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Gossip Rag Wednesday: Oh Honey, They Done Already Been Wrecked Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

Ok042_cover_noupc-560x757

Are they REALLY struggling to be a normal family, OK!? Because having eleventy camera crews in your home at all times and going on the Today show once-a-week to talk about your ex's latest douchebaggery would *kinda* suggest otherwise. Just sayin'.

What, too judge-y?

Lifestyle

FAT? FAT?!?! Alright, it's all over for me, people. Pass me that fucking pie.

No, I mean THE WHOLE PIE.

People

People Magazine, you depress the crap out of me, The End. sigh.

Intouch

Ooooh and speaking of depressing... GAAAAAAAAH. Say, anybody wanna slice of this pie? A la Mode? Anyone? Because seriously, in about five minutes that shit is DONE. Speak now... [insert sounds of muffled sobbing]

Star

And does that "frightening health crisis" perchance necessitate the surgical removal of malignant sparkly gold sequined berets? WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

US_weekly 

True story: I was just looking at that cover photo and thought to myself, "Self, the only way Jon Gosselin could look any more douchey than he already does is if he had a big diamond stud in his ea-- Ooooooh, NICE."

The universe has a plan for each of us. Its plan for Jon Gosselin involves dwindling public appearances at casinos in Vegas, more bad plastic surgery, an embarrassing reality series a la  "The Anna Nicole Smith Show," a brief stint as a porn star, a drug problem, and a dramatic weight gain, followed by merciful death.

Yes, I have it aaaall figured out, thanks. It's kind of *my job*. [curtsies]

Previously on Gossip Rag Wednesday...

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Comments

DianaCLT

Oh, Sweetney. How do I love thee? Thy snark - it is good.

Elizabeth

Are OK!, Life & Style and InTouch all run by the same company? Or did some photog just get really lucky on the sale of that Brad & Angie & Knox & Vivi photo? (dang, I remembered those kids' names without having to google. I confess, I read InTouch. Sometimes. If US WEEKLY is sold out.)

Joie at Canned Laughter

Trying to figure out how a little known TV show on a lesser known basic cable network garners so much tabloid attention. Why would anyone be interested in people who don't get drunk and eat pickles like Anna Nicole or ask their hubbys to wipe poo from their crack head butts like Whitney? Really tabloids, y'all need to get a lower class of reality TV clientèle.

Fairly Odd Mother

I do feel bad that Kate can't yell at a kid w/o it being on the front of a magazine. It looks like one kid wacked another; I'd be yelling at him too. But, I don't feel too badly for her when she's practically begging for all the attention. These people need to GO AWAY.

And though I hate the way Khloe spells her otherwise lovely name, and that whole family could be swallowed up into the center of the earth and I wouldn't care, I love her for standing up to the "fat" nonsense. The only thing that would've been better about that photo is if she were eating a piece of pie in it. She looks fab, esp compared to stick-figure Tori.

lisa

I love Rag Wednesday...You do such a good job

cindy w

I was just thinking that Kate looks very pretty in the OK! cover, but then I noticed that 2 of the 8 kids are missing, and it appears she's crushing one kid's head with her right hand. Um...

Also, love the call-out sticker on Life & Style that their rag is $1 less than Star and US Weekly! Oooh, one whole dollar! For the exact same crap that the other magazines are selling! That's some big savings, y'all!

plumwin

That picture of 'Kate' supposedly smacking one of the kids? I saw it somewhere else (better quality) and it's not even her. It's a nanny. And yes, it does look like one kid smacked another. Sheesh.




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