: Sorry, my shirt gettho iPhone cut me off. Anyway, you slay me, bro.

SnarkyAmber: ha! your auto-correct made "shity" into "shirt". I really wish iPhone would be better at recognizing the way that I type. It corrected "nom" to "non" for me yesterday. What, am I French now?

Sweetney: Goddammit I give up. Y'all know what I mean. BTW I am having so much fun explaining all our inside jokes to Michael. Good news is, he appears to appreciate them. Because if not, you know, [slicing motion across throat].

SnarkyAmber: I spent 10 minutes explaining "And also? Mental hospital." to some friends last night, which involved explaining who Dooce was, which took another 10 minutes. Pretty sure they were only humoring me, but they thought it was funny eventually.

Miss Banshee: Oh yes, please explain that I don't ALWAYS stay awake and manic for days on end, and I RARELY drown the mailing list in Motivators.

Palinode: And also? Podiatry clinic. Fun fact: I mistyped "Podiatry" as "Podiarty".  Podiarty was Sherlock Holmes' club-footed nemesis.  Holmes could always detect Podiarty's involvement in a crime by his ludicrous footprint.

kdiddy: Don't be tardy to the podiarty.

Palinode: It's an old skool podiarty, with medicated powder and an old-timey x-ray machine.

BHJ: Club-footed nemesis. Every time I stop giggling, it starts all over.

Palinode: When you're done with giggling, can you write a song about it and perform it with your kids? That would be so awesome it would soak a do-rag.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Our comment of the week comes from Angela of Fluid Pudding. Jodi posted about the new anti-paparazzi law in California and said, "'Nobody is ever going to be able to successfully prosecute one of these actions,' said Tom Newton, general counsel at the California Newspaper Publishers Association. 'Nevertheless, the initiation of even meritless lawsuits has a chilling effect on legitimate news gatherers.' Legitimate News Gatherers? The Paparazzi? Really?

Angela replied, "The idea of not being able to see an Olsen twin in a gypsy skirt carrying a venti white chocolate mocha has a chilling effect on me."

To which Miss Banshee replied, "I love Angela. Period the end." (More homance.)

To which Amalah replied, "I can't ever find enough non-watermarked photos of Mischa Barton hiding behind her cell phone. Am totes being oppressed, you guys."







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Comments

Sweetney

Friday Combo Platter is my favorite self-referential, self-aggrandizing circle jerk EVAR.

I love us.

Rhonda

Tapping helmets and crossing streams any second now…

missbanshee

I pointed out the motivators to my shrink and said "this is what I do when I get manic." She looked at me like I was weird or something. Harumph.

tifRN

HAAAA. i love it. i heart you miss banshee, and your nph poster. i demand a t shirt. with balls.

rebecca

Good grief. My post-child-bearing bladder is no match for you guys. I totes nearly tinkled, you guys!

sassystitcher

I told so many people about "And also? Mental hospital."...while laughing really hard. All I got were blank stares...which means I totally need new friends. Everyone got behind "facepunch" though.

indycitygirl

Y'all just brighten my days....




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