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Gossip Rag Wednesday: Breeding Like Rabbits Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:


I don't normally get personal here, but people, I'm running low on sleep and coherence, so I'm gonna hightail it through these suckers like nobody's business. I expect all of you to pick up the slack in comments. Yes, I'm looking at YOU. Isn't that what friends are for? The slack picking upping? That's what I say.

Now about this cover: obvious OMG WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! regarding the Brangelina breeding aside, am I the only one who is terribly, terribly frightened by that photo of Trista? As in, a bit a-scared she might, ohh I don't know, EAT THAT BABY? (Note to weight-obsessed Hollywood: distended starvation bellies? SO NOT TEH SEXY.)


How we spend out private time together - playing guitar, listening to the Rolling Stones, drinking one another's blood, sparkling...


US, you win this week's prestigious Biggest Cover Bummer award, kudos. Err, I mean, pass me that fucking chocolate.


Speaking of bummers... sigh. Though that photo, and that quote, warms even my ultra-crusty and jaded heart-cockles, I must admit.


DAVE: HOW HE LURED HIS WOMEN. Listen InTouch, he's not a serial killer or rapist, okay? "LURED"? I mean, really. Did he entice them with candy from the sliding sidedoor of his blacked-out 1970s conversion van? (I really like to imagine that said van would have this image painted on the side of it. I dream big, people.)


Aaaand what would a Gossip Rag Wednesday be without Lindsay Lohan having some kind of physical/psychological meltdown? That's right, it would be JUST PLAIN NOT RIGHT. (Seriously though, will someone please just strap her to a gurney and rush her to the nearest rehab already? This shit is reaching Britney levels of sad and unseemly, man.)

Previously on Gossip Rag Wednesday...


« Monty Python Reunite For All To See - Even You! | Pop Culture Main | Katie Holmes Wins: Suri Starts Catholic School »


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OK! magazine: Love how they have apparently the only pic of Suri and TC looking HAPPY. Staged much?

Yay for Jacee Dugard! I can't believe how much she looks like her younger self. If I'd been through all she's been through, I imagine I'd look more like LiLo.

Fawn Amber

Slack Picking Upping? Check.

Lindz. Oh my. Is it possible that she is so far under that she doesn't realize how bad it is? Where in the hell is her family? I know if my kid were in that same situation I'd be fighting like hell for power of attorney or whatever it was that Britney's dad got and straightened her ass out. GOD.

I didn't think Trista's belly looked bad. Is that just me?

Sick of the Kardashian's. Could not care less. Next thing you know, that'll be Jon Gosselin's triplets she's carrying. Oy.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. Dave Letterman is full of The Yummy. He's brilliant, sophisticated, and funny. I imagine the luring involved a crook of his finger and a wink. That's all it'd take for me.


TWO MORE BABIES!?! Isn't there a limit on that kind of shit. But if I made babies that were that cute...I probably wouldn't stop either.

And yes...Lured is strong words for non-serial killers who are just serial lady lovers like Letterman. I really think they should just leave him alone already.

Drinking blood and sparkling sounds about right. Is anyone else finding it hard to believe that those two (RP and KS) actually live together anywhere in the real world??

I'm on board for the LiLo gurney strapping. I don't want to see her vodka, cocaine, pill ravocked body ever again. My retinas.

Trista looked different. Perhaps from all the dieting she will eat the baby...she's HUNGRAY dammit.

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