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Let's Talk Biggest Loser For a Second

The-biggest-loser  And by a "second", I of course mean "a good 45 minutes" in Biggest Loser two-hour bloated-ass episode time. If I really want to capture the spirit of this show, I'll go ahead and repeat this entire opening bit after the jump, just like they do after each and every commercial break. Quick! Show me the last 30 seconds that I just saw a minute ago! I cannot remember! Dr. Rob says all my body fat has settled in my skull and is destroying my memory.

Anyway. Last night's episode was kind of a big depressing mess, since it included half the contestants going home for a week and coming to grips with just how lousy their loved ones eat. Especially the children. As a mom who usually spends her Tuesday nights consuming an entire wedge of Tallegio while wondering how exactly one gets to be 467 pounds (SPOILER ALERT, MORON), the stuff about kids and and obesity and healthy eating habits always gets me. Hard.

(SPOILER ALERT, PART THE SECOND: Doing Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred immediately after consuming an entire wedge of Tallegio? Still not really a highly recommended fitness regimen. There's a reason this show always features lots of workout-related barfing in the first couple episodes. LEARN FROM IT, PEOPLE.)

So the elimination was straight-up bullshit, no?

Obviously, everybody in the free world wants Tracey to go home. People who don't even watch this show probably want Tracey to go home, since it's actually her crazy eyes haunting their dreams. FACT. I mean, let's recap: Five minutes into the first episode, she decides to run her very first mile in probably, oh, EVER, at a full-on SPRINT, because she's never apparently watched the show or a race or...or...I don't know. I'm not a runner either, but even I shouted at my TeeVee for her to SLOW DOWN, PACE YOURSELF.

I guess she couldn't hear me. Probably because my mouth was so full of chips at the time.

Anyway, she suffers heat stroke and some kind of catastrophic muscle injury, spends a couple episodes in the hospital and then a couple episodes after THAT not able to exercise and making up for that fact by being a crazy, crazy bitch. Who then sobs because why doesn't anybody liiiiiiike her? She's just playing the gaaaaame, and randomly going back on promises and capriciously splitting up teams and all with the annoyingly good fortune of 1) continuing to lose juuust enough weight to seem useful and 2) winning every goddamn game advantage ever.

Also, 3) CRAZY. EYES. And we are probably never going to get rid of her. At least not before one major redemption edit. Sigh.

But! Last night, sending Tracey home wasn't an option, even though she did totally blow the weigh-in despite being cleared for exercise. Instead, it was the black team who lost the challenge and were so graciously given the blue team's "reward" of going home for the week. Cue the screaming crowds of friends and family ("OMG! YOU LOOK...PRETTY MUCH THE SAME STILL, WOOOOO!") and the inexplicable dining-out choices. (Seriously, Abby's Family: WTF is up with throwing her a party with a giant-ass barbecue buffet? Y'all are mean.)

Daniel appeared to be doing everything right -- he worked hard at the gym, he made healthy eating choices, he made Jillian cry with an epiphany about his mommy. And as a previous contestant, he should know how to "do it at home," at they call it on this show. Over and over again. FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS EVERY WEEK. And since he lost a big ol' ZERO last week, it was expected that he could lose a fairly decent number fairly easily this week -- especially if Jillian was right and last week's zero was immunity-based game-playing.

But no. He gains a pound. And while pretty much everybody on the black team fell short of the seven pounds average weight loss they needed to win the weigh-in (except Danny, who cooked at home all week and lost a crazy 15 pounds), he was the only one who gained weight. And while I like Daniel -- I really do, and am glad he got to come back without his sucky lazy partner from last season (who I looked for but did not see in his coming-home party crowd, UH-HUH) -- I assumed he was going home. This is his second shot at the show, he's lost a ton of weight at home already, he's got a support network waiting for him AND has clearly hit a wall, weight-loss-wise.

So...naturally, they sent Dina home. Dina, who lost five pounds. Dina, who might not be the most personable of contestants, completely won my immense sympathy this week because she has probably the least supportive husband of any of them. (She suggested a doggy bag for his giant-ass burrito that he was eating AFTER a ton of ridiculously bad-for-you appetizers, and was informed that doggy bags are "for dessert." A joke, maybe, but she looked frustrated and crushed.) (Plus, why did she HAVE to take her little boy to the gym with her this week? Who's looking after him while she's on the show? He seemed like a patient enough kid but you KNOW that's not going to work for the kind of workout schedule Dina needs to really compete at home.) 

It seemed like a really sad, bad call. And I watch 70% of this show on fast-forward, you guys. Everything I just described happened in pretty much under 20 minutes. The rest was pure filler, much like the ingredient content in a slice of Jenny-O turkey.







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Comments

AmyC65

I, too, felt SO bad for Dina with the world's least supportive support system. Why the hell would her whole family sign on to go to a cheese-covered Mexican restaurant on her week home? Good on her that she has dropped alot of weight back home. Including, perhaps, her no-help husband.

Fawn Amber

Surely, surely, surely, they tell these people's families to make it as difficult on them as possible. Right? I totally agree though, I like Daniel and all but he's had not one but TWO chances at this and is holding his team back. I really liked Dina. She didn't fall all over herself pumping up everyone else on her team, but she seemed like a genuinely good person who really needs that support system on the ranch. Grr. I hate reality T.V.

Crazy Eyes needs to be gone. I truly cannot stand her. I can't believe anyone still talks to her at all. Period.

Julie @ The Mom Slant

I totally get that this is a game, but I really fucking hate that it's a game too. Because there are people there who are in the right mindset and really ought to stay, but they get sent home *because* it's a game.

Amalah

Fawn Amber - That's what I kept saying the whole time they showed everybody eating out, like obviously they're told they HAVE to eat at least one dinner out? Or something? But then Danny specifically said that his family would be eating in the whole time, so he could cook and be in control and know that the food was prepared correctly. And that threw my whole theory out the window and I reverted back to Occam's Razor: The Contestants Families Are Mostly Assholes.

Kimberly

Ugh...Tracey haunts my dreams after watching each episode. She needs her own reality show to deal with all of the drama she carries with her camouflaged as fatty fat. And she can cry at the drop of a hat, Diva!

I love how they always take time to highlight Jillian's psychoanalysis of a contestant each show. Poor Daniel. Now I'm scared to tell my kids to stop eating chips. I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!

kakaty

Gah! Exaclty what you said was said in my house last night. Dina is clearly rocking it at home but COME ON! Daniel is on his SECOND season and still can't lose the weight...time to say buh-buy. But last week when Tracy didn't get sent home I was pretty much conviced that this show is now COMPLETLY scripted by the producers and this may be my last season to watch. Right now, just like Project Runway I am inveseted too much to give up even though I really really want to.

Also, I refuse to watch this show live. I DVR it and start watching about 45 min later so I can FF over all the product placement and after-commerical repeat BS.

Shelley

I couldn NOT believe they didn't send Crazy Eyes home last week when they had the chance, the hell?? And we also thought it was mean that they had a big bar-b-que for Abby's return but at the same time she's from the South, same as me and I can totally hear some of my family saying "Well tater salad is pretty healthy".

So far Abby is my favorite oh and Liz, she's funny but I figure she won't lose too much more, quickly anyway.

It should've been Daniel, but Dina wasn't dramatic enough for NBC. There's no one I really want going home now, I hate it when it gets like this, well except for Crazy Eyes, OF COURSE.

Mary@The Writer's Block

You are hilarious and I love your recap.

That's all. ;)

Mouse

My wife and I were yelling at the blue team last week. How many seasons have I seen the contestant everybody wants to get rid of fall below the yellow line one time, not get sent home, and then stick around until the finale? (Can you say Vicky?) Agh!

(And I agree about the outcome this time, too.)

A'Dell

I got the feeling that the producers said, "Hey, if you want to go our to dinner, we'll pay for anything/everything." And then the spouses/kids were all over that.

Only Danny was smart enough to be like HELLS NO.

And Tracey - those eyes. OMG THOSE EYES. I truly think that whoever is editing this thing is trying to show as much Crazy Eye as possible. Her face and those ticks she makes when something takes her by surprise are killing me.

Kim

Spot on analysis -- and this show is the perfect advertisement for why DVRs rock. I almost cried when Dina's son asked if she ran that fast at the gym, and then said he thought she could do anything. You go boy! Did anyone else notice in the follow-up that it was Dina, her son, and what I can assume is a personal trainer? Looks like she figured out how to get the support and motivation she needs. She sure is being an awesome role model for her son.

KBO

This recap is pretty much exactly what I think about the whole show BUT I CAN'T STOP WATCHING!

Poor Dina--I was so hoping she dropped her d-bag of an unsupportive husband when she kept talking about doing stuff for herself and making big changes. He was an unsupportive tool. Girlfriend looked fabulous, though, and her son was so adorable.

Tracy, crazy eyes, it's all been said. I've had enough of her crazy tears, too.

I don't think I would even watch this craptastic bloat of a show if I didn't have DVR. Why, oh why, does NBC think this warrants two full hours?

Okay, off to eat some Jennie-O turkey.

sarahbeanne

I watch the show every week & didn't realize until reading this that there was a Danny & a Daniel.

How can anyone watch this show live? The cliffhanger commercials make me NUTS.

I've been listening to the archived Jillian radio shows & her knowledge and compassion don't come through on BL. Also, sometimes she lets you know about behind-the-scenes stuff. Like how they all weigh-in in the morning, and the producers set the order for the weigh-ins to produce maximum drama. Which means, just watch the last 1-2 people! I love a good shortcut.

Rhi

I've spent WAY too much time thinking about this today, but I really do think the producers offer to pay for a huge family dinner. This makes sense because Shae had previously made a comment that she had to work an extra job just to pay for groceries - yet - they go out to dinner and her husband orders not one, but TWO entrees.

missbanshee

I cannot believe we have to endure another week of Tracey's Manson Lamps. There is no justice.

beerab

I am glad I'm not the only one thinking that Dina's husband is a jerk. Honestly he didn't even seem to happy to see her- what a terrible welcome home! I see divorce in their future.

I missed a few minutes what was the reasoning on sending Dina home and not Daniel?!

Gab

This show always makes me cry, even if I watch it on fast forward. BUT it also makes me go to the gym on Wednesdays and when I want to quit I start chanting "I will NOT be a big fatty." Whatever works, right?

PomJob

I don't hate Tracey. She IS playing a game. The point is to win. Win by losing weight, which she didn't do too well this week. The segment with her husband really humanized her for me. Unless they are really good actors, she has someone who really loves her so she can't be completely horrible.

HomeValley

It is like you are inside my brain, Amy!

I was actually just talking back to my television, crying out about the injustice of it all. But you've had two shots, Daniel! This is crazy! He should have realized that himself and done the noble, Coach Mo thing (even though that made me crazy as well, because, come on: Tracey. The worst.)




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